


Deadman Wonderland: UNDERTAKER

by Rosie_Bee



Category: Deadman Wonderland
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Sexual Abuse, I’ll add more Content Warnings as I add to this work, M/M, Suicide, sexual assault aftermath, weight mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:55:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 48
Words: 76,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26080765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosie_Bee/pseuds/Rosie_Bee
Summary: Starting December of 2013, five months before the Great Tokyo Earthquake, this story follows the lives of the Undertakers, the Anti-deadman Corps of Deadman Wonderland: Genkaku Azuma, Nicolette Vedmid (OC), Mozuri Gazuchi, Shinagawa Dokoku, Aaliyah Morgan (OC), and Hibana DaidaThis is pretty much a complete revision, so if you read it when I first published this, I’ve pretty much changed the majority of things in this work because it’s a second draft and I HATED the first draft.





	1. Homecoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so quick note; I’ve started a discord for Deadman Wonderland fans! Here is the link for anyone who would like to join https://discord.gg/PmSrTxtW2F

Genkaku  
December 13, 2013, 12:00pm

"Genkaku, wake up already! It's noon!" I open my eyes to see my older brother shaking me awake. How is it already noon? "C'mon red head, you've got one hour. You're all packed up right?" Katsumi asks. "Yeah, I just need a few things." "Don't forget your paper work." "I won't, geez. How irresponsible do you think I am?" "Do you really want me to answer that? Seriously you slept in till noon. How late were you up last night?" 

I climb out of my bed, and pull on a black long sleeve BABYMETAL tee. "Really, Genkaku?" Katsumi shoots me a side eyed glance. "What? What did I do?" "You're meeting your mom for the first time since you were a baby and that's what you're wearing?" "I'll change at the hotel or something." "Whatever. You have your portfolio too right?" "Yes and my sheet music." "What about your supplies?" I pick up my black supply case. "Right here." 

I got accepted into the Tokyo Arts and Performance school at the beginning of the month. I’m not supposed to actually start classes till after winter break, but my dad thinks I should have some time to settle in. I haven't seen my mom since she pretty much dumped me on my dad when I was eight months old. Every now and then I wonder about her. The only connection I have to her is Facebook and a birthday card every year. I guess it's better than Katsumi’s situation with his mom. She’s been in jail since he was three. She used to write him cards. I think they stopped coming when he turned nine. 

———————-

It's a two hour train ride. I bought Black Swan on iTunes for the train ride, but it's not long enough to cover the whole ride. I'll probably have to skip some of it, particularly that scene. I do like the scene, but my brother is sitting next to me and my father is across from me, so I'd feel a bit uncomfortable watching it. I guess I could've just bought a different movie the doesn't feature a sex scene and multiple nude scenes, but I'm a sucker for psychological horror.

———————-

I've only been to Tokyo twice: The first time to visit my uncle that my dad had cut out of his life. Dad didn't go with but he needed someone to watch us for a bit. I can't remember what they had a falling out over, but dad is petty so for all I know it could've been a sports argument or some garbage like that. The second time I went with my band to an Oral Cigarette concert. Every time I go the city manages to take my breathe away. Morioka is beautiful and all, but in more of a traditional, natural way. Tokyo is just something else. 

We have a hotel room a half hour from the school. Nothing fancy, we're pretty much just here to drop me off with my mom and say goodbye til summer break. As long as there's wifi, I couldn't care less. And even if there wasn't, I have plenty to read, movies to watch, and I can always work on art.

The school considers my paintings to fall under the surrealist genre, but looking at surrealism, it's too dreamlike. Too nice. A lot of it is almost pleasant. And yeah, I like those paintings. They're a source of inspiration, pretty much what people think of when they think of surrealism. 

My favorite painting that I've done focuses on a faceless man locked behind bars, with the key to his cell being shoved into his mouth by a guard. I did that one after my principal told me that if I didn't want people to call me homophobic slurs at school, I should probably cut my hair, take out my piercings, stop with the eyeliner, and stop acting like such a, well, the word I was called after some ninth year shoved me down a flight of stairs. When I told him I wouldn't be doing that, he threatened to tell my dad the he suspected that I'm gay. My dad knows I like girls. He liked my first girlfriend. But I'd rather he didn't know that I like guys too. I don't even think he'd like my boyfriend right now even if he were just a friend, After that, I started wearing my hair up, and took out my piercings. Basically I painted it to vent on being told to put on a face and keep quiet, or be punished for it and told it's my own fault. 

That's not the one that got me into the school though. The school wants to uphold it's "high-end" facade, and they said as well detailed as the painting was, even though I had followed rules of proportion and all that, it was just too violent to be the considered the deciding factor of my portfolio. The one they chose was one of a skeleton holding a lute, sitting under a cherry tree. They said that I had used things like proportion and lighting well, and that it was a well designed setting. I like the aesthetic of it and I am proud of it. I put a lot of time into that painting. But I only created it because we had an assignment to incorporate the natural scenery of Morioka into our art homework for the month. It doesn't really mean anything to me, other than a couple hours of work.

———————-

My dad went out for a bit to pick up cigarettes, so now it's just me and Katsumi in the hotel room. Katsumi is doing work on his laptop while I go through my portfolio. "So, do you know where we're meeting my mom?" I ask him. "At the school. Your step-sister has a dance competition tonight. We're gonna watch and then you're-" "Wait, my what now?" "You're step-sister. Miyako, I think." "I have a step-sister?” "God, have you never checked your mom's Facebook." "I don't really use Facebook, I just have it for games and to sign up for stuff." "Your mom got married. You were probably like, ten when it happened. You have a step-sister and a newborn half-brother." "Wait, hold on, who did she marry?" "Guy named Hiroto Awaji. I think he's another lawyer." "Another?" "Your mom is a lawyer, dumbass. You really don't know anything about her, huh?" "I know her name." "Great, you know her name. How old was is she?" "Umm..." "What's sixteen plus fourteen?" "I'm thirteen." "Only for a few more months." "She's... thirty?" "Yup."

"What's my half-brother's name?" "Gin." "How old is my sister? "She's fourteen." "How do you know all this stuff?" My brother places his palm on his face. "Genkaku, you have no idea how lucky you are." "What do you mean?" "You have all sorts of information on your mom right at your fingertips. You could message her anytime and talk to her." "Are you mad at me?" "No, I just... I wish you took more of the opportunities given to you." "I'm here aren't I?" "Yeah, but I mean, like with your family and stuff." "Well you don't." "I don't get the luxury of having the information you do." "Yeah but all you do is work on like, school and stuff. You just study." 

My brother closes his laptop. "Look, we just have different paths in life. The difference between you and I, is that what I'm working towards isn't a pipe dream." "Excuse me?!" "What direction do you even wanna go with in art?" "I'm thirteen. I have plenty of time to figure that out." "You're attending an arts and performance school. You’re a great artist especially considering your age, but do you really think you'll be able to do this with your life?" "Yes!" "Oh my god, you're screwing yourself so bad Genkaku." "Seriously?! You were just getting on my nerves I'm not taking opportunities?!" "Yeah but this isn't gonna help you. You're making a mistake. You should stay in Morioka. Keep working on actual school." "I can do this! Why don't you think I can do this?!" "Because I want you to be successful, and it's very hard to succeed in art." "Well, maybe I can." "It's more likely you won't." "Well I'm going to the best art school in Japan, that makes it way more likely than if I stay in Morioka." "Or you could pick a real career." "Art is a real career." "Yeah, for people who get lucky. What's the chance you will?" "Katsumi-" My dad swings open the door to the room. "Will you two knock it off?! Get dressed, we gotta go." "I'm dressed." "In something nice. Like your brother."

———————-

I don't know a ton about how these competitions go. My ex-girlfriend was a competitive dancer. I know some of the moves and categories and stuff. Sometimes she'd practice at my apartment. 

This competition is for Advanced Teens, with a solo category and group categories. Advanced pretty much means that the dancers undergo at least five hours of instruction a week. Teens are twelve to fourteen years old. Solo category is a single category. Each studio can enter up to two soloists. With this competition company, a group has five to fifteen dancers. 

My sister attends Broadway Dance Studio. There's four others entered in this competition. I don't know if she's a soloist or not. 

I take my seat next to my brother, as I hear a text alert from my phone, from my boyfriend.

Eito: Hey  
Genkaku: Hey babe  
Eito: wyd?  
Genkaku: Waiting for this dance competition to start  
Eito: Dance competition?  
Genkaku: yeah I'm meeting my mom here  
Eito: gotcha  
Genkaku: I miss you already  
Eito: miss you too!  
Genkaku: Can't Wait to see you again  
Eito: me too  
Genkaku: Can't believe I can't see you for two whole weeks :(  
Eito: you chose to attend the school  
Genkaku: what's that supposed to mean?

Eito is still typing when I'm told to silence my phone. "Welcome to our fourth competition in our pre-national competition season!" The emcee excitedly announces. "This competition sets up for the Edo Competition Company national competition in February by both giving the dancers a chance to show off their routine, while also giving us an idea of who will be competing in our section competition in February."

"We have six studios in Tokyo competing today! The dancers selected at our pre-section competition in January will go on to compete in sections, and the top three soloists and groups will go on to compete at the national competition with schools all over the country!"

"Today's competition will feature twelve solo acts, and six group acts. We'll start today in five minutes with our group competition!"

I open my phone back up to see what Eito sent me. There's no new text though. Wonder what that means?


	2. Before the Show

Nicolette  
December 16, 2013, 6:40pm

"Twenty minutes till line up ladies!" My coach yells. Just breathe. I need to breathe. It's not like it's my first competition, not even of this year. But it's my last year to make national champion at the Teen level. Then I need to work to make at least top three in nationals every year at the senior level for two years. Even though it goes till nineteen, I need to get the number one spot at seventeen. It's the only way out! I need to be discovered by... someone, anyone! Any company will do. Of course a national ballet or something would be cool. Only reason I've ever put time into singing and acting is for the off chance of Broadway. But something like the French or Russian ballet would be perfect! 

I have to be perfect! So perfect I can get in despite my height. I'm usually liked for child roles in things like plays and ballets. I'll never make a lead role. I know that. Unless it's for the role of a child. That doesn't matter. Just need to be in any company, or-

"Nicole?" My thoughts are interrupted. Thankfully it's a good interruption. "You're doing it again," Nara warns in her sweet, perfect voice. "Doing what?" "You're psyching yourself out. C'mon blondie you've won the past two competitions, what's different about this one?" I don't answer her. "Exactly, nothing." Nara takes my hands in hers. "You've got this! I know you do!" "You're looking at me through rose-colored lenses." "No, I'm looking at you in reality." 

Nara wraps her arms around me. "What would I do without you?" I ask. "Psych yourself out so bad you'd get second." I laugh a bit at her comment. "That would never happen." "There's the arrogance I know and love!" 

My coach pats my back from behind me. "Don't get too arrogant now Nicki. Don't psych yourself out either. Remember dear, you need balance." "I know, I know." "Well you say that but you don't remember. You need to balance yourself both mentally and physically. But, I think you have the physical side down. I've seen you show the other girls up at turns more times than I can count." 

I sort of love our routines this year. I worked a bit on choreography for our group. The song is In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins. It's a bit tough to work with, but it allows me to think and be creative. Especially considering how it speeds up midway through the routine. The tempo change always amazes the judges! Solo, I mean, I love the routine. I loved making it. It's just a lot of pressure. It's all on me. I'm fucked with even one mistake. 

My solo routine is Stairway to Heaven, by Led Zeppelin. I don't know what drew my coach to it, but she said it felt perfect for me. Maybe it's the rich kid thing. No amount of money that could get one to heaven. To be fair, it's not my money. Maybe it's more about Dmitri. The song is about a woman though. Maybe my mom? I like to think she's in heaven. I guess I don't know much about her, but I believe, I hope, she was a good woman.

It's a difficult routine though. Another classic rock song with a speed change. Last year we did Dreams by Fleetwood Mac for our group. That was tough to choreograph, but it was a fun routine. I guess Coach Tanaka just likes classic rock a lot. To be fair, so do judges. Makes them all nostalgic. A bunch of them are "kids these days..." types. 

The costumes! I love the costumes! Maybe it's just the girly fashionista in me, but they're my favorite things to work with, especially since our studio can afford custom ones. Most others have to preorder. Costumes are only five points, but they give judges a first impression. 

For In the Air Tonight, they feel like something a warrior would wear. Dark, with a futuristic cut, and deep blue open skirts. A pair of blue, long gloves to go with it. For Stairway to Heaven, I was able to order a custom outfit with a white, shimmering leotard, white gloves, and a shimmering gold skirt. I also found this gold bun holder decorated with diamonds. Real ones! It feels like something an angel would wear! Or just a very rich girl.

"Nicolette, it's time for line up!" Coach Tanaka yells. "Yes ma'am." "You're the shortest so you're first in line." "I know." I stand by the door, as my team lines up behind me. "Ready?" Takana asks. "Ready!" Responded in unison. "Who are we?" "The Z-RHAZ Stunners!" "What are we gonna get?" "First place!" "Lets go ladies!"

First place. We're third to preform today. Before us is Dance Studio emotionS. After them, Broadway Dance Studio. We're midway through. It's the perfect place. Not too early for the judges to forget us, but not so late that no one follows us, so we can make hell for every team after. Make sure there's no way to upstage us.


	3. Flowers

Genkaku  
December 16, 2014, 7:33pm

"And with the stunning conclusion of The Marine Blue Studio Marinettes, we have finished the group portion of our competition! We'll start again in seven minutes, with our solo competition, beginning with Broadway Studios Players!" The house lights come on with a loud clank. My dad stands up. Don't know where he's going. 

The boy I'm next to definitely stands out. He's wearing a full suit to a dance competition! He can't be more than seventeen. He pulls out an iPhone 5s to make a call. 

"Hello Father. Yes, it's Vadim. Nicolette is after these first two performers... She did well... Okay, well, whatever word you want, amazing as always. If anything happens, I'm sure it would be fault of her teammates... No sir... I'm sure they'll get first again... Thank you sir. I'll see you tonight." He puts the phone in his pocket, and looks at me.

"Got a problem, red head?" He asks. "No, sorry, just, you don't think the suit’s a little much?" "I insist on looking good. Besides, it's not too much more than what you're wearing," he chuckles. "I'm meeting my mom after almost thirteen years, I think that's kinda a big deal." "That's nice, but I have you beat. I haven't seen my mom in fourteen years." "It's not a competition. Where's she been?" "A grave in Moscow." I take a pause. "I'm sorry." "No worries red head, you didn't know."

"First time watching a competition?" The boy asks. "Kind of. First time watching one in Tokyo." "What do you think so far?" "The dancers are all pretty amazing." "Any specific team you're rooting for?" "I guess Broadway. My step-sister is on it." "I see. My little sister is a member of Z-RAHZ." "I'm guessing she's the blonde?" "Yes! What made you guess?" "You look alike. She's amazing by the way!" "Yeah! She's won the last two competitions. Going for National Champion." 

I turn back to my phone, before my curiosity makes me think of a new question. "Where's your accent from, if you don't mind me asking?" "It's alright. I'm Russian and French. I was born in Moscow. My father brought us here in, oh what year was it? I think it was when I was one, would've been 1997." "You still have your accent though?" "I mostly speak Russian at home and school. Nicolette, my sister, she goes to Tokyo Arts and Performance school." "Oh cool, I'm attending TAP soon, after winter break." "Are you?" The boy stops speaking.

"Welcome back! We're ready to resume our competition!" The emcee announces. "Starting out with Broadway Studio's Ichika Ari!" Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye starts playing, as a thin, tall girl cartwheels on stage. Is it rude to be on my phone right now? Probably, but I'd like to get back to my boyfriend. 

Eito: Don't worry about it.  
Genkaku: No I'm gonna. What do you mean?  
Eito: I mean you chose to apply to the school  
Genkaku: Yeah but this is like, my entire future. I can't just stay where I can't get ahead at all  
Eito: I've said it before, you really think there's a future in art?  
Genkaku: So you don't think I'm good enough?  
Eito: I never said that. I just don't think you're lucky enough.  
Genkaku: Well staying in Morioka won't improve my chances, but this school will by a lot!  
Eito: You know what would improve your chances in life? Doing what I'm doing and treating art like it should be: a hobby  
Genkaku: maybe that works for you but I can't see myself doing anything else  
Eito: you don't even know what you wanna do! At least know that! Do you wanna play guitar? Do you wanna paint? Do you wanna act? Do you wanna sing?  
Genkaku: why can't I do all those things?  
Eito: Because you divvy your time too much into those things  
Genaku: What's so wrong with that? There are plenty of successful, multi-talented people  
Eito: You'd be more successful if you just found a normal career instead of a dream  
Genkaku: Fuck that!

The music ends. I put my phone back in my pocket. "Alright, up next we have a performance by Broadway Studio's Miyako Awaji!" My step-sister. I guess I should watch her. 

A tan, tall, thin brunette girl leaps onstage, as the song "Big Love" by Fleetwood Mac begins to play. She has a black and purple uniform, with dark makeup. There are two small black hearts stamped on her cheeks. I guess it's nice to know she has good taste, if she was the one to pick her song and uniform.

She's good. But she's not smiling. She looks so... serious. The last girl was all smiles. Maybe she just has a different way of doing things I suppose. 

She trips over her foot in a turn, but recovers herself quickly. Her routine is more technical. I think if I remember correctly you get points for recovery. But you don't get as many points as you would've if you'd gotten it perfectly.

She finishes with a dead-drop, laying still for a final eight count before standing up, and walking back. "Alright, great job Miyako! Up next we have Nicolette... Ved... meed? Nicolette dances for Z-RAHZ studio." 

The song "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin begins to play, as a small, ash blonde girl open-leaps onto the stage, ending it with a roll. I turn to the boy next to me. "She's your sister right?" I ask. "Yes. And yes, the emcee messed up our name. It's okay, they usually do." "Hows it supposed to sound?” “Ved-mid. Just how it looks. It's not that hard." 

She's beautiful. Pale with ash blonde hair, and massive icy blue eyes. She has full lips with no Cupid's bow and the cutest button nose. She's also probably one of the smallest teenagers I've ever seen. Thin, incredibly short. Must be a dancer thing. Every girl here is so thin. Studios are probably really discriminative. I'm surprised someone her height even managed to get into one.

She's like an angel. Dressed in gold and white. Her expressions make it seem like she actually loves what she's doing. It's always a smile. I swear her eyes are sparkling.

The longest guitar solo in the song starts. I'm still trying to learn it. It's difficult. Nicolette preps for a float turn. She performs fifteen of them, before going into three pirouettes, ending with two leg hold turns. She lands with a bright smile, as people behind me scream. I can't remember how many my ex could do. I think she got eight floats in a row once. 

I feel like I'm not supposed to take my eyes off her. I don't think I could. Her brother is smiling, but he doesn't look as surprised as other people around me. He's certainly seen her do those turns before. 

The ending comes in to the routine. She ends slowly, carefully. Ending in fourth position with her head pointed in the air, and her arms pointed down and poised. As she ends the crowd screams for her. I feel like I can't move.

Her brother turns back to me. "Do you like her?" He asks. "Sorry?" "Nicolette, do you like her?" "She's... certainly something. Did she choose the song?" "Her and the coach. She likes to be challenged. But her, do you like her?" "She's an amazing dancer." "My goodness, do you think she's pretty?" I raise a brow to the boy. "She's beautiful. Why do you ask?" "Curiosity. And the fact that you seemed pretty enthralled." "Everyone was." "Of course they were, she's a prodigy. But you seemed in awe."

———————-

The competition finally gets to the awards ceremony. The dancers all line up, now in their studio uniforms. "Alright, end of the night. Let's start with our group awards!" The emcee announces. "In third place, the En Dance Studio Shibuya Base Blossoms with 'If It's Love'." The audience claps as the coach takes a bronze colored trophy.

"In second place, the Z-RAHZ Stunners with In the Air Tonight!" The team hugs and claps for their victory as the coach takes their silver trophy. Nicolette doesn't look as celebratory as her team though. She looks sort of... almost terrified. Like a deer caught in headlights. She's up front. It's pretty clear to see.

"In first place, the Broadway Studio Players with Radioactive!" The team screams this time with joy, jumping and hugging and crying. Must be their first time winning a competition. 

"Congratulations to all our group winners!" The emcee exclaims. "Let's get on to our solo awards! In third place, Broadway Studios Player Yui Ita with Set Fire to the Rain!" The girls smiles brightly as she shakes the lead judges hand, and accepts her bronze medal.

"In second place, Studio emotionS Starlight, Sara Suzuki with Another One Bites the Dust!" The girl bursts into happy tears, screaming with joy as she hugs her teammates and coach, before running up to shake the head judges hand. She takes her medal, before happily running back to her team.

"And before I announce first, thank you to the young man who came to me to let me know how to pronounce this young lady's name. In first place, Z-RAHZ Studio Stunner, Nicolette Vedmid with Stairway to Heaven!" Despite the fact that it's first place, Nicolette is weirdly calm, shaking the judges hand once before the gold medal is placed around her neck.

"Thank you for coming to our competition! The next competition will be on December twenty-eighth. Again, thank you to all our dancers coaches, judges, and the people who came to see them tonight." The boy turns back to me. "Hey, mind if I ask you something?" "Ask away. The boy picks up a bouquet of pink roses. "Could you bring these to my sister? I think they'd be more appreciated coming from a fan rather than her brother." "Wait hold on but-" "Sorry, gotta go." "But-" "Thanks red head!" The boy walks off, dialing on his phone to make a call.


	4. Second Place

Nicolette  
December 16, 2013, 9:09pm

Z-RAHZ has never taken second. Not ever! Still, my coach brushes it off. She says today was still a good day. And for any other team, for any other person, it would've been absolutely amazing. But not Z-RAHZ. This day was below average, and everyone knows it. I was the main focal point for a lot of our routine. The smallest dancer is often put front and center. If I screw up, everyone knows. So that has to be it. My right foot is still a bit screwed up from when it was twisted. I slipped up a bit on landing from my front aerial, I went too high on one of the toe touches, I had my hand open once when it was supposed to be closed. I screwed up! I screwed everything up!

I had texted Nara to meet me in our teams backstage room, so when I hear a knock on the door, I assume it's her. "Come in," I yell. Instead of seeing Nara's lightly tanned skin, short loose brown curls, and chocolate brown eyes, in steps a tall, red-haired boy, almost as pale as I am. He stays put for a few seconds, before turning back to the door. "Never mind, I'll leave," he mumbles. "No!" I yell. He freezes up. "Get back in here." The boy turns back, holding red roses. "Your girlfriend probably already left." "No these aren't for my girlfriend. Sorry, some girls said I would find you here. They're for you."

Oh Christ, he got me roses. Not only that but pink roses. No way he's one of our dancers siblings or something. So he's a complete stranger, which makes this even creepier. He better not think he is getting a single date with me.

He hands me the bouquet. There's a small card, written in Russian. 'Great job dancing today Nicolette! Mother would be proud of you! -Vadim.' "Oh thank god!" I say a bit too loudly. "What?" The boy asks. "I thought these were from you. But it seems my brother got them for me." "Oh. Well what's so wrong with that?" "Nothing. I was just a bit worried that you were going to ask me to date you or something. No offense but, it would never happen." "Oh..." He looks down to the ground. I almost wanna roll my eyes. "I don't mean it like that. I just... I have a-" Nara suddenly interrupts, by slamming the red haired boy into a wall.

"What are you doing in here?!" She yells. "Nara let him go, he was just..." "Answer my question, creep!" "I was just getting her some flowers. They're from her brother." Nara drops him to the ground, still holding his collar. Nara turns to me with a smile. I have no clue how she can go from kicking someone's ass to a sweet smile. "Why did you call me here Nicki?" "I just need to talk." I smile back to her. Nara glares back at the red head. "A few things before you go. One: Learn to fucking read! There's literally a sign on the door saying competitors only! You shouldn't be here under any circumstance. That should just be common sense! Two: Don't hit on my girlfriend..." "Wait, girlfriend? Like dating?" "Obviously," I answer. How dumb is this kid? "You got a problem with that?" Nara yells. "No, no, no! I- I'm bi. I have a boyfriend in Morioka. I'm totally cool with it." "Same here," I state. Nara drops his collar, and walks away. "I'll be outside with my brother. Lets go to my place." Nara kisses me on the cheek before walking out the door. 

I pick the red haired boy off the ground. "My name is Nicolette Vedmid. You can call me Nicole. I am sorry about Nara, but she's not exactly wrong. And thank you for the roses. I will be sure to let my brother know you gave them to me." The boy smiles. There are some tears drying on his face. I love Nara, but she is so harsh on people. "Now you." I smile back. "Oh... Um, I'm Genkaku Azuma. I'm transferring to The Tokyo Arts and Performance School." I take a piece of paper from my backpack, and write down my number and email address. "Talk to me anytime, Genkaku." I leave him and the locker room.

Nara is sitting next to her brother on the bench. "Congratulations Nicolette," He says with a smile. "Thank you Nagi, but we didn't do that well today." "Yes you did, you always do." I shake my head. Nara stands up. "Hey Nagi, do you think mom would be okay if Nicolette stayed the night?" She asks. "I'm guessing home isn't exactly safe for her tonight?" He speaks in a hushed tone. Nara nods her head. "Yeah, I don't think mom would have a problem. I just have to find Himeko and I'll drive you both home." "Thank you." Nagi walks off to find his girlfriend, while Nara takes my hand. "It's gonna be okay Nicki." "What if we don't make it to pre-sections now?" "Nicki, it's a very small set-back. There are teams who only ever got second or third who make it. Usually the teams that don't get there are ones that never place or only place like, once." "I feel like a complete fuck up." Nara sighs, pulling me into a hug. "You put too much pressure on yourself sweetheart." Nara keeps me close, holding on to me while we wait for her brother.

I need to get out. This year is my last shot. There's only nine more competitions to prove myself for pre-sections. Maybe it's a lot of pressure to place on myself, but it's pressure I need.


	5. Welcome Home

Genkaku  
December 16, 2013, 9:31pm

I'm probably gonna have bruises on my arms and back for a few weeks now. Nara might not be as tall as me, but she really managed to make me feel small. Not to mention that, unlike me, she actually has some muscle. Honest to god a real scary girl.

Guess Nicolette is taken. By a girl nonetheless. I have no problem with it. I'm bi myself. I just wish there was any hope for me to tell her how I feel. But she did say "same here" when I told her that. Maybe that means she's bi too. Maybe she meant she was a lesbian. But I would've guessed that. I really don't know. Guess I could ask. It’s not like it matters anyway, since she’s got a girlfriend.

My dad said to meet him at the lobby, and he was typing in all caps. So I probably shouldn't have snuck off. I round the corner to the front of the building to not only find my dad and Katsumi, but a tall brunette girl with two medals around her neck, a tall man with brown, graying hair and glasses, and a short black haired woman holding an infant. My sister, stepfather, mom, and half-brother. "Genkaku," my dad starts. "This is Miyako, Hiroto, Gin, and Aimi." He's glaring at Aimi. She looks scared. I don't think he'd hurt her. Dad just resents Aimi, that's all.

My dad places his left hand on my shoulder. "Goodbye Genkaku." Why goodbye? I won't be gone long. But whatever. They have to leave. "Goodbye dad. See ya soon." And with that, I start to walk out to Hiroto's car. "Oh wait!" My dad yells back. He hands me an envelope. "Don't open it till you get home. Okay? Promise?" "I won't. Promise." My dad nods, before I turn back to head outside.

Hiroto leads me and the family to a shiny, silver Lexus in the parking lot. "Is... is this yours?" I ask in shock. My dad doesn't even have a car. Hiroto runs his hand along my back. "Sure is son. Maybe you can have one like this some day." He takes a bit of my long hair. "But you should cut some of this off first. It'd be a lot easier than to get a good job like mine." The family climbs into the car, as Aimi straps Gin into his car seat. I take the seat next to the baby so I can play with him before he falls asleep.

After a few minutes of driving, my sister decides to introduce herself. "Hi Genkaku! I'm Miyako." "I know." "Be nice Genkaku, she's your sister," Aimi scolds. "Congrats on first today. That must've been tough." Miyako shrugs. "I worked the same as always. Just means the other teams weren't as good today." "Well I thought that blonde Russian girl from Z-RHAZ was pretty good. Do you know her?" Miyako scoffs. "Miss Nicolette Czarina Vedmid. Yes, everyone knows her. She's just some icy little bitch who's only the soloist because of her daddy’s money." How can people think that? Nicole is amazing. "I don't think you know what you're talking about. She's amazing. Their team takes first every comp for a reason. Well, except this one I suppose." "Look, I get it. You're a thirteen year old and she's a little bombshell blonde. Obviously you'll be biased to whatever girl you think could get you off. I mean, she's a good dancer, but is she soloist good?" "Can you do twenty turns in a row? If not then you might wanna shut up." Miyako just laughs and rolls her eyes. "Keep getting defensive like that and I'll know for sure you like her."

"Kids, please be nice. I don't see how you two are going to get along for next few years if some girl is enough to set you both off," Aimi sighs. "I'm going back home in two weeks. I'm pretty much just here for short periods of time, and I'll mostly be at school." Aimi turns her head to me. "Genkaku, did your father not tell you about our arrangement?" "What arrangement?" "Hiroto, stop the car!" He pulls the car to the side, and Aimi takes out her phone. "Aimi what are you doing?" he asks. "I'm calling that red head bastard!" A dial tone rings, and goes right to voicemail. "That son of a bitch!" Aimi yells. She sinks into her seat and sighs. "Genkaku, I have full custody of you. You're living with us. You won't be going back to Morioka."

When the hell was this decided?! Why didn't she tell me?! What in all hell is wrong with this woman?! I have a life in Morioka! A band, friends, good grades, multiple extracurriculars. Why didn't I get a say in this? It's my life! She does not get to suddenly decide that I have to leave behind my entire life without even asking me about it! "Genkaku," she starts. "What is wrong with you Aimi?!" I almost yell. I probably would've if not for the baby. "You haven't spoken to me in thirteen years, and now you take my entire life from me?! A heads up at the start of the year would've maybe been nice you know! I might only be thirteen, and I might be your kid, but I'm still a person! Why didn't I get a say in any of this?" "Genkaku, sweetheart, calm down. This wasn't something I just thought of doing. This was decided years ago." 

The woman takes a sip of coffee, before explaining herself. "I didn't want to give you up Genkaku. Maybe I thought I did when I was pregnant. Trust me, no teenage girl is thrilled to find out that they're having a baby. But when I held you for the first time, I realized that I just couldn't give you up. But my grandparents disagreed. They're from a different time Genkaku. They just... didn't approve. But I didn't care about any of that. I loved you. You're my son."

Aimi pauses for a few moments. It's not like me to be so tough on people, but it's hard to be nice when someone has just taken you away from everyone you know, from everything you know. "Your father and I made a deal with our lawyers. He had custody of you till I was thirty. By then, I knew I would be able to give you the life you deserved. That I would be married, I'd have money, and a father and maybe a sibling or two for you." Hiroto pulls into the driveway of a large manor. "What do you think Genkaku," Aimi is smiling slightly. "Was I right?"

The home has an Edo period style, with a koi pond and cherry trees in the front yard. In the back, brown fences, a large play-set, and a pool. The house is two floors, and both floors are enormous. Beautiful too. Traditional. And clearly they have the money to back it up, considering that my mom and her husband are both lawyers. There's an Infiniti parked in the driveway. "Welcome home son," Hiroto says with pride as he opens my car door.

The inside of the house is just as nice as the outside. Traditional Japanese furniture, very clean, and well decorated. But instead of admiring the furniture and wallpaper, I prefer to look at the photos. Specifically, the line made up of three baby pictures. On the end, the newborn, Gin. He’s wearing a little blue hat, smiling in the professional looking photos. At the beginning, a photo of a baby girl, rolling around in lavender, holding a teddy bear to her chest. And right in the middle, a picture of a sleeping newborn with a pacifier dressed in pastel green with blood red hair.

I've never seen any of my baby pictures before. The only picture from my childhood were taken by my grandma, and those were only taken when I was already a toddler. By the time I'd gotten to Morioka, I was almost a year old. Most kids I know have seen their baby pictures by the time they're thirteen. But most of those kids have also always known their mother.

Miyako races over to me and asks if she can take me to my room. "I decorated it myself," she says happily. Is this the same person I was just arguing with in the car? "I looked you up on Instagram, found your Tumblr, and decorated it based on that." "Cool. I'll be up in a sec." The girl looks up to the photo. "I almost forgot who that baby in the photo was. I've seen that picture every single day, but I've always just thought of it as just a cute baby. Guess now I should think of it as a picture of my little brother." "I suppose so." We stand in silence for a few seconds. "Hey, I'm sorry for what I said in the car," she says. "Nicolette is a really great dancer. A lot of people look up to her. I'm just... kinda jealous." "Don't be. You're really good. She probably has just been dancing longer." She scoffs. "She's been dancing since age four. And she gets private lessons from a ballet instructor and a gymnastics instructor. And I'm also sorry for saying you only thought she was good because she's attractive, and kind of implying you to be a pervert." "Don't worry about it Miyako." 

My mom walks to the halfway-point on the stars, and drapes her arms around me and Miyako. She smiles and pushes my hair out of my eyes. "You were such a cute baby Genkaku," she says with a smile. "I'm so happy to have you back." "I think, maybe, I'll feel a bit better once I settle in." "I understand. You start school next week at Tokyo Arts and Performance school. So I'm glad you got to see the school. You'd better cut that hair. There's a strict dress code." I smile to my mother for the first time in thirteen years. "Yeah, I'll get that done."


	6. Staring

Nicolette  
December 16, 2013, 9:37pm

Nara opens the back door to her brother's car. "Ladies first," she says with a smile. "You're a lady too Nara," I giggle as I climb in. "Lady wouldn't be a fair word. Girl yes, but I don't think I'd ever call myself a lady." 

Nagi gets into the drivers seat as his girlfriend takes the seat next to him. She's a nice girl. I don't talk to her much, but she seems sweet. They're both such quiet, calm people. Himeko is a pretty good dancer. Not like, my level, but she's good. She told me once she only really does this for fun. 

"What were you talking about with that boy?" Nara asks. "Just how he's transferring to Tokyo Arts and Performance School, moving in with his mom." "Divorced parents?" "Don't know. Didn't come up." "Good on him I guess for getting in. Do you know what he's doing?" "Nope. I could text him." "You have his number?" "Oh. No I don't, he has mine but he hasn't texted."

Nara raises her brow. "Why did you give him your number?" "Are you mad at me?" "I'm just wondering." "He's just a weird kid, seemed a bit messed up. And I kinda felt bad." 

Nagi laughs a bit up front. "What?" I ask. "Just, Nicolette Vedmid feeling bad for a person, just, kinda out of character." "What?!" "Sorry Nicki, he has a point," Nara responds. "I care about other people! I care about you." "Yeah but other than that I mean..." Nara trails off. "What, What do you mean?" "You kinda glare at people in the hallways, and just last week a girl was crying in the bathroom and you walked out and rolled your eyes at her." "She was crying about a test." "Yeah and?" "And you know where I'm from. You know what I've been through and seen, I'm sorry if a test is kinda trivial compared to that." "It's not a competition Nicki. And you don't know what's up with this kid. Why do you care this time?" "You kinda slammed him against a locker. Like, really hard. I was a little worried you like, cracked his spine or something." 

"So you only care if you see someone hurt?" Nagi asks. Nara laughs at that. "Nope! She saw a girl who slipped down a whole flight of stairs. Thought it was hilarious." "It was!" "She fractured her ankle Nic." "It was her own fault." Nara shoots me a side eyed glance. "Do you disagree?" "I mean, no to be fair it was a bit funny till she started wailing."

Nagi pulls into the driveway of his house. He turns off the car as his girlfriend opens her door. She's been silent the whole time. Nara opens the door right after I do. "So do you only care if you someone being hurt by someone else?" Nagi asks. I stay silent. "That a yes blondie?" "Don't call me that." "Is it?" I shrug. "Nag, drop it." Nara whisper-yells. "Why?" "Put two and two together." Nagi ponders it a few seconds. "Oh! Yeah... right. Sorry."

I walk up the flight of stairs to Nara's bedroom. Eyes on the ground, don't look up. I click open the bedroom door, walk in, and flop down on her silver and green bed. Nara sets down our bags, and lies next to me. "Are you okay?" "I'm fine." "You sure?" "Yes, god, stop worrying about me!" "Now you know that isn't fair to ask of me." Nara kisses my cheek. 

"You're doing it again blondie," she drawls. "Doing what?" "You're slipping Nicki. You're safe here." "I know, love." "How about we get that makeup off and wash out all that hair product? Gotta keep that perfect hair and skin right?" My girlfriend takes my hand. I smile back at her, and sit up." "Gotta stay pretty for my beautiful girlfriend." "You're always pretty my lovely lady."

———————-

I stare back into my eyes in the mirror. It's hard to face the cuts and bruises. On my neck, my arms. Chanel foundation works well to cover them up. My face has never felt a bruise, never will. He knows where not to hit. Otherwise someone would start asking questions. My neck is always hard to cover up. Takes some foundation, and a few layers of concealer. A little color corrector if they're still really purple looking. 

"Nicki?" Nara knocks on the bathroom door. "You okay?" She asks. "I'm fine." "You dressed?" "I have a towel on. And, I mean, would it matter if I wasn't?" Nara opens the bathroom door. Her eyes dip down to the large bruise on my neck, then back up when she remembers I don't like when people stare. "Your hair looks nice," she says with a forced smile. "Thanks. Sorry." "For what?" "I don't know." "So, nothing?" "I suppose." "Don't slip out again. Stay with me. Deep breathes." 

I look back into my girlfriend's eyes. Some days are easier. I can stay in my head. As much as I struggle with my math courses, Tokyo Arts and Performance school is sometimes the one thing that keeps me in my own head. Maybe it's the small amount of stupid, pointless high school power I have there. Maybe it's my dancing, singing, acting, my violin. Being a different person for a bit, or just only focusing on my movements and notes.

"Hey, Nicki," my girlfriend snaps her fingers right in front of my eyes. "What, yeah sorry." "Something specifically getting to you tonight?" I don't respond. "Please, baby girl talk to me." I sigh. "It's... it's just hard to face myself sometimes." "You haven't done anything wrong." "No I mean, it's just hard to look at myself." "Nicole, not even saying this as your girlfriend, you're one of the most beautiful girls I've ever met." "No you don't get it, I mean..." I trail off. "Nicole?" "I mean all the bruises and the cuts. Hell even my surgery scars. I mean I know they saved my life and all but it feels like when I'm looking at myself it's not even me."

Nara cups my face in the palm of her hand. "Nicki, you're gonna get out someday.” "Am I? I've tried." "It takes time." "It's taking too long. I just want help." "I know, baby I wish there was something I could do." Nara kisses my lips. I don't kiss her back.

"How about we go to sleep sweetheart. Get away from the mirror. You'll feel better." "Okay." "I love you. Sweetheart you know that right?" "I love you too. I'm sorry you have to be dragged into this." "You're not dragging me into anything. I care about you. I wish there was more I could do to help." Nara takes my hand. "Come on, its been a long day. Let's go to sleep."


	7. Home

Genkaku  
December 16st, 2013, 9:40pm

My sister takes my hand, and leads me up to my new room at the end of the hall. "I only heard you were coming last year," she says. "But I still had plenty of time to make it perfect! You'll love it I promise!" Miyako opens up a brown door, revealing my room.

I gotta admit, I didn't have high expectations, but Miyako really did a great job. Red walls, plush black carpet. Posters cover every wall. I have a desk with a new laptop, painting canvases, paints, brushes, and a whole slew of art supplies. There's an ensuite and a walk-in closet. But what really caught my eye was the flawless, top brand black and red electric guitar sitting next to the closet door. I run over to touch the new strings, careful not to leave fingerprints on the paint.

"I saw some photos of you with a guitar on your Instagram, thought you might like an upgrade," Miyako smiles. "Do you like it?" I nod to my step-sister. "I'm in- well... was in a band. Played lead guitar." "Oh my god that's so cool!" She exclaims. "I've always wanted to be in a band, but my dad..." She looks away to the ground. "C'mon, we're siblings now, you can tell me," I say encouragingly. "Well..." she starts. "My dad thinks my music is a waste of time. I play bass. He was pretty against the idea of getting you a guitar, but my mom got it anyway. He thinks my dancing is a better use of time." "Don't you like dancing?" "No! I used to in like, kindergarten, but my head coach is a bitch, the other girls are mean to me, and I really, really, don't care about it."

She sits on my bed to vent to me. I just realized she probably doesn't have many people she can talk to about this stuff. Her brother is only one month old, and she doesn't seem to get along with her dad. Not sure about mom. It sounds like she might not be well liked at school. I get it. Like I said before, people are not nice to red heads. They're even meaner to the social outcasts like me. And they can be downright cruel to LGBTQ kids. I know she falls under the second category. But she does go to a stuffy, all girls, private school. And I soon will as well. Except for the all girls part, of course.

"My dad is a lot older than our mom you know," she sighs. "Believes a proper girl shouldn't have passions like music and art. But he wants me to have college credit. I wanted to play volleyball, but he says it's not very "ladylike". So he signed me up for dance." She stops for a few seconds to think. "You're gonna have to join a sport too, y'know." "Okay." "Anything you're good at. I'm guessing basketball." "I'm a bit better than average. Played a little while in Morioka. How did you guess?" She giggles slightly. "You're like, at least five inches taller than the tallest girl on my basketball team." "Oh. I guess I am."

I kind of like Miyako. I've never met her before, and I share absolutely no DNA with her. But somehow we're completely alike. We love the same music, seem to have the same problems, and it seems that we're both artists. If she wanted, she'd be an amazing interior decorator. "Miyako can I hear your bass?" I ask. "Yes!" She almost yells, pulling me to her room. 

Miyako’s room emulates mine, but with more purples and blues. She has a desk in the corner filled with art supplies and sculpting tools. A few band posters litter her room, mostly punk. But there is a Fleetwood Mac poster. There are some makeup kits and hair chalks by her mirror, and next to it is a teal bass guitar. "What was the first song you fully learned?" She asks. "Swear it’s the same one every emo guitar player learns first. Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana," I answer. "Really? Oh my god, mine too! I swear to god, we're like soul sisters or something." I laugh a bit at her comment. "I'm your brother, Miyako." "Not anymore!" She jokes. Miyako picks up her bass, and begins to play a line from Smells Like Teen Spirit.

I can tell just from hearing the first few notes: Hiroto is so, so wrong about Miyako. She's an amazing musician. A prodigy if I've ever heard one. If she wanted, she could be a professional. Her music, her art, none of it is a waste of time. This is clearly something she loves, and she's really good at. I've heard so many fantastic bass players, but none so far have topped her.

She finishes up after a few moments, earning my applause. "Do you really think I'm good, or are you just being nice?" She asks. "You're so great Miyako!" I exclaim. "You really, truly are! You good go pro!" She runs to me, and wraps her arms around my neck. "Thank you. Thank you so much! You're the only person whose ever told me I was good!"

After hearing my sister play, we decide it's time for bed. I retreat to my new room, and lay down on the soft, enormous black bed for the first time, before taking out my phone to text Eito and Nicolette. I text Eito first, but he's not good at responding. That's fine. I can wait. 

Genkaku: So, I guess I'm staying in Tokyo. Permanently. It's a long story, so we can talk when you wake up. Love you <3

Nicolette however texts back instantly. 

Genkaku: Hi Nic. Just got to my mom's place. Apparently she took full custody of me, which I really didn't know until now. So I'm staying in Tokyo. I'll be at Tokyo Arts and Performance after winter break.

Nicolette: How in all hell is she able to do that?Also, do not call me "Nic". Nicole or Nicolette. That’s it.

Genkaku: Damn, alright then. It was arranged when I was a baby. She just never told me.

Nicolette: I see. Well, welcome to life in a new city. Although I guess you were born here, right?

Genkaku: Yeah, but I remember none of it. So this city feels pretty new to me. And I have to leave behind my entire family, my friends, my school activities.

Nicolette: I can’t relate. I was very prepared for my immigration to Japan.

Genkaku: When did you come here anyway? Recently I suppose.

Nicolette: Almost four years ago. 

Azuma: No way! But you still have an accent.

Nicolette: I live in a house filled with Russians and we pretty much only speak Russian at home. Accents really only change once you are surrounded by people speaking that language, with that accent.

Genkaku: okay then. Why do you use such formal writing?

Nicolette: I do?

Genkaku: You put too many unnecessary words in your sentence, you rarely use compounds. Your grammar's amazing, but it's like, too good. You sound like you're writing a book, not just talking to someone. Y'know what I mean?

Nicolette: What’s so wrong with that?

Genkaku: You sound too refined.

Nicolette: So, the point of texting is to sound like an idiot?

Genkaku: if you don't wanna sound stuck up then, yeah I guess. 

Nicolette: No matter how I speak I will always look and sound different so why bother changing? And considering who my family is, it should not be surprising that I would wish to sound refined.

Genkaku: What are you a Russian princess?

Nicolette: Russia has no Royal family. They were all assassinated in the revolution. Just search Vedmid on Google. You will see.

I'm actually surprised I haven't Googled her yet. But to be fair, I've never gotten her last name till now. So I do what she asks, and Google "Vedmid". The first thing to come up, is the Wiki page of Demitri Vedmid, a billionaire from Russia. Clicking on his page and scrolling down a bit shows that he started making money in oil in 1991, and grew up a few more companies. He has a net worth of 14,657,290,179 U.S dollars, which, while it isn't anywhere near like, the richest person on Earth, it’s still more money than I would make in over a thousand lifetimes. Scrolling down a bit more shows that he had a wife, Vera LeBlanc, who died on February 14th, 1999, and that he has three children, Vladimir (26) Vadim (16) and... Nicolette?

Genkaku: Your dad is a billionaire?!

Nicolette: Exactly.

Genkaku: But... Your mom died when the year you were born. I'm so sorry.

Nicolette: No need to apologize. I never met her. I wish I had, but I cannot change the circumstances of my birth.

Genkaku: Nicole, is February 14th your birthday?

Nicolette: Starting to put the pieces together I see?

Genkaku: But how did she die?

Nicolette: You have full access to her Wikipedia page. Use it.

So, I click on the blue link to her name. The opening paragraph says that she was born January 6th, 1968 in Paris, which makes Nicolette half-French. She began her career as a ballerina at the age of 15. When she was 18, she met Demitri Vedmid on tour in the USSR, and fell in love. At 20, she married him, and a year later, she had her first son, Vladimir Vedmid, on June 22nd, 1988, and quit ballet to focus on her family. On May 2nd, 1997, she had another child, Vadim Vedmid. She had her final child, Nicolette on February 14th, 1999, and died the same day.

I have to scroll a little more to find out exactly what happened. Her wiki says that while she was pregnant with her third child, she began to have seizures from pre-eclampsia, and was admitted to a hospital in Moscow, February 14th 1998 at 4:26am. For the safety of the mother and child, she had an emergency C-Section, even though the baby was only at twenty-nine weeks gestation. She was allowed to see her child once, but was still having seizures. Unfortunately, an hour after her baby was born, she suffered a brain hemorrhage and was declared brain dead, and a hour later, Demitri decided to pull the plug on her. There's a photo of a small, skinny baby, with translucent red skin, tubes plugged in all over her body. To think that I know the baby in that photo; it's a haunting feeling. But I do at least know that the child is doing well.

According to an interview with Vera's sister, Simone LeBlanc, before being declared brain-dead, Vera was asked for what she had wanted to name her baby. While the family had decided on the name "Vanya", Vera told her doctor that she wanted to name the baby "Nicolette" instead, to show Vera's wishes for the child. The name Nicolette is a French name, meaning victory of the people. It was changed to express Vera's hopes for her daughter and her survival.

The child was put into the care of Vera's sister, before Simone died of leukemia in January of 2009. After that, Nicolette moved to live with her father in Tokyo, Japan.

Genkaku: You're two whole months premature? How are you even alive?

Nicolette: Doctors call me a living miracle, but I do not believe in miracles. I owe my life to incubation, therapy, and a double lung and heart transplant.

Genkaku: Is the origin of your name actually true?

Nicolette: Of course. My aunt told me that story many times.

Genkaku: It's incredibly sad, but it's a great story. I wish my name had an actual meaning.

Nicolette: What does Genkaku mean?

Genaku: A stringed instrument. I guess it’s kinda cool, since I play the guitar. If there’s a story behind it, I’ve never heard it.

Nicolette: Maybe ask your mom someday.

Genkaku: I'll do that. Your aunt died too huh?

Nicolette: Yes, and her girlfriend was shot when I was seven. She helped Vera a lot with me. One of our neighbors found out that she was a lesbian, and they shot her outside the apartment. The police barely bothered to investigate. The man who did it got no prison time. They found out she was a lesbian, and that was that. 

Genkaku: I'm really sorry Nicole. Losing someone who raised you is just hell.

Nicolette: Did your father not raise you?

Genkaku: Kinda. My grandmother mostly cared for us. She was only fifty-seven. Died after a car crash when I was seven.

Nicolette: My condolences. It is so hard to lose your family.

Genkaku: Agreed.

Nicolette: But how is your new family?

Genkaku: They seem nice. They're rich I guess. Not anywhere near as much as your dad, but still.

Nicolette: Well, be careful with who you choose to trust. Even family can make your life a living hell.

A video call soon comes in from Eito. I answer instantly with a smile. "Hey love. Can't believe you're-" "You're staying in Tokyo?” “Uh, Yeah." "Why?" "I guess when I was a baby my parents worked out a situation where Aimi would get custody of me when I was thirteen." "So you can't leave till you're eighteen?" "Pretty much. We'll make this work. This doesn't change at all how I feel about you." "Gotta be honest Genkaku, I don't feel the same." My expression goes blank. "What do you mean." "I mean, I can't do the long distance thing. And this is really long distance." "Eito, are you... are you breaking up with me?" Eito shrugs. "I guess I am." "Wait but..." "Genkaku, I'm not gonna hold myself down with a boyfriend I can't even hold. There are other gay guys at this school. I'll miss you, but I'm not gonna cry myself to sleep about how I can't even kiss you cause you're so far away." "We don't need to touch each other to be in love!" "We're not in love!" There's a bit of silence between us. "You're thirteen. I'm fourteen. High school relationships don't last. But I still wanna have fun and date and... you wouldn't even have sex with me. And I'm more than sure there are plenty of guys here who would. There's no reason to stay together. We would've broken up eventually any way." I don't know what to say. I wanna tell him I love him. Maybe I don't. Maybe I just think I do. But sex doesn't equal love. I know that. I'm not sure he does. But I might be too young to know what love is. I've only had one girlfriend before Eito. But I know I at least have feelings for him. Eito doesn't wait to long for me to say something back. He signs off without even a goodbye, before he proceeds to block me.

I probably sobbed a good half hour before I remembered the envelope from my dad. Maybe there was something to explain this. 

I open the box. In it, my birth certificate, my passport, and a letter. I rip it open. This should explain why he didn't tell me.

Genkaku,  
I'm sorry, but I can't deal with this. I'm not gonna continue to raise a gay kid, or whatever it was you said you were. Honestly I blame myself. Should've had you in more sports maybe. I know you didn't choose it, but I still don't think it's right. So no, you're not coming home when you decide you're not. Considering how far you've been willing to go, dating and kissing other guys, you won't get over this. I'm sorry, but I won't have a gay kid in my house.

He didn't even sign the letter. Is Aimi's story even true? Or did my dad just dump me on her because I'm not straight? Does he love me anymore? If he was willing to kick me out so easily just because I like guys, did he even love me in the first place.

I didn't get to sob over everything that happened today for long. Hiroto interrupted me by opening my door, and locking it, shooting me a predatory grin the entire time.


	8. TAP

Nicolette  
January 6th, 2014, 11:53am

When I first immigrated to Japan,  
my father's first choice of school was the International School of Tokyo. An enormous private school meant for students who have lived out of Japan for at least five years, and speak at least two languages. It is not tough to get into. There are no entrance exams or anything. They will however, require that you take at least one extra-curricular per year though, and tuition will cost you quite a bit. Other than that though, if you have met those requirements, you can go to their primary and high schools for the rest of grade-school. 

Of course I made a different choice. The fact that he went along with it was a blessing. I justified it by telling him that since my job would be "in the home" then why not an art school, so the man I marry will have a pretty, talented wife just like he did. Saying it like that disgusted me, but I'll get out of here one day. I have to. He agreed to it, and I've been able to study dance, singing, the violin, and musical theater here.

Genkaku’s parents have decided to send him here too. I would've assumed he would sit with the other, I guess outcast weirdo kids, but today he is alone. God, new kids are pathetic. I didn’t even have that much of an issue. I simply sat down by the other dancer girls. I do have some separate LGBTQ friends, a few theater friends but I don’t hang out with them much. 

"Nicki?" Nara pipes up. She's the only non-dancer at our table. She is one of managers at Z-RAHZ though. “C'mon Czarina snap out of it. I know you have ADHD but..." "Did someone say something?" "No, you just seem out of it," Nara answers. "So Nicki, what are you doing over winter? Daddy taking the family back to Italy? Maybe another trip to France?” Ayaka asks. "No, he has to do an annual check up on his American hq. Me and Vadim will be home alone." "Oh my god! Yes! Another party at Nicki's place!" Sada cheers. "Of course. Vadim is going to bring a few eleventh years too." "Ooh! Nicki your brother is so cute!" Naomi coos. "Ew, Naomi how would you feel if I said one of your brothers is cute? I mean I wouldn’t, cause they’re like, sixth years. But, still.” “I gotta stock up my closet. Nicki can I borrow a pair of Louboutins?" Ayaka asks. "No way! Those shoes are my babies. I will loan you a pair of Chanel shoes though. But if I even see a scuff on them, you are buying me a new pair." "Deal." 

He keeps looking up at us. Creepy. That red head is bumming me out. "Hey Nicki, who's the red head? He keeps looking over here?" Sada asks. "Some pathetic new kid. I met him at the dance meet like, two weeks ago. Now he thinks I’m his friend or something." "Yeah cause you gave him your number." Nara remarks. "Yeah I didn’t think he would use it. I thought he would move on to something else." "So why is he here?" Ayaka asks. "Some custody thing with his mother." "If he thinks you two are friends you should talk to him." "Why?" "I don't know, he looks kinda depressed. If you aren't gonna, I will." Naomi says. "Again, why?" "He's cute! I love a fixer upper!" "You have no standards Naomi. Fine, talk to him."

Naomi walks over to his table and sits down. The entire table turns to watch her. "I'm Naomi Santo. Are you new here?" Genkaku nods. "So, what's up." He shrugs. "Are you deaf?" "No, of course not.” “Oh! I thought you couldn't understand me." "What do you want?" "Nicki said she gave you her number, but of course she's a total bitch so..." she takes out a piece of paper, scribbling something across it. "Hit me up." "Why do you think Nicolette is a bitch?" "Oh she thinks you’re pathetic. But like, it's okay if you're like homesick or something." "Okay." "So you're not from around here huh? What city?" "Morioka." "Why are you so depressed." "None of your business." "Damn, okay. Well, talk to me any time." Naomi runs back to the table.

I can't help but laugh. "God, I can not tell who was more awkward! Good show Naomi!" "Jealous?" "Not even a little." I bring my girlfriend's hand up from under the table. "Okay, well you should talk to him. Cause I think he doesn't like me or something. And I kinda wanna know what's going on." "Ugh! Fine! If it will get you to stop talking about it." 

I walk over to Genkaku’s table. "Okay, what is your deal?" I ask as I place my hands on the table in front of him. "What do you mean?" "Naomi Santo, who is so cute, just gave you her number, basically asked you out, and you are just ignoring her." "I'm not ready to relapse." "It's been two weeks!" "Yeah well... I really loved him. Look, there's other shit going on. I don't wanna bring a girl into it." "What else could possibly be happening?" "You promise not to tell?" "Is it illegal?" "Yes." "What did you do?" "I didn't do anything. Someone did something to me." My smile turns to worry. "We... we can talk about this later if you want. Somewhere less public." "Can you come over after school?" "I have dance practice." "After that?" Tears are forming in his eyes. "Yeah. That works." "Okay. Will you tell me what happened to your arm?" I pull my sleeve down instinctively." "I bruised it at practice." "So you bandaged it?" "What happened is none of your concern." "Yes it is. Hey I went through some tough shit too y’know. I still have the scars." "I am not cutting myself. Or burning. None of that." "Is someone hurting you Nicole?" "Not your concern." "It is now." "Look, maybe I'll tell you after practice. Maybe. Lunch is almost over. I'm going back to my table." "Hey you used contractions!" "Yes Genkaku, I know how to. I choose not to." 

I walk back to my table and pick up my white Chanel leather purse. Nara already left for gym. "So what's going on?" Ayaka asks. "He won't tell me." "Well shit. Okay, well, I'm bored. Hey Nicki, we should go shopping after practice." "I can't. I’m busy." "Doing what?" "Genkaku wants to see me after practice." "Ooh! Why?" Naomi asks. "To talk I guess." "Why did you agree?" "Curiosity." That is not even close to true. Honestly, I am a bit worried about him. And it kind of would be nice to have someone else to talk to about what my father is doing to me. Nara is the only one who knows, aside from my siblings. Truthfully, I just need someone, just one more person, who I can trust in this fucked up world.


	9. Not Perfect

Genkaku  
January 6th, 2014, 5:36pm

Though my instinct when I hear a knock on my door is to lock it and hide, I'm relieved to hear Miyako's voice asking to come in my room. "It's open." I say to her. She slowly opens the door, holding Gin in her arms. "I thought you might wanna get to know your baby brother," she smiles, walking over and sitting on my bed. The baby is wide awake, cooing and moving his arms and legs, smiling bright as the sun. I let him hold my finger, but after a while he lets go and starts pulling Miyako's hair.

"Oh shit," she swears as she tries to separate Gin from her hair. "Hey you wanna hold him? Since you cut your hair, I'm sure he won't torture you as much." "Oh I... I guess." She hands me the baby, resting his head on my left arm. "Cute isn't he?" Miyako asks. "Well, till he gets a hold of your hair." "Heh, yeah. He is pretty adorable." "Wait till your eighteen, and that kid's an evil little four year old." "I'm taking it you don't like kids?" I ask her. She shakes her head. "They're loud little demons, bent on destroying your life. So no, I don't like kids." "Is that what my mom told you?"

Gin is now fast asleep. It's amazing how fast babies can sleep. It takes me like an hour. But he's still so adorable. Holding a baby is oddly relaxing. "Mom says when you were first born, you were just this insanely calm kid. Only cried when you needed something, usually affection, and not very loudly. She says you just kinda whimpered. And you didn't eat much. That was really your only problem." She puts the baby's pacifier in his mouth, and pets his hair a bit. "You didn't cry when you were born." Miyako says in a quiet voice. "Really? But that means..." "Yeah, you almost died. Actually, I think you did for a few seconds, but they were able to resuscitate you." "Oh." I wonder what would've happened if I'd died. Would Aimi have just gotten on with her life? Maybe it would've been better for her. And maybe for myself.

"So, Miyako, if you don't mind me asking, what did happen to your mom? Your biological one. Just, divorced or something?" I ask her. I'm just kinda wondering. I wanna know more about her. "She died, four years ago, when I was twelve." "Oh my god, I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have..." "Don't worry about it. You didn't know." "Are you okay with saying how or..." "Suicide. She went and did it in Los Angeles in the U.S. Always wanted to visit. Guess she wanted her last couple days to be there." "Miyako I'm... I'm really so so sorry." Suddenly, the baby starts crying, and Miyako takes him back. "Sorry, he just ate. I forgot to burp him." She drapes Gin over her shoulder and softly pats his back. "Genkaku, things aren't perfect here, okay?" "I know." "Good. I know we just look like a happy, upper class family, but... things happen here that just... look, this family has some problems with it."

I feel like I should tell her what's happening. I really trust her. I don't think I'll be ruining much. She doesn't seem to like Hiroto. She deserves to know what's happening. "Miyako..." I almost whisper. "Your dad... Hiroto... he..." "He's been touching you?" At this point, I can't help but just start crying, burying my face into my hands. I've never heard, nor said the words. It just feels more real now. "How... How did you know?" I ask between sobs. "Because he does the same thing to me." She sighs. "Started when I was five. It's why my mom killed herself. Chances are, he'll do the same to Gin when he's a little older." I'm not the only one. I know that. I have people who know what I'm going through. And it feels more depressing and terrifying than relieving. 

"Genkaku, you can't tell mom." She says, tears pooling her in her eyes. "I already lost one mother... she... I just would rather have her with us." "I know. But then... How do we end this? Do we just have to... like deal with all this? Will Gin just have to go through it?" "I'd rather that." "Because you're not thinking of us. Of your brothers. Miyako, please, you have two years here. I have four. Gin, he has at least fifteen, maybe more." "So you'd rather have our mom dead?!" "Miyako, she's a strong person. It'll hurt her like hell, but I don't think she'd kill herself. I don't wanna tell her either but... well think of what he could do to Gin." She looks down to the sleeping baby on her shoulder. "I'd rather tell her myself," Miyako says. "Maybe it'd be better coming from someone who isn't really her child." With that, Miyako walks out of room, holding Gin close to her chest.

A few minutes after I'm done crying, I feel ready to maybe work on some music. I've mostly just been writing songs and sheet music, taking time to simply sample how it sounds rather than playing whole songs. But, I'm interrupted by the creak of my bedroom door, and I start sobbing all over again.


	10. Leaving

Nicolette  
January 6th, 2014, 5:38pm

As my coach wraps up practice, Nara walks over to me, and drapes her arm over my shoulder. "How are you my Czarina?" She asks in a sweet voice. "I'm fine." "So, your dad isn't home right? Maybe you could finally let me see that mansion of yours?" "Not tonight, I have plans with a friend." After hearing that, Nara pulls her arm off my shoulder. "What plans? What friend?" "Genkaku wanted me to meet him after school." "For?" "Just to hang out I guess. He just moved here, and I think I'm probably his only friend." "Oh, so he's playing a sympathy card?" "Nara he has problems. I think he needs help" "Nic, I just want you to be safe." "I'm plenty safe. You know I'm perfectly able to defend myself. And he seems trustworthy to an extent. I'm certain he won't try anything." Nara sighs. "Alright darling. If you think so." "I love you." "I love you too my Czarina."

After a ten minute subway ride, and a ten minute walk, I finally get to Genkaku’s house. I ring the bell, and a young woman with black hair opens the door. Probably his mother. "Can I help you sweetie?" She asks kindly. "My name is Nicolette. I'm one of Genkaku’s friends." "Oh that's great! He has friends! Come in Nicolette. He's in his room." 

Genkaku’s house is pretty nice. It's not a mansion, but it definitely cost a fair amount. Not to mention the two sports cars parked in the driveway. On the stairs, Genkaku’s mother and I pass a brunette girl with purple streaks in her hair, holding a black haired baby boy. She's looking straight at the floor. "Miyako, what's wrong?" Her mother asks with concern in her voice. "Mom, I have to tell you something." She says softly. "Of course dear." "Can we get Genaku. He has something pretty similar to say." "Well that's exactly what we're doing. Come on. Let's go upstairs." The mother takes her baby from her daughter's arms, and leads us to the room farthest down the hall.

She knocks on the door, waits a few seconds for a response, and when she doesn't get one, she opens the door, to see her son sobbing on his bed, with her husband on top of him. 

Miyako runs into her brother's room, and tries to attack her father. Mrs. Awaji runs downstairs to call the police. Mr. Awaji pushes his daughter away, and tries runs after his wife to try and stop her. "Dear wait, I can explain!" He yells. "What could you possibly explain?! I know exactly what I saw you bastard!" She screams back. 

Genkaku has a blanket over himself now. His sister is running her hand up and down his back as he sobs into his hands, but he quickly pushes her away. She scoffs, and walks out to her mom, and I take her place on the bed, and Genkaku buries his face into my chest, sobbing as I try to do the same as his sister, only for him to ask me to stop, to just hold him.

I can soon here two cars pulling up, getting closer to the house. Most likely the police. This isn’t like, an emergency or anything so they probably don’t need to come in lights flashing. "Genkaku, you wanna go downstairs?" I ask. "Why?" "The police probably need to talk to you." He sniffles a little, and pulls himself away. "Okay." I leave the room to let Genkaku put his clothes on. Once he’s done, I lead him down the stairs as he grips on to my hand.

One police officer has Mr. Awaji in handcuffs, another is questing Miyako. She tells her that her dad has done the same to her since she was five. "It's why..." She hesitates. "I think it's why my mother killed herself." The officer is writing down everything she's saying. Her step-mother is in the corner, crying and holding her baby, talking on the phone to her mother. "I can't believe I married him. God what was I thinking," she sobs. "You were right mom. I'm so sorry." The policewoman soon finishes up with questioning Miyako, and walks over to talk to Genkaku. "You must be Genkaku, right?" She asks very softly. He nods. "I'm officer Ohno. Genkaku, I need to ask you a few questions about what happened tonight. Some of it might be painful to answer, but I need you to for a police report. Think you can do that?" "Yes."

She flips to another piece of paper, and begins her questions. "How old are you?" "Why does that matter?" "We need to know your age." "I'm thirteen, I'll be fourteen in March." "When did all of this start?" "When I moved here." "Which was?" "December 16th." "So about three weeks. Did anyone know before this incident?" "My sister. I told her a bit earlier today." "Okay. Did you know about what he was doing to your sister?" "Only learned this evening." "Did he threaten you in anyway?" "He... He said if I said something that... That he would drown my brother and... That he was gonna start hitting my mom." She flips back to her first page, and marks something. Perhaps Miyako was told the same thing. After that, she continues asking questions. "Did he abuse you in any other ways?" "He hit me a few times. He... He cut me while he was touching me. And his... the stuff he said... I know it sounds stupid, but it hurt." "Alright. Do you have any physical markings from this? If so where?" "Do I have to answer this?" "Yes Genkaku, every question." "Just... like some cuts and stuff. Scratches mostly." "Did he scratch you at all tonight?" "Yeah." "We'll test for DNA under his finger nails. You're probably gonna have to come down to the station sometime. We won't ask you to tonight."

"Okay." The woman sighs. "One more. Are you willing to testifying as against Hiroto Awaji?" Genkaku looks to me, silently asking for an answer. I place my other hand on top of his. "This is your decision to make. Not mine." "I just... What would you do?" "I'd put him in prison for the rest of his life." He nods, letting more tears fall down his face. "Yes. I'll testify." The officer rests her left hand on Genkaku’s shoulder. "I'm so sorry sweetheart. I truly am. These are some of the worst cases I have to deal with, and I'm so sad that it happens to someone so young." She pauses a few seconds, and stands up. "I'm gonna talk to your friend now. Why don't you go talk to your mother." Genkaku runs to the other room, cuddling up to his mom, both of them sobbing.

"Hello Nicolette." She smiles. "Pig," I respond. She shakes her head. "Nicolette, I've told you, there is nothing I can do." "I have brought forth so much evidence, I ran away twice, I tried to kill myself, what more do you need for Social Services or the police to fucking do something?!" "Nicolette, I'm on your side, okay? I believe you. It is not my fault that my station won't do anything!" "Because your station is full of corrupt pigs, who would rather make an extra ¥10,000,000 a year than save a child's life! You know that like the same as like ¥100 to him, right?!" "I haven't accepted one penny from him Nicole." "I could care less! Go to the city, someone other than the police chief!" "I'd lose my job Nicolette." "You're just as bad as the rest of them! You call yourself a good cop but when push comes to shove you only look out for yourself." "I just wanna help your friend, okay?! Now just put aside your vendetta, just for a few minutes, and let me do my job." With that, I just shut up and answer her questions.

"How long have you know Genkaku was being molested?" She asks, still a bit agitated. "Just this incident." "Have you seen any signs that this may have been happening?" "Just that he was much more terrified. Anxious. I assumed it was first day jitters, or from moving to a new city." She writes it down. "Will you testify as a witness against Hiroto Awaji." "Absolutely." The woman shakes my hand. "Thank you Nicolette." I don't respond. She looks to me before talking to the family as a whole. "Nicolette, I'm really trying to get them to look into your case." "No you aren't. Or you'd report the chief. I'll believe you when I see him taken away in handcuffs, behind bars. And when I'm no longer beaten every single night that he's near me." She nods, and walks to see the family.

I stay outside the doorway and eavesdrop for a while. "So, Mrs. Awaji, what's your plan?" "I... I don't wanna be in this house anymore. Or for my kids to be here. And I'm divorcing that son of a bitch." "I can't do much about the divorce ma'am. But whats your plan for where you and your family will stay during the investigation? We will need to search the house for any evidence, which could be quite invasive." She takes her son and daughter's hands. "You two are gonna stay with Nicolette tonight. Okay?" They nod. Officer Ohno keeps her mouth shut. Good thing Demitri isn't home. "I'm gonna go find a shelter for me and your brother. For now. Can you two handle that?" Miyako nods. Genkaku is unresponsive. "Would that be okay officer. I just feel like he'd feel better with a friend. I... I can't see them right now." "Mom what are you saying?" Miyako asks, her voice shaking. "Miyako I can't even look at him without feeling guilty as all hell. I brought him here, I let Hiroto do this to him. And to you." The woman looks away. "I just can't handle it right now." Ohno nods. "Do any of you need a ride? I can call down a cab. You can't come with me, since I have your husband in the backseat." "Nicolette's house isn't far. We'll walk." Miyako says. "I know where there's a women's shelter. I can take the subway there." Mrs. Awaji almost cries. "Just go, okay kids. Get your stuff." She wraps her arms around them. "I love you, both of you. I'm so sorry." "Mom it's not your fault." Akira sniffles. "It's not yours either. It's that rat bastard I married." Her mother says, depression and guilt ringing through her voice.

Mrs. Awaji walks outside with a suitcase, and the baby in a car seat a few minutes after Ohno leaves. "I'm going to guess you heard all that?" She asks. I nod. "I'm so sorry to bring you into this Nicolette. And I should've asked before dumping my kids on you." "It is fine. I am happy to help." "Please tell me your parents aren't home." "My father is not. He's in the U.S and will be headed for the UK soon." "And your mother?" "She's in a grave in Moscow." Her eyes stun open before she regains her composure. The woman sets down the car seat and suitcase, sits on the porch, crying with her hand to her forehead. "I don't know. I... I haven't thought this through at all. I just..." She hesitates. "Don't tell them, but I think I'm gonna place them in state custody. I need to think about where I'm gonna go from here, and I can't do that with two traumatized teenagers." She sniffles loudly. "I can't see them again. I let them go through hell, and every time I see their faces, all I can think of is that I married a child molester." "Mrs. Awaji it's not your fault. You had no idea what was happening." "I don't care." She stands up, and picks up her child and suitcase. "I can never look those kids in the eyes again." She walks away to the subway station, wiping tears from her cheeks.

You can actually walk from Genkaku’s house to mine about fifteen minutes. Genkaku lives in a more natural part of town, so as you walk north you start to notice trees beginning to disappear, properties getting larger, and homes looking more like European and modern styled mansions than large, traditional Japanese houses. The ground flattens, there seems to be more snow. You can't see the city lights, but you are only an hour drive or so from downtown Tokyo. All you can see are enormous mansions and massive gates to guard them. 

Genkaku has kept a tight grip on my hand the whole time we've been walking. He’s not crying, but I can see he still looks so sad and scared, and he is still sniffling quite a bit. He simply stares at the ground. I don’t bother to make conversation. I can tell he is probably thinking, trying to piece together everything that has happened tonight.

We eventually arrive at my home. You have to use a keycard to get through the front gate on your own, or you can use a telecom outside to call someone. I know for a fact that when the keycard is used, a loud buzzer blares through the house, so hopefully Vadim is not sleeping. I doubt it, as it is only 8:00pm. It's a slight walk from the gate to the actual mansion.

I open the door to the entryway, and in our living room is Vadim, playing Elder Scrolls: Oblivion on the living room's PS3. He pauses his game as he hears the sound of two more footsteps enter the house. "Nicole, who is the girl?" He asks. "My friend Genkaku’s sister, Miyako. Can they please stay a few nights? Just until father gets back?" "Why?" I take him into the living room to explain what has happened. After hearing my explanation, he says he is fine with it, as long as they don't cause trouble, and they leave before Demitri is home next week. Today is January sixth. Father comes home on the fourteenth. He is traveling around the world now, to personally check up on his companies and corporate headquarters scattered around Russia, South Korea, The United States, Germany, England, France, Sweden, Switzerland, Nigeria, and Venezuela. He is likely also meeting with a few of his business partners and investors. I know for a fact that TZD is working on some large projects right now, which cannot be good for anyone. Well, aside from Dmitri and his co-owners. 

The second floor of the mansion has four large bedrooms, two of the larger ones for Vadim and me. The others are guest rooms. Dmitri and Vladimir's rooms are on the third floor. Those are the ones with ensuites and walk-in closets. All the rooms have balconies. Despite that Vladimir has moved out, he still has the second largest bedroom reserved for him. He has stayed here a few times. After all, he is the President of the board of directors for father's oil company in Russia, and is set to inherit a few of father's other companies. He lives all the way in Moscow, and comes over a few times a year. Genkaku’s room is next door to mine, and Miyako’s is across from his. Both rooms are painted eggshell white with with pretty blue accents, and are decorated with French furniture and paintings.

About an hour after I get home, I start some window shopping online. Chanel is definitely a favorite for clothes, makeup, and jewelry. Louis Vuitton is also pretty nice, but it feels like it's been counterfeited to the point where everyone's wearing it, especially the Damier pattern. Not a fan of Gucci myself, despite the fact that most of my friends are, at least the boys. Louboutin is my favorite for shoes and bags. I might look for a new Hermès bag if I really feel like splurging, but those are much more fun to buy in person. Around five minutes after I start looking around, I hear a faint knock on my door. I open it to see Genkaku in a black tee and sweatpants, tears flowing down his face. "Nicki can I just... Stay here... Just for a little bit?" He asks, his voice shaking. "Of course. What is wrong?" "I... Nic I'm so scared... I don't know why... I just... I don't wanna be alone." 

I open the door a bit more to let Genkaku in. He seems in awe, looking around. That, or wondering how on earth one room could have so much pink. He soon crawls into the left side of the bed, pulling the covers to his neck, and holding onto one of the throw pillows as tights as possible. I sit down at the side of the bed, close my laptop, and place it on my nightstand. "I can stay in the other room if you wanna sleep here." I say, trying to keep my voice down. "No! No... Please... Please stay with me Nic." 

I crawl in to the right side of the bed, and soon Genkaku abandons the pillow, wraps his arms around my waist, and rests his face in front of my collarbone. He sobs loudly, still a bit scared. I place one arm over his back, and use the other to pet his head. "Do you just want to stay here for the night, Genkaku?" He nods rapidly. It's likely that was all he wanted. He's scared right now, and he needs support. I think even more than he realizes. He testifies against Hiroto in just a few weeks, and his mom is putting him up for adoption. Perhaps it is for the best. The woman looked so guilty and traumatized, and likely could not care for her children, who were even more traumatized than she is. I do not know what her plan is for the baby. It seemed as though she had just given up. She was scared and depressed. I worry for her, but she is not the one who has been made the victim. Her children are the ones who have been put through hell.

———————-

I wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of loud winds. A blizzard. I open my phone to see that it’s 3:28am. Genkaku is fast asleep next to me. 

I have a few notifications. Mostly Snapchat, Instagram. A few texts. Only one matters.

Nara: Are you okay?  
Nicolette: I’m fine.  
Nara: Took you a while to text back. I’m just worried about you.  
Nicolette: you don’t have to be. If anything worry about Genkaku.  
Nara: why? did you beat him up? Lol  
Nicolette: no. I’m not sure I should tell you.  
Nara: Did he do something to you??  
Nicolette: no, something happened to him.  
Nara: You know I’m not a gossip Nicki.  
Nicolette: I guess you’ll see it in the news eventually.  
Nara: what?  
Nicolette: his stepdad, he was touching him and his older sister  
Nara: oh my god really??  
Nicolette: yes, really. We had to talk to the police. I walked in on it with him and his mom and sister  
Nara: that’s so messed up! Are you okay?  
Nicolette: ofc I’m okay, he’s not.  
Nara: that’s just completely fucked up  
Nicolette: you don’t have to tell me  
Nara: Well I hope he’s safe. Where is he?

It’s tough to lie to her, but I don’t really wanna let her know he’s in my bed. We didn’t sleep naked or anything. He just needed some comfort and stability. 

Nicolette: my house. He’s asleep.  
Nara: whys he there?  
Nicolette: favor to his mom. I’d rather he be here than like, at the station or alone in a hotel or something. He’s not very well mentally.  
Nara: Got it. So he’s not doing too bad now.  
Nicolette: I guess not. He managed to fall asleep.  
Nara: how about his sister.  
Nicolette: same thing. I actually don’t know if she’s asleep. Probably is.  
Nara: well why are you awake? It’s three in morning  
Nicolette: Storm woke me up. Hbu?  
Nara: pretty much the same thing, and I got kinda in the zone with painting  
Nicolette: Ooh can I see?

Nara sends me a photo of a sketch with a bit of paint, of two girls, holding hands as they walk through a city. Me and her. I think it’s from when we were walking around downtown last week, the day school got out for break. We did a bit of window shopping to get each other something for Christmas. I got her a massive supply kit for her paints, and a J’Adior choker. She got me a set of Clair D Lune earrings and a violin shoulder rest. 

Nara: its a work in progress  
Nicolette: I love it! It’s so gorgeous  
Nara: you’re much more gorgeous  
Nicolette: I love you  
Nara: I love you too my Czarina. Get some sleep.  
Nicolette: same goes for you.  
Nara: I know, I will. Goodnight  
Nicolette: good night <3

I shut of my phone, sitting at the edge of the bed. I guess I may as well check on Miyako.

The lights are on in Miyako’s guest bedroom. She has some music playing on her phone. I knock twice on her bedroom door. “Hello?” She asks. “It’s Nicolette,” I answer. “Oh. Come in I guess.”

I open the door to see Miyako laying on her bed with her arms crossed. “Can’t sleep?” I ask. She shakes her head. “Is Genkaku okay,” she asks quietly. “He’s fine. He’s asleep in my bed.” “Your bed?” “He asked me if he could stay with me.” “And you were okay with that?” I nod. “Huh. Kinda goes against your reputation huh?” “My reputation?” “You know, ice queen who hates everyone and only looks out for herself?” “How the fuck did that happen? Like, okay that’s got some truth to it, but how does anyone in dance think that?” Miyako shrugs. “Probably cause like, I mean you smile on stage, but never when you take your awards or anything else. You also kinda glare at people.” “So I’m competitive, big deal.” “It’s just rumors Nicolette. You seem nice. It’s probably also just cause of, y’know the whole Russian thing.” “Oh so it’s stereotypes.” “Hey you said it yourself there’s truth to it.” “Yeah but that’s just me, not cause I’m Russian.” “Also cause you’re like, super rich and popular.” “So are most of the rest of them.” “Not nearly at the level you’re at. You’re ‘daddy’s money’ times like, a hundred.”

I sit down next to Miyako at the edge of the bed. “What’s your plan?” I ask. “What?!” “Like, for moving on and stuff.” “Oh... I guess I don’t have one. I never really thought I’d get out.” “Well you are now.” “Is Genkaku okay?” “I already told you, yes.” “You’re really alright with him staying here.” “Till my dad gets back.” “He wouldn’t approve?” “No. No he wouldn’t. Not a chance.” “Hopefully my mom will be okay soon. We can go home. Or, I mean I don’t wanna be back there but...” “Miyako if I tell you something, you have to promise not to tell Genkaku.” “Yeah, sure.” “Your mom... she won’t be back. At least I don’t think so.” “Why not? Why would you think that?” “Because she told me. She’s thinking of releasing you two to the state.” “What?!” “She says she can’t handle it. She feels guilty for letting it happen.” “But it’s not her fault! I told her it’s not her fault!” “Of course it isn’t, but she doesn’t see it that way.”

Miyako slams her face to her hands. “Fuck! He lied to me!” “Who did?” “Genkaku, god dammit! He told me she could handle it!” “He doesn’t know everything Miyako.” “I trusted him! Why the fuck did I trust him?!” “Miyako, he never even said anything. We walked in on it.” “God, he lied to me!” “Maybe if she hadn’t seen it, she would’ve been okay. I’m sorry Miya-“ “No you aren’t! You’re fine, your life is perfect and it always will be!” “Miyako, there’s a lot going on you don’t know about.” “Okay, look I’m sorry, I know your mom died, but you’re fine! I’m fucked, I’m completely fucked!” “I...” I don’t wanna talk about it. Not to her. I know my breaking point, and it’s near. 

“You still get to live in your perfect world!” Miyako screams. “Your dad will still be here to buy you everything you want! I can’t... I can’t be in a foster home or an orphanage! I was supposed to be okay! I was supposed to turn eighteen and move out with a degree from this fancy private school and go to any college I want! Now what am I supposed to do?! You have no idea what any of this is like, so just shut up!”

I stand up and walk out the door without a word. My brother meets me in the hall. “Nicolette, I heard shouting. Are you okay?” I shake my head. “What happened?” I shake my head again. I can’t speak. The words are in my head but I can’t open my mouth. “Talk to me please Nicki.” I bring my hands to my temples, shaking my head.

“How about you go back to bed?” I slowly nod. My brother walks me back to my room. Vadim opens the door, and I walk back to my bed. I lay down on Genkaku’s chest, and wrap an arm around his waist. Genkaku startles awake. “Wha- hey Nicki, you okay?” I shake my head no, screwing my eyes shut. “She gets like this sometimes. I don’t know what triggered it,” Vadim answers for me. “Gets like what?” “Just kinda stops talking. I don’t get it.” “Like she won’t talk?” “Yeah pretty much. Usually takes her awhile to come out of it. Just let her sleep I guess.” “What time is it?” “Almost four in the morning.” “What’s all that noise?” “Blizzard. I sleep through them easily. Your sister woke me up.” “Why?” “She was screaming about something at Nicolette. Probably what made Nicolette stop talking.” “What? She shouldn’t do that.” “Just... if you’re gonna worry about it wait till morning. She’s in a bad place right now. Just let her ride it out.” “Okay.”

Vadim shuts off the light and closes the door. Genkaku once again wraps his arms around me, nuzzling into my head. “Just get some sleep. We can talk about it in the morning,” he speaks softly. “Okay,” I barely whisper. “Oh! You’re talking to me! Do you want to now?” I shake my head. “Okay, morning it is. Sleep well Nicki.” I nod my head, ready to doze off to the sound of Genkaku’s beating heart.


	11. Reveal

Genkaku  
January 7th, 2014, 10:46am

My eyes slowly open to the quiet sound of pop music. I sit up to see Nicolette has left the bed. The door to her closet is open. I walk in and see her sitting by a large vanity desk, putting on her mascara. She’s already dressed in a light pink dress and white kitten heels. "Good morning." Nicolette says flatly. "Nicole it's a school day. You... We can't skip." Nicolette laughs a bit. "Look outside the window, and tell me if you think we can go to school." I stand up, and walk over to the balcony at the end of her room. Opening the curtains, I can see snow falling fast and heavy. "It's a total blizzard. School is cancelled,” Nicolette states casually. "That, and you wouldn't have gone anyway. Tokyo PD probably already called TAP." Nicolette finally stands up, walks to the white couch at the end up her bed, and sits down. "I probably would've skipped anyway. Two weeks of lunch detention is nothing I can't handle."

It suddenly comes back to me as to why I'm here, and the intense feeling shame and depression all flood back. My mom left. I'll have a court date soon. I walk back to the couch, as Nicolette pulls out her iPhone. I lay my head on her lap, and watch the snow fall outside. "You want something to eat?" She asks. I nod a bit. Nicolette stands up after I do, and smooths out the skirt of her dress.

There's a large kitchen down the grand staircase and down the hall. "Anything you got in mind?" Nicolette asks. She's trying to be nice. I can hear it in her voice. Which is a bit odd for her. "Um... Just cereal is okay." I answer. Nicolette laughs slightly. "I'm guessing you don't have cereal?" "No, we don't. I can make blintzes. Anything you want in them?" "I don't know what that is, I'll just have what you're having." She nods, getting a few things out of the cupboard. "Anything you can't have? Allergies, stuff you hate?" "I can't have meat or strawberries." Another nod, as she starts mixing some kind of batter. "Can't?" She asks. She's definitely trying to keep a conversation. "I'm allergic to strawberries. And I'm a vegetarian." Her eyes go wide as she drops in egg into the bowl. "You can have eggs and milk right?" "Yes. Just no meat." "Ah, I see." Nicolette nods, and continues putting in ingredients.

Vadim soon enters the room, a phone in his hand. "Tokyo PD called about an hour ago." He mentions. "You, Genkaku, and Miyako are going to talk to them at the station tomorrow. She said to be there at ten o'clock." Nicolette nods, turning on the stove. "What are you making?" Vadim asks. "Blintzes." "Ooh! Can I have one with ground beef?" "No. I am not making anything extra. Just have some cream cheese or jelly." Vadim grumbles something in Russian, and takes the chair next to mine. "Don't sit down yet," Nicolette says. "Go get Miyako. She's in the room next to yours." Nicolette’s brother sighs as he stands right back up. He walks out of the kitchen, and up the grand staircase to the second floor.

Nicolette puts a blintz on my plate, scoops on some blueberry jelly, and folds it up. Then she does the same to a second one, and sits down next to me. Before eating, Nicolette closes her eyes, and presses her hands together, praying. I wait before she finishes to ask, "You're religious?" "Russian Orthodox. It's how I was raised." She sets the food and some silverware in front of me. "I don't believe in it that much, and I normally only pray when my family is here, but I am worried about you. My aunt always thought it would help. May as well take a page from her book." "Oh." She nods with her lips pursed, and begins to eat as I do the same. 

"So, what's the deal with you and that cop?" I ask. "Or, I guess the police in general." Nicolette sighs, and sets down her silverware for a few seconds. "Don't worry about it. You have bigger issues to deal with." "Did she arrest you or something?" "No, Genkaku. It has more to do with the police in general." "Weren't you going to tell me what happened to your arm?" "I was, but you do not need any more to worry about. Besides, nothing you can do." "I'm just worried about you Nicole." "Why?" "W-Why?! Because you're my friend. And you worry about me." "That was because there is something I can do. Well, to a certain extent. If there was something you could do about this, I would've done it years ago." "I just wanna know what's going on?" Nicole groans in annoyance "Proklyat'ye, and I thought Naomi was nosy. Do you really want to know what's going on Genkaku?" "Yes I do!" "Fine. Just don't make a big deal of it."

Nicolette pulls up her sleeves and unrolls her bandages, to reveal her arm covered in scratches and bruises. The bruises mean she definitely doesn't do it to herself. "What... who..." I can't finish my sentence before Nicolette cuts me off. "Dmitri Vedmid." "Isn't he...?" "Yes he's my father. Been going on since I moved here." "... Why?" "Why?! He thinks I killed my mother that's why!" "But... you were a baby. What happened wasn't..." "Yeah, Yeah wasn't my fault. Like he cares. All he knows is his wife is dead so he needs someone to beat around and act as a house wife. Yeah, he did the same shit to my mom. No wonder I was premature. Hell it's a wonder I wasn't a stillborn." "Can't you tell the police?" "God you're stupid, no I can't tell the police! Why do you think I'm mad at them?! I tried that! He bribes them pretty well. Didn't even care when I ran away. All but ignored me when I swallowed a bottle of pills." 

It breaks my heart to hear that people who are supposed to protect others are willing to just accept some money, instead of saving a little girl. Honestly, it's really, just disgusting. The girl has tried so many times to get attention, to get away. For fuck's sake, she tried to kill herself! And city officials, government agents are just letting her die. Not to mention... I think he's starving her. I haven't noticed till now, but she's so, so thin. It can't be genetics. I've seen her brothers, her father, her mom. They all seem healthy. She shouldn't be as bone thin as she is. I can clearly see her collarbones, her ribcage. Her hands and arms are so small. Her father is slowly killing her. And no one will do anything. The police aren't the ones beating her, but they're letting it happen. And social services isn't shoving those pills down her throat, but they may as well be. It's likely that for the rest of her life, the poor girl is gonna have a fear of the people who's job is to protect her.

Vadim soon enters the room. I think he's been listening for a while. Sometimes I forget that other people know, and that those people are way closer to her. That when she ran away, both those times he was likely looking for her. That when she swallowed those pills, he likely rode in the ambulance with her. He's seen his sister suffer for years at the hands of a man that he may have even looked up to at one point. "Hey Nicolette," he says in calm, caring voice. "Miyako just wants to stay in her room. Says she's okay. And uh, I can just make myself a sandwich or something" The girl nods, keeping her head to my chest. "And um, Genkaku, when you're done, can I maybe talk to you?" He asks. I nod, before he walks out to the living room.

After a while, Nicolette and I finish breakfast, and she goes to her room to, I guess do some more shopping. I go over to the living room to talk to Vadim, who is still playing Elder Scrolls. He looks pretty high level. Probably been playing a bit longer. But he pauses the game when he hears me enter the room. "Hey, so Vadim, what did you need to talk about?" I ask him. He shuts off the tv, and motions me to sit next to him. "How have you been feeling Genkaku?" "Better... I guess. Last night just felt more real. But, he won't hurt me again. And I think Nicolette has much bigger problems." He nods. I guess he agrees. "Nicolette is who I needed to talk with you about." 

Vadim tells me about the first time she tried to run away. March 17th, 2011. She was only twelve. Packed up some cheaper clothes, stole some money, and started heading downtown. Ohno found her in a rough part of the city. Apparently she had Googled a shelter for teens in Tokyo. Her father found her search history, and the one she clicked on was downtown, right in the one of the worst parts of Tokyo. But it was the one farthest away. Ohno questioned her, and created a good case. But her superiors shut it down. Nicolette's leg was broken, and she was told about what Demitri had done. 

The next time, she was a little smarter, but not enough. Left May 22nd, 2012. She erased her history before leaving, and went towards the mountains. She also packed lighter. Her plan was to head for Yamanashi. She tried to camp out in the mountains. Vadim says he is not sure whether it was good or bad, but she found two men there. One lived in the mountains. Abandoned at birth. The other was only a teenager. Vadim says it used to be kind of an urban legend. That the reason you couldn't go near the mountains was because he'd eat you or something. But lucky for Nicole, she brought a gun. He said he didn't even know if that one worked. It was an old family heirloom. Nearly shot him, but was stopped by the other guy there. A fifteen year old. Didn't live there, but was friends with the one who did. Came around every now and then. Spent the night with Nic, to hear her out, but decided she'd be better off at home, so he called the cops. Vadim apparently now talks with him on the phone every once and a while. When he asked about why he sent her home, instead of letting her get to Yamanashi, he said that he believed that one day, she would have justice. And that would be better for everyone. I think he was wrong, but who knows. I can't tell the future. Then again, I doubt he can either.

Vadim sighs, and pauses a few moments before telling me the last story. The day after dance district championships, February 17, she grabbed all of Demitri's sleeping pills, and swallowed every one of them. There were only nine left in the bottle. Vladimir luckily heard her collapse, and against his father's wishes, he called an ambulance. Her stomach was pumped just in time. Social Services should have been there, in the room. But she was let go after two days, when the hospital said she was all better. He says how grateful he was when her whole dance team visited. And he thanks God everyday for the fact that she lived. He tells me he later learned that their father told the hospital she took them on accident. That she has short term memory loss and must've forgotten that she'd taken them. She has ADHD, and short term memory loss is believable to an extent when it comes to her.

I finally ask why Vadim has decided to tell me all of this, he comes right out and says it. "Do you like my sister Genkaku?" "How so?" "Romantically." Right to the point. "I... I don't know. But you didn't answer my question. Why did you tell me about this?" "I think you're a good person Genkaku. Who would care for her. I think you should know all about what has happened. I think she trusts you. And I trust you." Vadim smiles. "And yes, I know she's bisexual, and about the girlfriend. But, I think her being involved with Nara puts her in even more danger. If my father found out..." I shake my head. "I don't know Vadim. I.... I think she needs someone a little less broken. Someone who isn't going to cry when it's her who needs to." "No, no, no. Nicole needs someone like her! Someone who can relate to the hell she's seen. Someone who understands, who won't leave her due to the problems she has. Someone she trusts." He sighs. "Genkaku, my father is trying to marry off my sister, to any man who will pay for her. You have money. You... Actually still haven't told me. Genkaku, do you love her?" I think about his question for a few seconds. Nicolette is gorgeous. Silvery blonde hair, a cute little button nose, eyes like blue diamonds, soft, perfect skin. And I'll admit, I do like shorter girls. Taller guys are a personal favorite, but they're hard to find. She's an artist, a talented one at that. She understands me, she comforts me. But do I love her? Honestly love her? I'm only goin' on fourteen. I don't know a thing about actual love. I had one girlfriend, who would rather smoke pot than hear the songs I wrote for her. I had a boyfriend, who left me as soon as it became inconvenient.

But I know I didn't love them. I know that much at least. I could tell that girl was a junkie from the start, and I only liked her cause she liked my kinda music and would smoke with me. I only liked my boyfriend because he was in a band with me, and cause he was kinda weird and edgy like me. But I sure as hell didn't love 'em, I don't think they even liked me. I was just someone to take advantage of. But Nicole would never try to hurt me. I can tell. For fuck's sake, the girl took me in, let me sleep in her bed, cuddled with me, cooked for me. And yeah, she can be kinda cold, even downright cruel. But all she's done is help me. And I wanna help her. The iciness is likely a defense mechanism. And when I'm with her, I don't feel like we're just friends. I feel like she's someone who I not only trust with all my heart, but I wanna constantly be around her. I could never be tired of her accent, or watching her dance. I think she's one of the most stunning people I've ever seen. I wanna be with her my whole life, I... I just know that I love her. 

"No." I lie. "She's... So beautiful, but... I think you have the wrong idea. I trust her, and I think she trusts me. But I don't love her." A sad look spreads on Vadim's face. "I see. My apologies, I... May have seen something that was... Simply friendship." "I mean... I like guys so..." That's not a lie. I do. I just also like girls. So, I guess it's half the truth. But it is true. "Oh, of course. I'm sorry." He says. "Does she know?" I nod. Vadim stands up. "I really am sorry, I... Got my hopes up, y'know. I just want the best for my little sister."

I know exactly why I didn't tell Vadim the truth, and it was really, really selfish. I cannot handle a relationship. Not now. And if Nicolette doesn't like me, not only will it hurt like all hell, but it'll ruin what we have. She won't be there anymore to comfort me. She won't hold me, and let me stay here. I'd be alone. Family is great but, not this one. I share a lot of interests with Miyako. We have same taste in clothes, music, art. But I don't trust her to help me. She has the same problems, with the same people. She's quick to anger, and does too many stupid things that I know she'll regret.

While walking back to my room, I hear a faint thud from my sister's room. The door is locked. I knock a few times, but she doesn't respond. She doesn't open it. So, I go to the room next door. She might be on the balcony. Maybe she doesn't hear me.

I open the door to see a room painted blue and black, with gaming systems and posters. This is probably Vadim's room. But I could care less. I turn the handle to the porch, but she's not on it. On my way back in though, I notice the small amount of purple in the snow. And I look down, to see my sister laying on the ground, three stories below my feet.


	12. 119

Nicolette  
January 7th, 2014, 11:17am

Just as I get the Dior site loaded up, I hear a loud, frantic pounding on my door. When I open it, Genkaku is standing outside, crying and hyperventilating. "Nic... Nic call an ambulance... Or the cops... I don't know..." His breathe is shallow and panicked "Genkaku, what's wrong? What happened?" "I went on to the balcony in Vadim's room to look for Miyako and...” I pass Genkaku to look over the balcony in my brother's room. The blizzard has died down some, but it's still snowing lightly. And just over the balcony, I can clearly see Miyako, covered in snow. She jumped off.

"Vadim! Call 119!" I yell downstairs. "What, why?" "Miyako... I think she jumped off the balcony!" He runs over to the end of the stairs. "Don't come up here, just call them! On speakerphone!" He's scared. I can tell. 

Vadim dials the phone, and once the operator picks up, he puts it to speakerphone. "119, what's your emergency?" "I... I don't know. I think my sister would explain better... Can I just give her the phone?" "If you think it would be for the best." Vadim runs up the stairs, and hands me his phone. "Am I speaking with the caller's sister?" "Yes. My name is Nicolette. My friend's step-sister, I think she just jumped off the balcony on the third floor. I... I think she's dead." "Stay with me Nicolette. Can you check her pulse?" I run outside to the side of the yard. It looks like she fell through some of the branches of one of our fir trees. I roll up her left sleeve, and count to see if I can get a pulse. "It's there, but it's weak. Oh god she's really cold." "What's your address Nicolette?" "2189, Northwest Kai Street. "Okay Nicolette, an ambulance is on their way. Is she breathing?" "Yes, her stomach is moving." "Can you stay with me till the ambulance gets here?" "Yes." "Do you know if she's on any medications, or she has any allergies?" "I don't know, but her step-brother might. But I don't think he could say. He's having a bit of a panic attack." "What's the girl's full name, I can try and contact her doctor." "Miyako Awaji." "How old is she?" "I think... About fifteen or sixteen." I suddenly hear a final gasp, and her stomach stops moving. "She stopped breathing!" "Do you know CPR?" "Yes!" "Does she still have a pulse?" I put my fingertips to her wrist again and... "No... No she's dead! Oh god she's dead!" "The ambulance is only a minute away. They might be able to resuscitate her." I can hear the ambulance. It's close. 

In a few seconds, my brother runs out, with Genkaku following behind. "Is Miyako alive?" Vadim asks. I simply shake my head. And then the paramedics rush in. "How is she?" One asks. "She... She was okay for a minute. But now... She's not breathing, no pulse." The other paramedic grabs a defibrillator. "Can you open her shirt?" I nod, undoing her sweater and pulling up her tank top. "Clear!" The electricity is on, and she jumps a little at the shock. Again, the paramedic tries, but still no pulse. "A-systole, she's gone." "I'm so sorry, all of you... But I don't think there's anything we can do." Genkaku crumbles down, bawling. "Do you know where her parents are?" The other asks. "Her dad is awaiting trial for sexual assault, her step-mom and baby brother are at a women's shelter, Shelter Asia in downtown Tokyo." The paramedic nods. "Where are your parents?" "My father is in The United States. My mother is dead." He looks at me in shock. "Are there any adults looking after you?" Vadim takes over. "Our older brother, he's twenty-six. He had to get a flight from Moscow. He should be here in an hour." "And how old are you?" "Eighteen in two weeks. My sister is almost fifteen." "Okay. We're gonna bring her to the morgue." The paramedic looks to Genkaku. "You're her stepbrother?" He nods through tears. "You wanna ride in the ambulance with her?" He shakes his head. "Okay. I get it." The paramedic pats the poor thing on the shoulder. "I am so, incredibly sorry for your loss. And I know sorry won't bring her back." The man puts a hand to his forehead. "God, if we had gotten here just a minute sooner..." "No, no!" My brother says. "The roads are awful. Had you tried to speed through, you likely would've never even got here. And you tried to bring her back. There was nothing any of us could've done." The paramedics nods, and goes to help his partner get her on the stretcher, then drives off to the morgue.

My brother eventually finds the key to her locked room. He opens it, to see the door still wide open, a bit of snow in the room. There's a note on her bed. Vadim picks it up and hands it to Azuma. After he's done reading it, he sits on her bed, still weeping. "Is it okay if we see it?" I ask him. He hands me the note, written on it her final words.

To whoever is reading this, I'm sorry you had to find out this way. Or maybe you looked out the window first. Either way, I'm so sorry. I just couldn't live like this. The shame, the nightmares. I was willing to put my brothers in danger, by never telling my mom. I should've told her the day she married him. The day I met her. I guess this is the final thing any of you will ever read or hear from me. So I should make something of it. 

To my mother, it wasn't your fault. I didn't tell you. You had no clue. Please, don't blame yourself. Stay strong now. For my brothers. Please come back. I hope you'll read this.

To my brother, Genkaku: I'm sorry I didn't get to know you for that long. You seem like an amazing person, filled with love and kindness. I know we seem alike, but please don't try to be me. You have a wonderful heart. Don't follow down my path. I want you to live. Go into the world, and show them what a great gift you are. I want you to be known. Make amazing, heartfelt music, be an activist, or an artist, work in a church or temple, just please, do something to help people to get through the harshness of life. It's the best advice I could give for such a fantastic human being like yourself.

To my brother Gin: I don't even know if you'll ever read this. If you do, you're probably at least ten years old. And you probably won't remember the sound of your big sister's voice. So, I guess the best advice I can give is life advice. Same as Azuma, don't be like me. Create your own path. I don't know what you're good at, but whatever it is, do that with your life. Be it arts, or athletics. Who knows, maybe you'll turn out to be a genius. But whatever it is, do that. Be what you love, and be happy. 

To Nicolette and Vadim: Thank you, both of you for your kindness. To me and my brother. Nicolette, I'm so sorry for what I said. I didn't know what was happening, and it even if I did, I shouldn't have said what I did. Vadim you seem like a kind, good person. Help your sister. Watch after her.

And that's all I have to say. To my Aunt Miko, keep doing what you're doing. I hope for your baby to grow up to be as wonderful as their mother, and to never have to meet your brother. I love all of you. Please, to those I wrote to, listen to what I said. I've wasted my life. Don't waste yours'.

-Miyako Awaji


	13. Decisions

Genkaku  
January 12th, 2014, 4:07pm 

My sister's funeral was two days ago, and my mother didn't show up. My pregnant aunt brought Gin over. Me, her, and the baby were the only family members there. Hiroto is serving a twenty year sentence for what he did. It was originally ten, but when it was revealed that my sister had taken her own life, I think the judges went a lot harsher on him. I think they put a manslaughter charge on top of it.

According to the police department, Aimi has gone missing. She left her baby on her sister in-law's doorstep. Miko is only twenty-four, sixteen years younger than her brother. And when she was younger, he did the same thing to her as he did to us. She's a nice woman. But she doesn't know at all where Aimi is. No one does. According to Shelter Asia, she never checked in. Or to any other shelter. No hotels either. She pretty much ran away. If she got a bus ticket, or checked in somewhere, she used a fake name. They’re going off that assumption for now.

Which, leaves me, I guess orphaned. Miko doesn't wanna take me in. She's going to have two infants to care for, and she's single. She's barely sure she can care for them, let alone a teenage boy who she's never met. I understand. I couldn't leave her with that burden. So, I'm in foster care for now. The Social Services agent says it's temporary. They want to see if they can get in contact with my father. But, he hasn't answered any emails or phone calls. I know damn well why he won't return his calls. Like he said, he won't raise a gay kid anymore.

I have a counselor now. A nice woman, just out of college. I think she knows what she's doing. She's trying to refer me to a religion. Any of them that might pique my interest. She says it has helped some of her other patients, especially ones with dead family members. Plus, researching all these different religions does keep me occupied.

Buddhism has really interested me so far. It's one of the few nicer ones. Others talk about how if you don't believe in it, you spend an eternity of suffering. It doesn't matter if you're a good person or not. Same with the good afterlives. You can still be a bad person, even a really truly horrible one, but if you believe, you don't have to repay for your crimes. And I personally don't think that's fair. But Buddhism tells of salvation for all. So long as you believe in, well something. It isn't pushing itself, and it seems like a good thing, and something to work for. I believe people are worthy of redemption. The Buddhist version of hell is not eternal. You spend a certain amount of time, and then you get a second chance, and more, and more. As many as you need. And once you've gained enough good karma, then you spend eternity in a heavenly state. It just seems so much better than the alternative. 

I've been looking into career options. Most of mine are really just pipe dreams. To be a musician, or an artist. I've considered being a Vet, but I looked more into it, and it's not just caring for sweet, cuddly animals. It can be surgery, and even killing an animal. As a vegetarian, as someone who believes life to be a special, sacred thing, I can't do that. Death is something I can't deal with. But my councilor is now pushing me to be a monk. A temple can serve as a safe place where I can recover from... Well, everything. Not to mention that I could help other while doing it. And I'm considering her option pretty seriously. So, I let her send in an application. If I don't get it, I'll just forget about it. I'll still have the religion, but I won't work as a monk. If I get it then I'll do it. No turning back.


	14. Last Competition

Nicolette  
January 18th, 2014, 8:14pm

"And, in first place for the Group category..." In the Air Tonight blares over the speakers, as the team and our fans cheer and scream. Nara hugs me, as a sense of relieve washes over me. I take our trophy from one of the judges, as our coach takes our medals. This is our last competition before sections. Sections determine regionals. Regionals determine Nationals, which thankfully aren't until March. 

Now for the moment where I start to shake. It's my last chance. My last regular season competition. I grip Nara's hand till my knuckles turn paper then they already are. "Now for the Solo category! In third place," the judge stops to press play on the music. Ghost by Katy Perry plays over the speakers, as a girl from En Dance Studio Shibuya Base Blossoms squeals, running up to take her medal. "In second place," Another One Bites the Dust plays as the girl Studio emotionS Starlight cheers with her team, before taking her medal. "And, in first place for our Solo competition," Stairway to Heaven plays, and I release my death grip on my girlfriend's hand. I hug her tightly before taking my gold medal.

Nara holds my hand all the way back to our dressing room. "Can you believe the regular season's almost over? And we've taken no less than second!" "I know! I can't wait till Nationals!" "Fingers crossed." "Ha! Like we'll need it. Z-RAHZ has always taken top three." "Think we'll get first?" "As long as we place at all I'm happy." "What about your father?" I ponder Zonja's question for a moment. "I'm sure he'd be glad if we made top three. Well, not glad. But at least satisfied with it." "Better work your ass off then blondie." Nara laughs, pushing a piece of my hair behind my ear.

Nara doesn't talk for a while, till we're on the coach bus back to ISOT. "Hey, about that red haired kid, why did he stop coming to school? Like I know what happened, but did he like, drop out?" Nara asks. "I'm surprised you remembered that." "Well you did cancel a date because you were worried about him. Shit couldn't have been that bad." "I mean... he didn't drop out. Not by choice. But... he's gonna be done with school this year." "Damn! What happened?" "I sigh, sinking into my bus seat. "You know that missing person report that went out a bit ago? Aimi Awaji?" "Yeah." "That's his mother." "She's missing?" I nod. "How?" "She pretty much ran away." "So what's gonna happen to Genkaku?" "He's in foster care. His sister... she killed her self. At my house." Nara's eyes go wide. "Wait... What was she doing at your house." "I kind of was at theirs when their dad was arrested. Their mom told the arresting officer that they could stay at my house, I didn't argue." "So... did you see her... dead?" "I saw her dying. Called an ambulance. They got there too late." "God, Nicole why didn't you tell me?" "I just... don't wanna depress you." "Nic, I love you. You can tell me this stuff." "I love you too. That's why I don't." "Do you not trust me?" "I do, a lot. More than anyone. But... I don't know. I make you have to worry about enough." Nara pulls me close, and softly kisses my cheek. "I'm here to worry about you my Czarina. That's what love is." "Worrying?" "Caring." "I love you." "I love you too, blondie."

My father has been treating me worse. I think it has to do with the anniversary of my mother's death. It's why my birthday is my least favorite day of the year. Always has been. My aunt would cry a lot on those days, and we'd go see her grave whenever February 14th rolled around. But luckily, February 14th this year is regionals. If we make it to regionals (and we will, trust me), this will be my second year on the championship floor. Z-RAHZ always takes first, so my birthday may be the best day of 2014 for me.

My father has also been talking more about my marriage. He wants me to have an arranged marriage. I never wanted to get married! My dream was to go on to dance professionally, just like my mother. Maybe I'd live with a boyfriend or girlfriend. But my say doesn't matter. Father has already been looking for matches, and I can promise you he'll try his best to find the son of a very rich man, who will abuse me the exact way he does.

I don't really how how to feel about Genkaku’s choices. I know he wants to recover, but I don't know if this is the way to do it. I read up on Buddhism, and I'm not sure if it or any religion is the way to go in recovery. For him to have to give up all attachments, it just doesn't feel like something that could help. He loves his music. He's genuinely passionate about it. I've only heard him play once, but he's just amazing. He's already had to give up on a lot, but to throw away his art and music and everything else that he loves doesn't sound like it will help. 

To give up on people and his emotions are a whole different thing. I think they'll give him time on this, but it doesn't sound like it's for him. Genkaku is a very emotional kid, and I worry for him. As for people, he's given up most, but out of sheer force. His mother abandoned him, and his sister is dead. I don't really know how he feels about me. But I couldn't give him up. I've only known him a few weeks, but he's really made an impression. He's one of the few people I've met who aren't incredibly mean or cold to me, and one of the only people who have been downright nice to me. And the more I dwell on this the more I worry if I've caught feelings for him. I felt this way when Nara bought me a bouquet of chamomiles and pink roses at a my first soloist performance. The thought that I may feel that way about someone else makes me feel awful. Scared, ashamed, guilty. I'm already so in love with Nara. And I don't want to feel that way for anyone but her.

I hope more than anything, that the next time I see Genkaku, I will feel nothing. I need to let whatever care or feeling for him drift away. Hopefully, as he recovers, I won't have to care for him anymore. Maybe he sees me as a therapist or a friend. Hopefully I am mistaking feeling needed for love. I've never had that problem, but this is only the second time I've thought I felt anything remotely close to love for another person. I'm not sure how he feels. 

Genkaku wanted to stay with me when he was over at the mansion, but that was most likely out of fear and a need for comfort. He might just be comfortable enough around me. That, or Russian people are just weird, and people from Japan are more willing to find comfort in people. That or it's just him. Most countries find Russians very stoic and cold. Which, in my case, is mostly true. Maybe not for other Russians, but at least for me. Which is odd, since my aunt was a very sweet and loving person. I was raised to be French. But I've never really identified with France. I speak the language of course, and most people notice my French features over my Slavic ones. But Moscow was were I grew up. I had never been to France before moving to Tokyo.

I suppose I am getting off topic though. But the next time I see Genkaku, I'm sure it will be different. He'll probably be a lot happier, and he won't need me as much. And sadly, he'll soon let go, and I'll have to as well. I don't need him. He was the one who needed saving, not me. I have Nara, and I couldn't be happier than I am when I'm with her.


	15. Scratch

Genkaku  
February 9th, 2014, 1:12 pm

My counselor called me two weeks ago. I've been accepted into the temple! And I'm really glad I chose to train here. It seems almost too good to be true. It's beautiful here. The other monks seem really nice. It no longer feels like I'm in a huge city. Technically I am. But you can't really see the skyscrapers and lights. It's genuinely perfect.

Nicolette is allowed to visit me, but under certain conditions. She has to wait till we're done with our work and studies, which isn't until after practice gets out anyway. And she has to wear something appropriate for temple. She says she can come over on Wednesdays, Mondays, and weekends. I'm apparently the only one with friends allowed over, due to the fact that I'm trying to recover. But I only have one friend, and I don't have any family anymore.

The head priest of the temple says that he really thinks I can do a lot of good here. I think he sees something in me that I really don't. I've started speaking a bit softer I guess, and he interprets that to be that I'm a calm, quiet person. And that might be true. I've changed a lot over the past few weeks. 

I've been a lot less concerned with myself, and more with others. I want to help people find salvation from suffering. And I really want to help Nicolette. I think things are getting worse. Her father is taking more about marriage, especially since she'll be sixteen next year.

I really do think this is the best road to recovery. And I really hope I'm right. Nicolette says that if a place seems like paradise, it'll be the opposite, but I think that's just her being naturally distrusting. There is no where I'd rather be than right here. And I'm going to make the most of this opportunity. I really do want to help people, and hopefully I will. 

Most of the snow in Tokyo is gone now. And in the short time I've been here, I've learned so much, and have already done a lot to help others! I found a small, very injured cat who I decided to name Scratch. I think a tree fell on top of her. Her legs are broken, and so is her tail. She bit me when I first tried to pick her up, but I think she was just scared. She's very nice now. I haven't had a cat for a while, and I really missed it. Nicolette helps me care for her sometimes. Apparently she knows how to do stitches. She said she learned when she was ten, in case any of her aunt's surgery sutures came lose. I probably would've cried if I had to stick a needle into Scratch, so I was lucky Nicolette was here. She also knows how to properly bandage wounds, another great piece of knowledge.

Nicolette is going to regionals soon, so I'll have to care for Scratch on my own. She seems so happy about it. It's nice to actually see her smile. She's usually so stoic. But she really thinks Z-RAHZ could be regional champions, and honestly they probably will be. I don't much care about competitive dance, but Nicolette is my friend. So I'm happy for her.

I was hoping I would make more friends here, but so far I haven't. Somehow I've made some enemies. But I wouldn't really say that. Enemies both harbor hatred for each other. I don't hate anyone, especially not them. I don't know why they're so mean to me. Normally I can handle it. I got picked on a lot at school. But it just makes me kinda sad to go somewhere where I assume I won't be harmed, and to have that not be true.

Not to mention, it doesn't just feel like they're just picking on me. It feels worse. Yes they beat me up, and call me names, but they take my clothes, touch me in discomforting ways, and stare at me constantly. It just doesn't feel right. Maybe I'm just paranoid. I felt like this when I first met Hiroto. I just need to be a bit cautious. I'm overreacting, surely.

My thoughts are interrupted by a thick, Russian accent. "Genkaku!" Nicolette is finally here! “How’s Scratch?" She asks. I take her hand and bring her to the tree where I keep the small cat. Nicolette gushes at her, and brings her hand down to pet the cat. 

"She's getting so much better. Hopefully she'll recover soon." I nod. "And you too," she adds. I sit next to her and the cat and cross my legs. "Actually, I feel really great. I haven't had as many nightmares, and my studies and Scratch really keep my mind off of everything." Nicolette nods, and softly kisses the purring cat. 

Nakamura peeks his head around the tree. He's one of the nicer kids here. He's only ten, but he's been here all his life. "Genkaku, who's the Russian girl? And why do you get to have girls over?" "Nakamura, I already told you why. And this is Nicolette." She keeps petting the cat, making baby noises to her. "Nicole, say hi." Nicolette keeps her eyes to the cat "Hi."

"You don't shave your head either. Hey Russian girl, why does he get so many special privileges?" Nicolette peeks her head up a few seconds, shrugs and goes back to hugging Scratch. "Well, okay then. Bye Genkaku! Bye Russian girl!" 

Nicolette looks back to me. "Are you guys, like not allowed to say girls names or something?" “We are, but your name is kinda hard to pronounce. Why won't you look at him for long?" "He's not a cat." "You'll look at me." "You remind me of a cat. You have those deep eyes."

I take Scratch from Nicolette and rest my head on her thighs. "Hey you took my cat! And are you allowed to do that?" "The cat is a free creature. She's not yours or mine. And I am allowed to, I just can't see you undressed or sleep with you." Nicolette pets my head, since she no longer gets to pet Scratch.

Eventually Nic needs to go home, and Scratch and I need to sleep. I wish I could've just slept on her legs. Despite that she's so bony, her thighs are still very comfy. And the sound her breathing is kinda soothing. Maybe I got used to it. She let me sleep on her chest when I stayed at her house. So now hearing a heartbeat and breathing kinda tires me. So tonight I'll cuddle up to Scratch.

I don't think Nicolette is someone I'll be able to let go of. I've known for a while how I felt about her. If Nara hadn't interrupted me, I probably would've said right then and there that I wanted her. I know now that I can't have her romantically, but as long as we can be friends, that's all that matters. In my mind, I can at least pretend we're together. I still can hold her and cuddle her. I just have to accept that to her, we're just friends. It's the truth. As much as I want something more. She's beautiful, she's kind to me, and she's so talented. She's everything I've ever wanted, but I'll never get to have her. And maybe that's okay.


	16. Dreaming

Nicolette  
February 9th, 2014, 1:57pm

I should no longer see Genkaku. I thought, I hoped it wasn't true. God, I hate myself! I never saw myself falling for a boy. I know I'm bisexual, but despite attraction, I've never wanted to be with a boy romantically. It just never interested me. But Genkaku is so sweet to me and to animals and other people. I swear it's like he's trying to entice me. Cuddling with me, hugging me whenever I see him. If it was anyone else, I'd say he was either a creep, or that he liked me. 

In a few days, I'll be on the championship floor. My dream! Everything I've ever wanted. My goal back when I was a first joined Z-RAHZ was to be a soloist. My second, and current dream, is to win championships. To have a champion medal in my room, to wear one. I know it's not about the medal. It's what it symbolizes. Years of hard work, and a brighter future ahead. I'm going to work my ass off this week, I need this desperately. If I get this, it's a pathway to a full university scholarship. Then I can leave home. I can dance professionally. I'd be free if I can just make this goal. Sections is halfway there. 

For once my father is planning a birthday party for me. Well, not really for me. I know he has ulterior motives. For one thing, it makes him look good. And, he wants to find me a husband. He invites plenty of other corrupt rich people with sons around my age, they make a deal, dad gets some extra pocket money and maybe a new car, and I spend the rest of my life as an abused housewife whose only job is to make babies, raise those babies, and look pretty. Pretty much my life here, but with the added horror of bringing children into it.

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate kids. I've never really felt I've wanted one, but I'm not staunchly opposed to it. Not to mention that any children I have with any man my father picks for me will be born to an abusive household, to a father who would mainly have them for carrying on his fortune, and a mother who was forced to have them. Close to my mother's situation. But my brothers say she loved them. That she wanted children. Maybe they lied, or she did. Who knows with how fucked up my family is.

The saddest part of my mother's story was that she was forced to let her dream die. Marrying my father was her own choice, it wasn't forced. She married Demitri believing she would still be able to dance and live her own life to the fullest, but soon learned he had other plans. She died to have me. She died to give up her dream and to be abused by a man she thought loved her. 

Aunt Simone used to show me photos of my mother. She looked so similar to me. Other than how much taller she was and her eyes, my aunt said we could've been twins. She has the same small beauty mark under her right eye. My aunt told me that she dated a few women over her life, as well as a few men. Her life and mine are so similar. And it's all because of Demitri Vedmid. But I want to make one clear difference. I want to be happy. To have my dream, to marry who I love, to dance professionally, to make my own choices and be happy with them. I will make it my life goal to just have that, like almost everyone else I've ever met. I'll never be her. I can never be her!


	17. Aftermath

Genkaku  
February 12, 2014, 5:33pm

My rib cage is definitely broken. As much as I've tried to deny it, to stand up, get dressed, and walk out of here like nothing is wrong, every time I try, I fall right back down and start crying again from the pain. It hurts to breathe, but if I stop breathing I'll die, and I'm not sure if I want that.

Maybe it's better than to tell the next person who comes in here why I'm naked and covered in my own blood. And if it's them, then I'll probably just be raped again. Or they'll kill me. To keep me silent.

I don't know what time it is, but I can see the sun has began to set. The last time I checked the time was, I don't know, four hours ago at, I think one o'clock. Nicolette will probably be here soon. She'll either assume I'm not here, or she'll look for me and never find me. If she leaves then no one might find me till tomorrow. But I'll probably bleed out by tomorrow. But I can't yell for help, or they might decide to rape me again.

All I want is to just roll over and cry, but it would stunt my breathing patterns, which'll hurt worse. I want to be able to find the strength to at least get my clothes on. They're far out of arm's reach. And I barely have any strength. I feel like I'm going to pass out, but I might die.

I can finally hear Nicolette calling out my name. I hear her soft, small footsteps walk towards the door of the small room. I don't want to look at her. I couldn't bear to see her cry. I can hear her gag. "Genkaku... your... your chest."

The last thing I remember is glancing down at my chest, before fainting.

I wake up in a white room. Assumed for around five seconds I had died. That I'd been born again, but I realize then that I probably wouldn't remember my past life, and feeling bandages wrapped around my head and chest, confirming that I am very much alive.

A nurse in a with black hair and pink dress soon steps into the room, along with a girl with white curly hair and dark skin. She looks younger than me. "Good morning..." She flips to a page on her clipboard. "Azuma. Are you feeling any better?" The black haired woman asks. I nod. "Okay. This is Miss. Karako Koshio. She's shadowing me today. Is that alright." I nod again. "Do you remember what happened to you?" "I... No." I lie. The nurse them flips to another page on her clipboard.

"I'm gonna ask you a few questions okay. Answer them to the best of your ability." She looks down to the paper. "What is your full name?" "Genkaku Azuma." "Okay. Do you know where you were born?" "A hospital in Eastern Tokyo." "Okay and do you remember the day you were born?" "March 24th, 2000." She puts away the clipboard.

"Okay. So, you have five broken ribs, and your shoulder was dislocated. You've been in a medically induced coma for eight days. We performed surgery on your ribcage. When you passed out it was February 12th. Today is February 20th." The woman looks over a few more documents. "Two people brought you here. Daichi Suzuki and Nic... I'm sorry I cannot pronounce that." Karako tugs her shirt. "Her name is Nicolette. She's in room 306. Her brother broke his arm." The nurse smiles. "Very good. But you don't have to memorize it." "I didn't. I was talking to her about both of their conditions. She said she found him bleeding, unresponsive, and unclothed." The nurse held shock on her face for a moment, then looks back to me.

"Do you... live anywhere?" I think the nurse assumes I'm homeless. "He was training at the Buddhist temple where the girl found him." I hate to say it, but Karako is much smarter and nicer than the nurse who is trained to be that way. "He might have been mugged, raped, or molested." I can't tell this woman that that's exactly what happened. I don't want them to go to prison. I want to help them.

The woman writes something on the clipboard, and rests a hand on my shoulder. "Genkaku, if that is what happened, you can tell me. I won't judge or blame you, no one here will. But by law, I will have to report the perpetrator to the police. "I don't remember who did it." Another lie. I can't stand having to do this. I cant stand saying anything. The woman shakes her head sadly, and begins to write down my medical status. "Hey, Genkaku, right?" Karako asks. I nod to her. "I can ask Nicolette to come over here. If you wanna see her." I nod. Karako walks out of the room to find Nicolette.


	18. Confide

Nicolette  
February 16th, 2014, 6:56pm

Hospitals are far too common a scene for me. I spent my first five months of life in one, and after had to spend months in hospitals to recover from transplants. I spent a day in a hospital with my tetya when she was shot. And once I was nine, when my tante's leukemia was finally caught on to, but it was far too late. When I made my attempt, I stayed in the hospital for two days. Normally there's a psych hold, but they hospital believed it to be an accident. The only treatment I got was to treat memory loss that I didn't really have. Well, maybe I do, but what happened was not a result of it.

Vadim fell down a flight of stairs at Regionals yesterday. He wasn't really paying attention, talking about how proud our mother would be, and how even our father was impressed. He missed two steps and fell. Father wanted to sue, but his lawyer advised against it, saying that since Vadim wasn't really paying attention, the stadium couldn't be held liable. 

We got first place, which means we move on to Nationals. I won first place in the Soloist category. There were a few scouts there for national teams. My father talked to a few. There's a summer program in Paris, another in Moscow. The national ballet of Japan did take a little interest, but I'd stick out way too much. They'd probably ask me to dye my hair, at the least to a darker shade of blonde. I'd rather not damage my hair though. It'd be hard enough for me to get into a French or Russian group, on account of my height. Really it's the only great hindrance of mine, which is completely unfair! I could be one of the greatest dancers in the country, and it would all be void by a factor that cannot possibly be worked towards.

As I'm staring at the two blue and gold ribbons still around my neck, a girl about my age wearing white clothes and a pink apron walks in. "Ms. Vedmid, could I talk to you?" She asks. I turn to Vadim, silently asking if it's okay. "Go ahead Nicole, I'm fine," he says cheerfully. 

I walk into the hallway with the girl. Her apron says that's she's in a Medical Shadow program. "Do you remember me Nicolette? I'm Karako. I was with the one of the nurses when your brother was getting a cast?" She asks. "I sort of do. Sorry, I am not good with remembering people," I respond. "You brought in Genkaku Azuma, right? He wants to see you." "He's awake?" "Yes, but he's still sort of in shock. He'll need to a few more days, and we'll probably have to call police and social services?" "I can understand police, but why involve Social Services?" "It's just due to how recently he was emancipated. They'll also have to investigate the temple." "Why?" "I cant tell you that, due to privacy laws." "You told me all this." "Yeah well that has nothing to do with medical stuff. All I can tell you is that they need to see if he or anyone else is being abused." "The priest there wouldn't. He brought him in to the hospital for god's sake!" "There are other monks there. Some are above the age of sixteen." "What happened to him?" "We have some ideas, but you'd have to ask him yourself." 

Genkaku is in his bed, reading a text book on Zen Buddhism. I knock twice on the wall. "You want me to come in?" I ask from the threshold. Azuma nods, setting the book on his nightstand. I pull up a chair to sit next to him. "How were regionals?" He immediately asks. His voice is raspy and tired. I hold up my gold medals for him to see. "We won! Nationals are March 14th through the 17th. Luckily they're in Tokyo, so we won't have to travel far." "Thats nice. Anything else happened?" "I got first place in the Solo category. A few dance schools in France and Russia emailed me. Said they'll be at Nationals to see if I'd be a good fit for any of their summer programs, which hopefully could lead to a career!" "Do you want that?" "Yes! It means a way out! I wouldn't have to get married, or depend on Demitri! I'd be safe!" Genkaku picks up the medal, smiling slightly and staring at the engraved details. "How'd Vadim break his arm?" He asks. "Fell down the stairs." "Seriously?" "Yes. My brother is way too easily distracted."

I take off my golden medals, and scoot my chair closer to Genkaku’s bed. "Genkaku, what happened to you?" He stays silent, looking away from me and crossing his arms. "I'm serious! What happened? Genkaku, there's going to be an investigation into the temple. Social services are involved in this." "I'm aware." "I'm not a cop Genkaku, you can tell me what happened?" "Why do you care?" "Because you're my friend. Because I want to help you." "What could you do? You can't even help yourself." "Yes but my problem is fixed shut. No investigation, no social services. Genkaku, Karako hinted that you were being abused." "It's nothing." "Your...!" I start yelling, soon remembering I'm in a hospital. "Your fucking ribs are broken! I found you bloody and naked. Genkaku, when you passed out I screamed because I thought you had died! That is not nothing!" My voice breaks a little. 

Genkaku rolls over to his non-injured side shaking slightly. "You won't tell the police?" "No. I don't speak to police, they won't do shit." "Social services?" "No." They'll figure out eventually. "Nicki I was... they... I..." He shakes his head. "Can I just write it down?" "Why?" "I really can't say it Nicki." I pull out my iPhone, opening the Notes app before handing Genkaku the device.

Genkaku takes a minute to type. He hands me back the phone before burying his face into his hand. There are only three words: I was raped. "By who?" I ask him. He shakes his head, refusing to answer. “The priest?" He frantically shakes his head. "Another monk?" He nods slightly, refusing to look up. "Just one?" He shakes his head again, struggling to squeak out, "three." He takes back the phone, typing again: They took turns. They said they'd kill Scratch. She's safe right? "Yes Genkaku, she's safe. Nakamura is taking care of her." "When did you last see her?" He whispers. "I saw her on Thursday. Nara came too and brought her some food, water, and a few toys and treats. She's liked those, but I think she misses you." 

Genkaku silently pulls me into a hug, weeping quietly. I stroke his hair as he cries. "It'll be okay, Genkaku. Why don't you wanna tell the police?" "I told you. They'll kill Scratch." "They can't kill her from jail, Genkaku. Don't you want justice?" "You said it yourself, nothing'll come of it. I wanna help them." "Help them?!" "I mean, usually bullies are dealing with something too. Maybe that's why-" "They aren't bullies, Genkaku. They're rapists!" "It's not like anything will come of it." "There's evidence, Genkaku. DNA, blood. Your ribs are broken! There is no possible way to spin that as consensual, especially due to the fact that you're underage!" "Please don't be mad at me... I just don't want to, okay? I can help them." "What if it happens again?! What if you die next time?!" 

Genkaku breaks away from me, burying his head into his knees. I sigh. Arguing with him won't do anything, neither will scaring him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just... I want you to be safe Genkaku. After all, you went to that temple to recover." "I know." "I just want to help you." "I can help myself." "No, Genkaku. You can't. You said there were three of them?" He nods. "I don't mean fight em off Nicki. Violence won't solve anything." "So what can you do?" "I don't know yet, but they're suffering." "So that means you have to? What, they have daddy issues or some shit so it makes it okay for them to... to do what they did to you." "I mean... it doesn't make it okay. They're just lashing out. I'm smaller and younger so I'm an easy target. Better me than someone even smaller and younger than I am." "It'd be better if it didn't happen to anyone in the first place." 

Genkaku lays back in his bed, yawning before pressing a hand to his rib cage, and groaning in pain. "Sorry. I'm tired. Breathing hurts." "Do you want to go to sleep?" He nods. I leave his room, shut off the lights, and leave the door open just a crack to let him sleep.


	19. Diagnoses

Genkaku  
April 2nd, 2014 3:09pm

Two days ago, I was once again admitted to the hospital. It happens a lot. A few weeks ago, my arm was broken. There have been a couple times when I needed stitches, or began to bleed out. This time had nothing to do with rape or broken bones. I had a panic attack. Well, something like that anyway. Had to be committed to the psych ward. The past two days they've been trying to get a diagnoses. I know I have anxiety and depression, but it's not that severe. And I was on my meds. So the psychologist trying to deal with me says it couldn't have been that. Plus, this definitely wasn't an anxiety attack. Full out panic.

I eventually had to tell her what was happening. And I know she's going to tell the priest. But... maybe I don't care anymore. I'm just so sick of this! I'm too scared to sleep most nights. Being alone makes me anxious. Getting undressed terrifies me. I just try to shower with my clothes on now. I'm in constant pain and fear and I can no longer live with it. Last week I... I was holding on to some pliers, trimming one of the trees in the yard... I just knew I could've ended all that fear and pain, right then and there. But I couldn't. I tried to end it all more than a few times. Every time I regretted it. And, if I die, how am I supposed to find true salvation for humanity?

The doctor says she does have a diagnoses, but her plan is to talk to the priest first, so I don't interfere. Technically I'm an emancipated minor, but I still need to have a medical contact. However, her doors are pretty thin, and she talks kinda loud, so of course I can hear her and the priest talking. 

"So, Mr. Sazuki, I've been analyzing Genkaku’s condition for a few days. It seems that the panic attack occurred during a manic episode. According to Miss... Ved meed ? No that can't be right." "Nicolette, the Russian girl." "Yes her! She says that he hasn't slept in days, and that's been characterized by some really impulsive decisions. She said he hit her a few days ago, when she said she was going to tell police about something I'll talk with you about in a minute. She also found some cuts on his wrist, and when she asked he just laughed about it. She said he cut off some of her hair too. When she asked why he said he thought it'd look nice on her. Clear signs of a manic episode. And you told me he's been depressed a few times over the month?" "Yes, sometimes it lasts a few hours, a day, a week. He wouldn't eat, and he often wouldn't get out of bed. When he did he seemed quite sad." "Yes, a depressive episode followed by a manic episode. Clear as day, Bipolar I." The conversation heeds a few seconds. "I'm prescribing Lithium, which will hopefully dull these episodes. It seems he was on Anxiolytic and antidepressants. I'm taking him off of those."

The doctor flips over to the next page. "Two years ago, it seems Genkaku was misdiagnosed with general anxiety disorder and bipolar depression. The depression is a symptom of the Bipolar I, but the anxiety is likely something else." "And that is?" "I've been talking to him, he says he hears things sometimes. Nothing bad, just nonsense. Hallucinated, again, just nonsense. Had some really messed up nightmares, and his behavior seems to suggest schizophrenia, likely the reason that he panicked." Again, a pause. "I don't know a lot about his life before, well December I suppose. When he's this young and when the time he's experienced hallucinations has been so short, I don't think it would be right to formally diagnose him. But, it's probably best to build a case for him."

The psychiatrist sighs sadly, before flipping to the next page. "You said Genkaku gets into fights every now and then?" "Yes, two, sometimes three times a week, he comes over to first aid with some new injury. He seems like such a sweet kid on the surface. I didn't expect that he could become violent. Is it perhaps a bipolar symptom?" "He is a wonderful kid, trust me. He isn't at all violent. And... there's no easy way to break this news, but he's not getting into fights. He's been raped. A lot. Probably every time he's had an injury or been to the hospital." "I know. By his stepfather, wasn't it?" "No, his stepfather was molesting him, but never raped him. He's being raped by a group of the other monks in training. Likely the ones he's claimed to be fighting with. He says it's been somewhere around eighteen times. He told me he stopped counting." "Oh..." He sounds so... disappointed. I'm not sure if that's the right word. Again, no one talks for a while. It was hard for me to say it, and it's likely quite hard to hear it. Especially that a group of people you thought you could trust could do something so incredibly evil. It was nearly impossible to even accept that fact. 

"Mr. Sazuki, it seems that Genkaku has RTS." I'm afraid I don't know what that is." "Rape Trauma Syndrome. He has of course discussed this on his own, but I was wondering if you had noticed any change in his behavior?" "When was the first time it happened?" "February 12th." "I didn't know him that long before. And, he was still pretty traumatized from the abuse from his stepfather and the loss of his sister, which may have masked how he acted before." It sounds as though she's scribbling something down. Taking notes, I guess. "According the Miss... I'm sorry I still can't pronounce that name. But, she says that before he seemed much more lighthearted, willing to tease and joke. Just, a typical teenager. He was dating, had friends, decent relationships with family. But after the trauma with his father, he seemed anxious, very shut off, quiet. And after a while seemed to be pretty angry, likely trying to contain how he felt about the attacks. He forgets things that he may have been told a few days ago, he's often distracted, anxious."

She flips to another page, likely on the same subject. "According to his patient file and the nurse caring for him, he was nauseous quite often, and pretty disoriented. He cried a lot in the hospital, sometimes in pain, sometimes due to how emotionally overwhelmed his was." "Is there medication?" "The only treatment is therapy. We are investigating what happened." "But, we know it happened, and we know who it is. Why investigate." "It's just what needs to be done. It might take a few days. We also have to look into animal abuse charges." "Animal abuse?" "Genkaku said they threatened to kill this cat he's been looking after, and it seems they broke another one of her legs."

The doctor then steps into my room, likely to give me the diagnoses. But I stop her before she does. "Bipolar I, RTS, you suspect I'm schizophrenic, and I don't have depression or anxiety." She nods. "I guess I need to learn to speak quieter." She says. The doctor scribbles something down on a notepad. "This is your prescription for lithium and anti-psychotics. You have therapy here every Monday and Friday. There's a free bus that can take you here." I nod, and take the note. "How long till I'm okay again?" She gives me a sad look. "While RTS tends to subside over years of treatment, it takes a long time to recover, especially for males, since they tend to be against seeking treatment in many cases. And, Genkaku, Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia can't be cured. They can be managed though, with the help of medication and therapy." "So, I have to deal with the mania, depression, the voices, hallucinations for the rest of my life?" "Well, I'm not sure about a Schizophrenia diagnoses yet. Hallucinations can also come with a lack of sleep. My main concern is that you're just... you're so young. Usually schizophrenia tends to manifest around sixteen or seventeen. You're only fourteen. I'm trying to gain access to your parents medical history, but with your mother missing, and your father not responding, it's been difficult." "Why would you need that?" "Children of schizophrenic people are extremely more likely to have it. I could see if any of your family members are schizophrenic." "But... I've never had it before. Not the hallucinations, the mania." "You've likely had the Bipolar disorder for a few years, judging by your medical history. It was just wrongly diagnosed. As for the schizophrenia well, it can also be triggered by a traumatic event. It's more likely for that to happen if one of your family members are schizophrenic. We really don't know. We'll build a case through you at therapy and psychologist visits."

The investigation will last for a few days. The doctor asked if I wanted to just stay in the hospital during, but I have to get back to the temple. Maybe, if I really rush I can figure out salvation before my rapists are arrested. I could help them. But I have to stay up, so I'm not taking the lithium till then. Says it can cause fatigue. I don't wanna risk it though. I don't think I'm having any kind of episode. I feel normal. So, I just have to pray for another manic episode, and keep Nicolette away for a while. I did hurt her, and I wasn't able to tell if she was scared or pissed. Probably the second. She's an angry person at times. But, keeping her away shouldn't be hard, at least tomorrow. I think she mentioned something happening today when she visited me, but I can't remember what it was. Something about her father's pharmaceutical company. She'll probably tell me. But for now, I have way too much to get done to really care


	20. The Great Tokyo Earthquake

Nicolette  
April 4th, 2014, 4:54pm

We have a tour today of the TZD labs. They're basically just showing off this new experiment, and want father to sign off on mass production, and for some reason he just had to bring his sons and daughter along with. But they're talking about tissue regeneration, which may be why he brought me with. It would mean he wouldn't have to pay another dime if I somehow need another organ transplant, should anything else fail.

The laboratory building is separate from the corporate buildings and hospitals. And it is my least favorite part of TZD. The hospitals aren't too bad, not as much corruption and greed. The corporate buildings basically only really commit fraud, which won't directly hurt anyone, just the government. But the labs are where all the drug exposure, animal testing, and unwilling human experimentation happens. I've met a couple of the scientists, and I must say that most come off as complete sociopaths.

We finally come to one of the observation windows, where the guide stops us. "Well, sir, what do you think?" She asks. "What am I supposed to be seeing? This is simply that... god what was her name?" "Does it matter?" "I suppose not." "You'll see."

Coming out of the girls hands and arms is... is that blood?! That isn't even possible! The child then destroys two objects thrown to her. She's in chains and heavy armor. But this doesn't seem to be the tissue regrowth experiment. Or is it? But this is wrong! I knew they were working with a child on something, I assumed mind experiments, something with chemicals. But how on Earth can my father, even as evil as he is, endorse something like this?!

"Father stop this!" I yell. He glares at me for a few seconds before responding. "Nicolette, come with me this instant!" He drags me off to the back yard of the building. "This is terrible! She's a child! This is your experiment? The subject you've been working with on tissue regeneration?" "What do you care Nicolette?" "I may not stand against you when you hurt me, but this is too much! What if she dies?" My father hits my neck, and for a few seconds I can't breathe. "Are you done with your little rebellion Nicolette? Besides, you have no right to speak out against this. You're a killer yourself!" Before he can take me back into the building, I hear one of the loudest sounds I've ever heard. An explosion. And then shaking. All I see is red.

By the time I open my eyes, it's twilight. I can't tell if it's evening or morning. I must've hit my head too hard and passed out. We're just outside the building. And just from here, I can really see all that has happened. TZD labs is completely destroyed. The city is in ruins. I hear the whirring of helicopter blades, police sirens, ambulances. And a heavily pained groan. My father's leg was caught under a nearby tree. It's likely come off. But he's unconscious.

I could end all of this here and now. The pain and torture he's caused. I'll be honest, it's likely that child is dead. But he allowed her to be hurt so much. He allowed all the trauma she likely endured. 

And he's probably suffering as well, not that it matters to me. I think he loved my mother, in his own fucked up way. He refused to even be in the same room with me when I was born, because in his mind, this tiny, premature infant killed his wife. No one loves him. Not anymore. The public might, but his children see him as a monster. In this world, he's alone. So... would anyone care? 

There's a fallen electrical wire nearby, and my hand is heavily bandaged. Wood is an insulator. Paper is an insulator. I'm careful when taking the wire, as to not get in on my skin or clothes. I use my left hand, as my right arm seems pretty broken. It hurts to move. I managed to make a make-shift sling with my jacket and a piece of my skirt. Carefully, I bring the wire to his head. Should I do this? If I do, no going back. 

I drop the wire on top of his head without even thinking about it, and watch him seize and convulse with the electricity. And I can't help but laugh, almost to the point of tears. I was so scared of this man, for so many years. I viewed him a monster, who controlled my whole life. And yet he lies before me now, dead. All due to a small wire, something I see everyday of my life and thought nothing of. Because of something I use everyday as just a daily part of life. Electricity! Something so simple. Not destructive, but dangerous. It creates, but it can take life like that in such an amusing way. Human life and the absence of it. Electricity can keep people alive, through machinery. But one thing goes wrong, or right in this case, and all of it ends. It's incredibly fascinating!

I can't help but think of Genkaku now. Last week, he slapped me pretty hard when I threatened to call the cops if he kept up the obsession of saving those who had harmed him. But maybe he was right. Demitri suffered. A lot. When you're rich, yes the stress of money may seem gone. But it develops into an obsession, with not only keeping that wealth but always wanting more. And though on the surface financial troubles are all but taken care of, the obsession hurts those around you, when you become more obsessed with money than with human life. And soon, no one loves you anymore. Not your wife or children. And you don't have people anymore. Not ones that you know. You'll have your rich friends, but they don't matter. They're not really your friends. They wouldn't truly mourn you if you died, or help you if you messed up in some way or managed to become broke. Because they're as cold and unfeeling as you are. And this was Demitri's problem. On the surface he seemed to be doing great. But everyone that he may have cared for at some point, vanished from him.

I will never forgive him. What he did, no matter how much he may have suffered, was wrong and disgusting. He hurt so many. He destroyed my sense of being. But he served his purpose. After all I suffered, he proved to me one thing: all people suffer. Genkaku was right. And he's going to hate me. I've killed someone. But I don't care anymore. He's suffered so much, and still is. If he does hate me, maybe I could put him out of his misery.

You ever played Fallout? My brother loves it, and I understand why. That would be the best way to describe what's in front of me. Tokyo is completely ruined. Somehow my phone survived all this, albeit with a couple of cracks. It would be a crime to not play music on my way to the temple. It's All Over but the Crying is set to repeat, and Google maps leads me to the temple. I'm surprised my data still works. I took a guard's gun out before leaving the property. When disaster strikes people can get pretty crazy. I accidentally shot another woman on my way. She screamed at me and really freaked me out. But I don't really care. I didn't know her. And a man as well. He was trying to take my gun, yelling about his broken leg. Somehow he still managed to lunge at me. Maybe it's the adrenaline, but with both shots, both deaths, I didn't feel a thing. Just the freedom.

After about twenty minutes, I finally reach the temple, and find it in ruins. Most of the buildings collapsed, a few trees. I have no idea where Azuma would be. But I'll try to find him. To say that I love him, and to perhaps take him away from all of this. At first, I don't see Genkaku, but I do see the priest. Resting against a tree. He seems afraid. But he eventually notices me. "Miss Vedmid, please, find somewhere safe." "I'm here to see Genkaku, where is he?" "Listen child, you can't see him, not now. He's lost his mind! I knew what was wrong with him, but we didn't know how severe. That it could impair his reality so much." He's truly frantic. I've always seen the priest as calm and collected. "Wait, what's wrong with him?" I ask. "Bipolar... One I think. Possible schizophrenia. I know people with those ailments can lead normal lives, but he's lost it! He claims death to be salvation he... he killed three people Miss Vedmid!" Before I can ask more, he suddenly falls dead. There's a knife in the back of his head.

"Four. I've saved four." Genkaku smiles. "Thanks for keeping him distracted." This joy on his face, it's different from before. He doesn't just seem happy. He looks... alive. For the first time since we first met. "How'd all that blood get on your top Nicki? The gun in your hand, did you use it?" I nod, and hold up two fingers. "Twice." "On Dmitri?" I can't help but mirror his smile. "No, but he is dead! Electrocution! I killed him! I'm finally free!" "Why?" "Wha... What do you mean why? You know why, you know what he's done." "I didn't kill my rapists out of vengeance, Nicole. I killed them to save them. Now tell me, why did you kill those people?" I know why. Because Genkaku is right. "A man's leg was broken, he was in so much pain. A woman was crying about her dead child. And no one on the face of this earth loved Demitri Vedmid." After I’ve said all that, the red head kisses my lips, holding tightly onto my waist. "I knew I was in love. I knew we were supposed to do this together,” He says with a smile.

I pull away from him, reminding myself of Nara. "No, Genkaku, this... this isn't right." "Why? It's meant to happen." "No, Genkaku it's not. I love someone else." "She's dead Nicole. And even if she isn't, she won't love you anymore." "Shut up!" "The unenlightened won't love us Nicole. But I do. We know the truth Nic, we're the only ones." "Shut up! You don't know that! I love her! And... and she loves me! " "Does she love you enough to accept this?" "She won't have to!" "You'd lie to her?" "It's not like the first question she asks will be 'Hey Nicki, did you kill your father?' I won't have to lie because she'll never ask." "It won’t work Nicole." "You'll be in prison." "And you won't?" "There's no evidence of what happened." I hold up my bandaged hand. "No prints. The gun is not mine. Anyone could have shot those people, and Demitri's death looks like an accident." "Your clothes are blood splattered. DNA testing exists." "Not for ashes." "You gonna walk around the city naked?" "It's a good tactic to make people feel sorry for you." "Aw Nicole, you're so naive." "Goodbye Genkaku." "I'll see you again soon, my lovely." I can feel him staring at me as I walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Made my goal for the day! I’m pretty hyper-fixated though on writing, so I guess I’ll knock out a few more!


	21. Sentenced

Genkaku  
April 19th, 2014, 2:07pm

My sentencing date was yesterday. I have a few months in a mental rehab facility. Once the prison I'm supposed to go to is built, I'll be reassigned there. As an adult, they likely would've given me forty. And the judges kinda sympathized with me when I told them what had been done to me. My lawyer told me he wished I hadn't mentioned it, because we had to spend about an hour trying to prove it. But in the end, I got off way easier.

Nicolette is in foster care, and since the system screwed her over for so many years, they let her choose where she wanted to be placed. Although I still wouldn't say that pays the price. They could've ended it all years ago, but chose not to. Having a choice as to what you wanna do with your life doesn't seem like enough to me. But she chose to live in a foster home a few kilometers from here, in Yokohama. She was pretty against the idea of an orphanage, since she likely wouldn't be allowed to do virtually anything. And now, she has a few more foster siblings.

I was right about Nara. She died in the earthquake. Her father as well. Just her mother and her older brother survived. Nicolette still ain't over her. I mean it has been only been two weeks since she heard. She told me she's been hanging around a bit with Nara's older brother, Nagi. Guess he hasn't been coping well with his sister's death. 

I will admit though, I do like this new version of her. Once she got home that night, she found some clothes in someone's mansion nearby in a dresser that fell down two stories. Then she changed her clothes, and burned down the ruins of the manor. She dresses so much cooler too. No more pink and silver. Well, a little silver if it can match with everything else. Drinks now, smokes a little. I just love it! And I love her, and I can't wait till we can be together again. We're meant to be, I just know it! I mean, the girl's willing to kill for me. And even if it isn't for me, and she's just doin' it for fun, I still fuckin' love it. We're so much alike, it's crazy! Even if I'm a little against her preferred methods of saving people. Electrocution is a tad bit torturous if you ask me.


	22. Fostered

Shinagawa  
November 2nd, 2014, 6:13pm

I was taken into foster care at fourteen. Most of the foster siblings I've had over the years either got adopted, were transferred to new homes, or grew out of the system. I turned eighteen on October 25th. Kumiko says she'll keep me around till I can get into university, get a job, and have a place of my own (I do kinda have one, but it ain't exactly livable), but she's not getting paid for it anymore. The current plan is to get my doctorate in cardiology. I've practiced a few times on corpses, and I think I'd be okay at it. I really lucked out with that woman. She actually acts like a parent. I guess my three new siblings got lucky themselves. Well, I mean my way of looking at it anyway.

Rokuro Bundo's house burned down, with his aunt and uncle inside. I almost made an uncle Owen and aunt Beru joke, but I ran it past Nicolette and she said it was kinda funny, but he'd probably cry over it and Kumiko would probably yell at me for it, so I decided against it. His parents died in a car crash when he was two, so he had to come live here. Kid's a fuckin' genius but he's also a complete jerk, so I avoid him unless I need help with math. 

Karako Koshio's mom was connected to life support, and she died when the power in Tokyo went out, and the backup generator at the hospital she was in failed. Lotta people died that way. She's actually planning to be a registered nurse, and she's training for her CNA right now. Another person in the family with an interest in medicine. Her dad died when the apartment building they lived in toppled over. It was an old building. Could've maybe handled a mid-register earth quake, but from what I heard this one broke the scale. They're calling it an eleven magnitude. I wouldn't call that scientifically accurate to say, but my specialty is cardiology, not geology.

Nicolette Vedmid's father had an electrical wire fall on top of him, and her mother died just after her birth. Which means I was right. That bastard got exactly what was comin' to him. Nicole's had a few court appearances. Ended up inheriting 744,345,000,000 Yen, and that was only in Japan, but she has to wait till she's 20 to get it. She also has about 114,342,000,000 rubles in Russia. A few second-in commands are getting his companies, but she doesn't want them anyway. She's also called out the Tokyo police force for it's corruption, and Social Services for how horrible it's agents are. Made headlines when she spoke out about her father at his own funeral. Not just about his abuse of her, but of all the terrible things his companies have done. Most people are applauding her for speaking out against abuse, but there are a few jackass publishers that have written articles about her being just some over-privileged rich girl. Of course those publishers woke up to a huge amounts of backlash, and have mostly since taken down the articles, and issued apologies. 

I will say this about Nicole though: The girl has lost her damn mind. Not to the public eye, although she isn't as in it any more, as eventually people no longer cared about her. Guess her fifteen minutes ran out. And at school she seems normal. When I first met her she was just this scared, timid girl begging me to not call the cops. But now, she drinks a lot. I guess it's understandable, she needs something to cope with what she's been through. She smokes too. I really don't care as long as she doesn't do it in my car. And she has a friend in a mental institution that she visits from time to time.

Azuma Genkaku, another headliner. Killed the three men who raped him. Then his temple's priest. But people don't care about that last part. I'm not sure how to label this guy. I mean, he's clearly crazy as hell. Kills people and tries to justify it by calling it salvation. I've killed a lot of people. Like, five times more than this kid. But I don't try to say it was a good thing to do. That, and he's a religious nut. As the twin brother of a rape victim, I'd say the kid deserves a fuckin medal. Wish I'd been the one to beat my mom to death, and to give the sick fuck who raped my sister his lethal injection. Sucks that I didn't, but that's all in the past. I won't judge Azuma for killing, especially killing criminals. But I will judge him for trying to justify killing the innocent, even if I do so myself. I guess unlike him I don't try to put a positive spin on it. I know it's fucked up, I just don't give a shit. I have no justifications, and I don't need nor want one.

The dance season started at the same time as gymnastics, so I usually just drive Nicolette home with me. I just got my license, and despite how stressful it is, driving is pretty great. Obviously I don't use my real license, I got a fake one printed up so I could buy booze. It's not too difficult to pass for twenty-two. But if I did get pulled over I'd have to use the real one. Nicolette is laying in the backseat now, smoking a slim cigarette. "Nic, I have told you a million times, don't smoke in my car!" The blonde rolls her eyes. "It's completely fine. I do it in the house." "The house is way bigger than a car, and besides, I'd prefer to not get an asthma attack, or, you know, die." She mumbles something in French, and ashes the cigarette. I usually buy her booze and cigarettes. Yeah, I know, I'm enabling her. But she'd just get them from someone else, and that someone else probably won't water down her vodka.

One of the track guys texted me about some party tomorrow. I hate the noise and the idiot guys that go to those things, but chicks are way easy to kill and get home when they're too drunk to stand. So I have to play like I like goin' to 'em. I think one of the dumbass American School of Japan kids is hosting it. Gabe sounds pretty American to me. Aichi got an enormous influx of ASOJ students after the Earthquake. A couple other schools, but most went to cities further away from Tokyo. It's not like we got their entire student body. Most of them moved back to the states. But it's enough that it's definitely noticeable. Too many for my taste. Mostly blonde and brunettes, not exactly my type. So it may be a little harder to find a suitable girl. But, as long as I get one home by the end of the night, I couldn't care less.


	23. Self Hate

Aaliyah  
November 2nd, 2014, 11:43pm

A wave of nausea rushes over me, and I throw up for the fourth time tonight. I never drank a sip of alcohol. Just that damn soda. I don't ever wanna taste a lime soda ever again. I knew something wasn't right the second I tasted salt. He said it might've gone bad. 

I stare at myself in the mirror. My eyes are still puffy and red. My brown shoulders are starting to bruise a horrible shade of purple. I have a headache. "Aaliyah, babe, you coming down?" Gabe yells from down the stairs. I hate him! I hate him so much! 

I pull down my way too small red skirt to cover my thighs. One more swig of mouthwash, before I hear Gabe pounding on the door. "C'mon Aaliyah! I know you're in there!" I quickly open the door, faking a smile best I can. "Like the new outfit? That necklace is real gold." I smile and nod. "Y-Yeah. Tha-thanks Gabe." "Good girl. Gotta make you pretty somehow." I hate him. I hate myself. 

I wanna go back. Back to Miami. Back to home. I didn't wanna come to Japan in the first place. In America, people thought I was gorgeous and fun. I had friends, I did cheer squad. Shit, I was one of the popular kids. But no, my senior year my mom has a fuckin midlife crisis, and takes us to Japan. She says she want to "help with cleanup" but Mariah and I know the real reason: this is where she met my dad, at an air force base in Tokyo. Mom said she felt outta place, started talking to my dad, one of only people there from Miami. They went to high school together. Dad left the military after five years, went back to be a professor. Mom decided to ask for transfer back to Miami. Asked him out their first day back in the states.

Sounds like a cute, sappy romance movie right? Yeah, it was. Till I was born. My mom told Mariah and I that it wasn't our fault they were getting a divorce. And yeah, she chose to have us. But having me certainly caused a downward spiral. Dad didn't want kids. He wanted to focus on his career as a history professor at the University of Miami. 

Two years; she couldn't have waited two damn years for my sister and I to be out of the house?! I'll be eighteen in May. I would've graduated only a week after. The very least mom could've done was wait to move to Japan. Or better yet not involve in her midlife crisis at all. I could've graduated in Miami. I got into the Culinary Institute of America in California. I don't even know if I can go now. I should've stayed with dad. I mean yeah, he's a workaholic, but I'd still have my friends looking out for me.

I don't remember the last time I felt this alone. In Miami, I'd always had friends. I met most of them in kindergarten, a few in cheer squad. In Miami I had at least made a name for myself. Someone in the neighborhood always knew me for something. My singing, my baking, my photographer. I mean shit, at fifteen I was a damn entrepreneur. I mean, I did have "daddy's money" but making it on my own was kinda cool. Every now and then I'd be asked to bake a cake for a party or do some photography. I have yet to bake a wedding cake or a first birthday cake. Never photographed anyone's wedding. I did do a couple of friend's senior pictures. Their parents paid me a bit, but for me I mostly wanted the experience. Personally I mostly have photography as a hobby.

I had to start all over again here. Mariah impressed people her first day. At home she wasn't shit. Hell I had to protect her most of the time. My school wasn't exactly Westboro Baptists homophobes, but they're definitely not allies. Maybe it's cause here she isn't out. Or cause she likes rap and cars and video games. Makes her popular with the boys. Not so much the girls, but Mariah isn't exactly good at being friends with girls. Not exactly good at being their girlfriend either, but that's just cause she thinks of herself as a "player". 

There's some truth to the fact that Gabe made me. Although I don't get to be me. I get to be "Gabe's girlfriend" or whatever gross, sexualized nickname they can come up with about my body. Honestly, I think I just want to be nobody again. At least I didn't have to sell my soul for that. I'm an extrovert at heart, but I miss myself. I can't remember the last time I was able to take some photos, aside from party pics, and it's hard to make those look in any way artistic. Winter here is real pretty. Florida has two seasons: stovetop and the surface of the sun. To me our winters are pretty cold, but my cousin lives in New York, and she says that those sixty degree winters sound like an actual paradise.

The music is giving me a headache. I'd feel more secure in a bikini than in this dress. It's too dark to see, but somehow I still feel blinded by the pulsating colored lights. I can't breathe. I feel sick. I hate this party, I hate Gabe, I hate my life, and I would give anything in the world right now to be anywhere other than this mansion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to actually find a way to post art of Aaliyah and Nicolette. I feel like they’re the only ones I’d have to post since, well everyone knows what the canon characters look like. I’m not exactly phenomenal at describing people without info-dumping. I can draw on paper well, but I don’t have a tablet so I’d have to find a way to scan it.


	24. Trust

Shinagawa  
December 2nd, 2014, 11:02pm

Y'know, if not for all the people and noise and the fact that I have to pretend to like said people and said noise, I'd probably love parties. Plenty of drunk people, hot girls, people who don't just look right at me with pure disgust the moment I walk in the door cause either I brought booze, or they're to drunk to notice how ugly I am. I guess I don't like parties as much as I just like an excuse to get drunk. Unfortunately, ASOJ kids really love throwing super loud, obnoxious, rich kid type parties, so even when if I was drunk, they aren't exactly enjoyable.

I can honestly say this time that have no idea who the fuck hosted this. Aichi is getting a painful amount of ASOJ kids, and they're all mostly the same. Perfect kids with their parents money, who will go on to leave perfect lives. I hate how I look. Places like this make me feel so much worse. I mean, who wouldn't. But my foster mom says my face at least has some character to it, which to her is better than looking like everyone else. Said it to comfort me. Still don't feel it. 

Eventually, someone who does seem kinda interesting comes my way. Hickory brown skin, jet black hair in twin braids, perfect eyes with irises so dark that I can barely see her pupils. Still seems pretty rich. Way to gorgeous to ever be into a guy like me. She takes a seat next to me, and for whatever reason buries her face right into my shoulder. Clearly stupid drunk, but it's the only way I get girls to come home with me. I don't fuck 'em or anything. Just pin em down and start cuttin' off their faces. But when she looks up, I can clearly see mascara and eyeliner dripping down her face, along with the purple bruises on her shoulders. Not sure if she's drunk or if it's her boyfriend who's had too much to drink. Oh well, time to get her away from it all. "Hey, you wanna go upstairs?" The girl smiles, nods, and leads the way. 

She leads me to a blue and black colored bedroom, and before she even tells me her name, she kisses me. No movement or anything. Just ten seconds of her lips against mine. After she pulls off, she finally tells me her name. "I'm Aaliyah Morgan," she says in a soft voice. "Sorry for the kinda weird, forward introduction. I just... I needed to get away for a while..." Tears are pooling into her eyes. I worry that I may be right. Maybe not about the boyfriend, but someone's definitely hurting her. 

"Don't worry about it. Trust me, at these kinda parties, I've seen weirder intros." She giggles a slight bit. "Craziest one?" "Saw a chick just start making out with guy, before running off to throw up in the kitchen sink. I don't think they'd ever met before. No joke!" Aaliyah laughs for a while at that. "I'm Shinagawa by the way. And you might wanna find someone else to talk to this about. Trust me, I'm the worst person you'll ever meet." "Can't be any worse than my boyfriend. At least you're kinda nice to me." 

Aaliyah rests her head on my shoulder, and proceeds to tell me about her boyfriend, Gabe, the host of this party. How she finally realized how he was hurting her. I guess he's physically, emotionally, and sexually abusive. Tells me that she had just woke up naked, to texts of photos and videos of her boyfriend and his friends touching her and raping her. That she feels like less than nothing. Hearing about it brings up enough memories to nearly make me sick. "I'm sorry for bringing this on you. I just need to get out of this. He treats me like garbage, and I just got a look at you and thought maybe you wouldn't." Clearly this girl is not the best judge of character. Or maybe she thought I wouldn't be able to afford to treat her bad since I'm so hideous. But she's cute, I'll give her that much. She looks down to herself. "I hate everything about what I've become!" "I think you look... Well..." "I hate these colors! I miss wearing sweaters and flower patterns. I used to dress really nice, and now..." She's wearing a red low cut top with a very short matching red skirt.

"Aaliyah," I grab her hand. "Do you want me to take you home? Back to your place." She rests her palm on the left side of my face. "Can we stay here for a while?" "Sure, I guess." Aaliyah presses her lips back to mine, but we're soon interrupted by the creak of a door, and the shout of her name. "Aaliyah! You bitch! You're cheating on me?!" "Gabe, he's treated me better in ten minutes than you have in two months! You've taken my whole life away from me. I'm done with you!" He grabs her by the throat and shoves her into a wall. "I gave you everything Aaliyah! This is how you repay me?" I grab his hand off her neck, and he punches me in response. "This doesn't involve you freak! Just go home!" "It involves me more than you think." I could kill him right here. I have a gun in my pocket. It would be so easy. 

"Alright, you're delusional man, why don't I take you home." I notice the gleam of a knife in his pocket. Aaliyah notices too. "Gabe you can't,” She sobs, still trying to regain her breath. "I'll kill you too you stupid bitch." Her grabs my arm and her hand. "Alright freak, why don't you show me where home is? I think you and Aaliyah have had a bit too much to drink." Obviously I'm gonna lie to this guy. I have a much better place to go right now, and home isn't it.

We finally get back to my cellar. About a fifteen minute drive. I'll admit, I feel kinda bad for Aaliyah. She's been crying the whole time. I guess she really thinks we're gonna die. I stop the car at the cellar. "We're here." I state calmly. Gabe presses the knife to my throat. "Get out. Both of you." The three of us climb out of the car, onto the sidewalk. The moment he pushes his knife to back my throat, I point a gun to his stomach. He takes the knife back pretty quick. "You better get home Gabe. Or I'll spill your guts all over the pavement." Gabe throws his hands up. "Alright freak, ya got me there, I'll head home. Just don't fuck with me again." Garrett starts walking as Aaliyah takes my hand. Right before he turns around, and stabs her in the eye. 

I pull the trigger on him as he tries to run. First time I've ever fired it. I dial 119 as Aaliyah is screeching in pain, crumbled on the sidewalk as she holds her eye. 119, what's your emergency?" "I got a seventeen year old girl here who was just stabbed in her left eye by her boyfriend. I... I don't know where her boyfriend went." No way I'm getting arrested for simply killing one guy and owning a gun. When I go, I want people to hear that body count. "Where are you?" "8765, 22nd avenue, southwest." "Okay, I've dispatched an ambulance and a police car. Do you know the girl's name, I can try and contact her parents." "Aaliyah Morgan." 

After making the call, I bring Aaliyah inside. There's a small room before my cellar. I just have a couch there and an old fridge from like, the nineties or something. I put Aaliyah on the couch with ice over her eye and a bandage over her eye. Although to be honest, that eye is gone. As for her boyfriend, I threw him over a nearby fence. 

A police car and an ambulance arrive in a few minutes with, someone I'd guess is Aaliyah's mom. I'd think so since the woman wraps her arms around me. "Thank you, thank you so much!" She exclaims. "Wha-why?" "Why? You saved my daughter! Why else?" "The paramedics are gonna do that." "Who called the paramedics?" "I did but-" One of the EMTs interrupts me. "Ms. Morgan, we have to go. Your daughter has to get a blood transfusion as soon as possible." The woman turns to the door without a second thought.

A police officer stops me at the outside threshold. "Stay here awhile kid. I've got a few questions to ask you." I don't even think as I try to run to the cellar. He calls another cop, and they corner me at the door of my closest. They can't find what's in here! I've worked way too hard!

Guess it's futile. They've see the corpses. I'm done for. One officer cuffs me and drags me off, while the other opens the door, an unforgettable, wonderful look of horror on his face.


	25. Bright Lights

Aaliyah  
November 4th, 2014, 10:36am

Bright hospital lights fill my vision as I wake up, and once that clears, I can see my mom, Mariah, and a doctor standing over me. "Glad to see you're awake Miss Morgan. You were out for a few days after surgery." Surgery? I had surgery? Maybe they fixed my eye! "Aaliyah, thank God you're okay!" My mother throws her arms over me. "Mom what happened? How did I get here." I don't remember much after the stabbing. Maybe I blacked out, or I'm in shock. "That man you were with called 119. He used your name, so an operator associated you with me, since I had a permanent residence." "And what happened to him? Is he okay?" "He's been arrested." Did they seriously arrest him for killing Gabe in self-defense?! Did he even kill him? I heard a gunshot, but I don't know if he just shot him in the leg, or if he even got him.

"Mom, why did they arrest him? Shinagawa didn't do anything wrong." My mom shoots the doctor a look. She lets the doctor explain. "Miss Morgan, he's been charged with illegal possession of a firearm, as well as twenty-eight counts of first-degree murder. Had you stayed there, you probably would've made twenty-nine." "Doctor!" My mother yells. "Well I'm sorry ma'am but that's probably true. However, if he had decided not to call 119, you'd also likely be dead. So, Miss Morgan, you are a very lucky young woman." 

My eye is seriously messed up. I guess it's not my eye anymore. Just an empty, sewn closed, eye socket. I don't know if sewing it shut made it better or worse. I know just the socket would've been pretty disgusting, but at least I probably wouldn't have look like some horror movie experiment. Eventually my mom asks me to put the eyepatch back on. "Mom, how long do I have to wear this thing?" "I guess you could take it off, but you'd probably terrify some young children. But wear it for now, it keeps any bacteria out. Oh, and don't touch the scar. The doctor probably should've told you that." "What happens if I cry?" "Well, you no longer have an eye on your left, so tears would only come out of the right." My mom throws me a yellow Miami FL. sweater, a brown belt, and light blue jeans. "Hurry up and get these on. We can go home now."

Seeing is pretty hard now. The left of my vision is entirely gone, and I don't have much depth perception, so every now and then I bump into objects I thought were farther away. Doctor says I'll soon get used to it, but it may take some time. Says that my artwork will be harder to do, but of course, I'll get used to it.

My mom for some reason drives the opposite direction of home. Or maybe not. Now that I think about it, I have no idea where this hospital is. So I guess I shouldn't bug her on directions. But maybe I was right, because for some reason she pulls into the parking lot of a prison. "Mom, what exactly are we doing here?" "You're going to thank that young man who called emergency services." "You're asking me to walk into a prison with dangerous criminals, and thank a man who was likely going to kill me?! Are you crazy?!" "You would be dead if not for him. You should thank him for saving your life. I already have." She rests a hand on my shoulder. "Aaliyah, there are multiple inches of bulletproof glass between you and every one of those prisoners. There are plenty of guards right there and on call. I promise you, you'll be one-hundred percent safe." I sigh, open the car, and walk to the building. Most off the wall thing I guess was a metal detector. One of the newer, full body scan ones they have at the airport. Other than that, not much. 

There are a couple other people here. It's a prison for people under the age of twenty, so a lot of them are parents. Couple girlfriends, but I doubt anyone else is here because their mother told them to. Hell, I'm sure plenty of their mothers would panic if they found out they were here. I tell one of the guards who I'm looking for, and he tells me he'll find him.

After a few minutes of waiting, Shinagawa takes the seat across from me. "So," he smiles. "You're the one here for me. I assumed it was my foster mother or one of my siblings." "Yeah, it's me. You're a foster kid?" "Been that way since I was fourteen. No one ever adopted me, I guess you can see why." Poor kid, no wonder he's so messed up. "What's with the look Aali?" "It's Aaliyah. And, I don't know I just..." "You don't have to feel bad for me. My foster mom is so nice. Much better than my actual mom." "What happened to her?" He leans back, trying to figure out how to phrase what he wants to say.

"My mom had us young, me and my twin sister. She was an addict, opioids usually, but whatever she could get her hands on. Started dating her dealer. Anyway I walked in on him raping my sister, and he left me in the woods. Said I ran away. But once my mom found out what he'd been doing to my sister, he beat her to death. Slit my sister's throat too." Jesus, that has to be about the most insanely fucked up thing I've ever heard! I really don't know what to say about it. Stuff like that you usually read in news articles. "Wait, why did he abandon you and not your sister" "Had to keep her around. Didn't think she'd tell. He was pretty fucked in the head." "You killed almost 30 women and made clothes with their scalps. That's pretty fucked if you ask me."

There are a few moments of silence between us. I can't tell if he's pissed at me for bringing it up, or basking in the pride of such a number. "So, you know?" "My doctor told me. And I mean, you're in prison for a reason." "So why are you here if you think I'm so messed up?" "To thank you." "For what?" "For saving my life." A slight smile spreads on his face. Not murderous, but... I don't know. Reading his emotions is kinda difficult. But I still have this burning question I have to ask. "Why didn't you do it? Would've been an easy kill." Still, quiet as a mouse. "You are the first person who's actually kissed me without it being a joke, or being too drunk to stand. That's why." "Really?" "You really think with a face like mine and the scary as all hell vibe I give off gets me a ton of women?" "First of all, I like your face, it's unique. Most guys I've dated are just your typical, idiot wanna be, who always says they were a model for some clothing shop when they were a little kid. And second, you have this aura about you. It's kinda charming." 

Smiling again. Probably shouldn't have said what I just did. Oh well, I can't take it back now. But he soon finally has something to say. "I just love your hair." Just completely out of the blue. "You do?" "Of course it's gorgeous." "You know, coming from a man who made clothes out of dead women's' hair, that's kind of off putting." "Yeah I suppose it would be. I just love your hair like that. You're gorgeous, y'know that?" Does he seriously think I'm gorgeous? No guy has ever said something like that about me. I mean, yeah I've been called pretty, sexy, stuff like that. But not gorgeous. "So, Aaliyah, you find me attractive, I think you're gorgeous and kinda cool. Wanna go out?" It was confirmed a while ago that this guy is insane, but somehow this says it more. "You're in prison." "So is that guy." He points to a prisoner, kissing his girlfriend through the glass. "Maybe when you get out." 

The man just starts laughing! What the actual hell is wrong with him?! Well, I mean I know what's wrong with him. He's probably a sociopath. "Aaliyah," he finally manages through his laughter. "Aaliyah I killed 28 women and did horribly fucked up things with their corpses, do you honestly think I'm getting out? I'm on death row!" God dammit, death row! That- that's not fair! He should be with me! Jesus Christ, what is wrong with me, why do I want him?! "Alright, I need an answer, visitation is almost over." Should I really do this? I mean, it's insane, he's a serial killer! But he managed to treat me better than a completely sane man, who's had plenty of experience with women, and should know how to treat one. And he saved my life! Maybe... "Yes! Yes, I'll be your girlfriend!" "Woo! Alright, holy shit I have a girlfriend! Oh my god, my first girlfriend, this is awesome!" "First?" "Ha, yeah first. Not now I saw it exactly. But it's you, so even if I'm in prison I think it's better than how I saw it." 

We spend a few moments just staring at each other, before visitation ends, and I go back to the car. My mother is reading a book, and Mariah is listening to her music in the backseat, scrolling through her phone. "Well, you took your sweet time. How is he?" "He's okay. Do I have to do this again?" I can’t make her suspicious. If my mom found out I said yes to being a serial killer's girlfriend, she won't ever let me leave the house again. "Oh no sweetie, I will never bring you here again. Now let's go home." "Sounds good mom. Love you." "I love you too Aaliyah. I'm just glad you're okay."


	26. Justice is Strength

Nicolette  
November 20th, 2014, 2:09pm

I think Kumiko is broken. She's been near silent since Shinagawa was arrested. I suppose he's been with her the longest. She probably thought of him as her son. Karako has been in shock. They weren't like, super close, but they did bond a bit over the whole, dead twin sisters thing. And I mean, he was weird. Him being a serial killer though is definitely a surprise. Like, there was no suspicion or anything. He hid it well. Rokuro doesn't seem to care. He seems pretty much entirely stoic about everything. I mean it sucks he's in prison. Definitely shocking, but to someone who has killed people, it doesn't hit as hard.

Shinagawa didn't get the treatment Genkaku did. No mercy. Genkaku can be sympathized with what for he did. Aside from how violent it was, what he did to the three monks I'd say was justified. So did the judges, but what he did to the priest was I suppose, "unnecessary". They did sentence him to a minimum of ten years in a psychological institution. Basically prison for someone who plead insanity I guess.

Shinagawa on the other hand, well... it's pretty much a unanimous opinion that what he did was entirely fucked up. There is no justification for it. We watched the trial, all of Kumiko's foster kids. A lot of it was going over evidence, and it's all completely damming. Not too many witnesses. A few of the girls' parents. Not every one of the wanted to testify. Obviously they were all pretty heart broken. None of them ever knew what happened to their daughters. Some assumed human trafficking, that they'd just gone missing or been taken off the streets. One said on the news described finding out as a closure they never wanted. Some hoped they'd come home. Hearing what had been done to their daughters' corpses, well, one said they nearly lost their will to live right then and there. Another said that his daughter having her face and scalp cut off and being hung naked from a teenager's ceiling like a piece of meat wasn't even in their worst nightmares. Said only a true monster could do such a horrific thing.

There were two arresting officers who actually saw what my brother did. At first only one was supposed to testify. The other was being hospitalized for shock. She was probably in her late forties. Said in all her years, with all her training, she had never seen something so horrific. Out of human trafficking dens, of gory scenes, she'd never seen anything like what she did there. Described it like "a mannequin factory made of corpses". 

The last day of the trial the second officer came in. Said at first he couldn't, he didn't wanna speak of it. He didn't wanna look at the man who did it, and "face the fact that he's young enough to be his younger brother". He said he couldn't sleep at night. He couldn't close his eyes without seeing the faces of young women sewn into the inside of jackets. He said the worst thing he'd ever seen in his life before this was him bloody wounds, usually from robberies. 2014 is his first year on the force. He's retiring this year. 

His psychologist spoke after him. The cop couldn't go on. He admitted himself to the hospital two days after the arrest. He knew he'd be walking into a tough scene, a girl stabbed in the eye. The doctor said that during one of their sessions he was told, read word for word "I knew I'd see horrible things. Abuse, death. I always thought I could do this type of work. Something like this is once in a lifetime. I thought serial killers went out of style a long time ago, and that it would never be here. This was too much. I'm broken. I want to die so I don't have to close my eyes again and see those faces". He said the officer came in, immediately expressing suicidal thoughts. He's been diagnosed with PTSD. 

I still can't believe it, but Kumiko testified. Maybe it was just to express her hurt. She said she will never understand the pain that he's caused, that even though she knew it paled in comparison to the families of these women, she's heartbroken. She says she feels manipulated. She took him in, and has treated him as a son. She said she felt sorrow for him. She took him in for the same reason she did for me. She said she couldn't believe someone so young could be capable of such a monstrous thing.

I was asked to. To be honest, I can't. It would feel like betrayal. Even though I didn't see it at the time, he led me to something I had to do. Seeing Dmitri behind bars would never feel like justice. Even though child abuse doesn't qualify it, seeing him killed by the state wouldn't feel like justice. I had to do it, and Genkaku had to do what he did. Nothing else would feel like right.

It still doesn't feel like justice! It's not enough! He's not the only one who hurt me. I was ignored for years! No one tried to help me! 

One of my father's closest "friends" was the Chief of the Tokyo Police. The mayor and city council have allowed him to remain chief. Despite evidence of corruption, despite that he allowed a child to face abuse for years, and protests demanded that he be removed from office, and stand trial for corruption, obstruction of justice, tax evasion, the list goes on. The Tokyo PD only had a single statement to release to the press. "While we acknowledge the mistakes made by Police Chief Ishii, the primary goal of the city of Tokyo is rebuilding after the Great Tokyo Earthquake. We do not have time to elect a new chief of police in the midst of disaster."

Mistakes. They called the years he was payed off to ignore a beaten, molested child mistakes.

I don't think I've ever read a single thing in my whole life that has filled me with more rage than that line. And I don't know what to do. And I feel broken. I feel broken and hurt and I don't know what I can do about it.

And there's a voice in my head that says I already know what to do. I've done it before. But I don't believe he deserves to be saved. I could let him suffer his guilt.

What guilt?

What guilt?! His daughters are going to attend one of the top colleges in the country from the money his father received to allow the abuse of a child. His wife is sticking by him. They live like my father, off money made of the continuation of my pain. Rich as kings, in a brand new house in the surviving parts of Tokyo. He has his job. Still has the respect of the police force. If he didn't, that'd leave.

So is death not salvation? Maybe it can be. Maybe Genkaku’s view on it is still limited. Maybe death can be more. Obviously these families are heart broken by the deaths of these women. Nagi hasn't been able to cope with his sister or father's deaths. Maybe it's odd to say, but I swear Genkaku gets off on it. My brother must have found it fun, an outlet for the pain and anger he felt after his own sister's death.

Death can be more than salvation. Genkaku’s grasp is still too limited. I can prove it can be more. If I can see what he does, I know he'll be able to see what I can. 

Justice will bring peace. Justice will bring me back my strength that I've forgotten. Justice may lock me up, but it's the only way I can ever be free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m actually just really proud of this chapter. I’ve never been able to get into a “mad” headspace in my writing before. This chapter was meant to be a short filler, but I ended up running with it.


	27. First Hand Knowledge

Aaliyah  
December 1st, 2014, 12:03pm

The trial has so far felt endless. I didn't even wanna do this. My mom did. She's always been, I suppose the optimistic type. Keeps her going to think that things can get better in life.

I know how these trials go back home. I've heard it's even worse here. It's definitely going to be worse here. He's in a wheelchair right now. It's why I never wanted to press charges. The judges will end up just feeling sorry for him. Even though he'll only be in that wheelchair for only a few weeks. Meanwhile, I'll never get my eye back. The eyepatch I have to wear is forever.

But eyepatches don't get sympathy like wheelchairs do. People for sorry for people with a broken leg. Wanna sign their casts, help them up stairs. But when a disability is permanent, it seems all people wanna do is look away. 

As soon as I got my eyepatch I noticed it. People looking away. It's at a point where I wanna drop out of school. Hell, after this I'll probably have to. I can feel it in my soul that this won't end well. He won't be found guilty, and then everyone at school will say I was lying. Even now people are saying I'm lying. His friends are on his side, even though they know what he did. They saw the photos he sent them. One texted me after the first day of the trial. Said that it wasn't that bad, that I was lucky to get the attention. He blocked me as soon as the message was marked "read".

When my mom first pressed the charges, his mother came to our house. Pleaded with us to drop the charges. Said the same thing as the boy from school. That it wasn't that bad. That I should move on. That I shouldn't "ruin her son's life". I asked her about what she felt about my eye. I can't move on from losing my eye. Her response was that her "son was terrified for his life and acted out of fear".

Shinagawa had the gun. Not me. If he was so terrified for his life then why did he stab me?

———————-

"On the charges of sexual assault in the first degree, we find the defendant not guilty. On the charge of assault in the first degree, we find the defendant not guilty."

I sit silent. Like I can't move, or speak. I knew it would happen. It somehow doesn't make those words sting any less. 

Even with all the evidence, photos and videos, his fingerprints on the knife, the drug still in my system at the hospital, he still got "not guilty". The judges agreed with his lawyer in his parents that it was all "a mistake". That he's seventeen, and he shouldn't have to pay for a "mistake" for the rest of his life. It doesn't matter to them that I'm also seventeen, and I'll have to live with what he did to me my whole life, but that doesn't seem to matter.

I watch the man who did this to me hug his parents, and shake the hand of his lawyer, and leave the room, speaking of celebration. My mother places a hand on my shoulder. I brush it off without a word.

———————-

My mother and I walk together to the lobby of the courthouse. Gabe's lawyer is standing right in the center, with a paper in her hand. She hands it to my mother. "We'll see you in court Ms. Morgan." "What is this?" My mother asks. "It's a lawsuit summons." "Lawsuit?!" "Yes a lawsuit. The family of Gabriel Jacobson is suing you for defamation of character."

My mother reads over the note. I can't look up. If I have to look that woman in eyes I'll be sick. "Defamation of character? Those people can't just be happy that their son won't go to prison?" "What your daughter accused Mr. Jacobson of will still follow him his whole life. It wasn't my decision. It's simply a matter of justice Ms. Morgan."

What he did will follow me my whole life. Not his. He'll get to recover from his wound, and go on to have friends, and attend college, and have a great job and a family. But I can't sleep at night. I'm scared to close my eye because I never want to wake up to what I had to ever again.

Where's my justice for all that?

———————-

I can't stop rewatching this video. It's the trial of a teenage boy who killed four people in Tokyo after the earthquake. Before it all happened, he was training to be a monk. 

The three other monks in training that he killed had beaten, molested, and raped him for months. The way he killed them was brutal. Cut off their torsos, pinned them to a wall, had drawn something in blood I can't recognize. The priest he simply killed with a stab to the back of his head. Over immediately. No pain or suffering. I still don't think he deserved it. But the others...

He looks so young and innocent. Despite how tall he is for his age, he looks so fragile and small. There are still cuts healing on his face.

Shinagawa's sister must know him. I mean, clearly since she testified. More of a character witness I suppose. Talked a lot about how loving and compassionate he was, even after everything that happened to him. He tried his best to help her, even though there wasn't much of anything he could do besides try to comfort her, even though initially she said she was pretty cold towards him. He had taken in this injured cat, even though it first bit and scratched him when he tried to pick it up. Said it was how the cat got it's name, Scratch. She said that the boy could see past the worst in people. He knew that she was cold because she put up walls to protect herself, knew the cat was afraid and in pain and was scared he'd hurt her. 

Nicolette said that the first time it happened, she was the one to find him after and bring him to the hospital. It was only around four degrees Celsius out, and she had found him completely naked with the temple door open. There was so much blood, and she could see his broken rib poking into his chest. She screamed when he passed out, thinking he'd died. When she brought him to the hospital, instead of telling someone like the Head Priest of Social Services like she wanted him to, he refused, saying he knew the men who had raped him "were suffering" and "needed help". She said she never agreed with that. There is not a single justification for what was done to him, but it did show that he always wanted to see the best in people.

He pleaded insanity. I don't think he wanted to. His lawyer did. But they did have the psychologist that saw him just two days before the earthquake speak. She said she suspected schizophrenia, but didn't want to diagnose him yet since he was so young. She did diagnose him with Bipolar One Disorder and Rape Trauma Syndrome. Said recovery from everything done to him will take a long time, and that it just won't be possible in prison. He needs therapy, and medication. She said in her medical opinion, admission to a hospital would be best for him.

One thing Nicolette said has been in my head for a while now. It's why I keep rewatching. She said Genkaku was always a kind, peaceful person. Far more slow to anger than anyone in his position should've been. That he had repressed and kept quiet about everything for too long. She said that he snapped. But it's this one line that she had at the end of her testimony that stuck with me. "I've known the pain and anger of repression and quiet for years. I know that the type of anger that comes from all this pain can't be bottled up forever. Believe me, I've experienced it all first hand."

I wonder what happened to Nicolette's father. I wonder how she has first hand knowledge of an anger that leads to death. I wonder if she's right.


	28. Live Wire

Nicolette  
December 8th, 2014, 3:06pm

"Where is he?!" "Nicole p-please! Put down the cord. We can call someone you can talk to!" "Remember when I asked for his recall? How about the protests? There were a good eight-hundred people some for days. Probably more." "I don't have control over that!" "He does. Ten million yen a year! Sick fuck has two daughters, how does he sleep at night? Bet that money went to their tuitions!"

I bring the wire closer to Ohno's neck. "Where's his office?! The chief of police, where's his office?!" "They'll kill you Nicole!" "I'll kill them first. I've gotten real good with electrical engineering. Actually, it was almost too simple. Half a water bottle of gasoline on an outlet, one match and the whole building goes up." "You'd die too." "And?"

"You're serious huh?" "I have a live wire two centimeters from your throat. Did you not already think I was serious?!" "It's on the top floor!" "Great. You're gonna take me." "I told you where it is!" "Yeah well the second I let you go I know your gonna run for backup. Your best interest is to stick with me."

She's sobbing. Understandable I suppose, but as long as I have my way, she won't die. No one else but one person. Just him. I'm being merciful if nothing else. If I wanted to I could go after social services too. The rest of the police. The hospital. All the billionaires who were friends with my father. But I'm only going to take one life. Barely a life at all of you ask me.

I kick down the door to the police chief's office. He's a middle aged man, with graying black hair. He stands up immediately, hands in the air. "Give me your gun!" I yell, bringing the wire back to Ohno's neck. "Chief, please listen to her! The backup too, she's not fucking around,” Ohno cries. The chief puts his guns on the table. "Take out the ammo! All of it! The ones in the chambers too!"

Once the chief takes out the ammo, I take it all of the desk, before letting Ohno go. "Leave. I want to speak with the chief alone." Ohno runs out the door, making a left down the hall. 

"Why'd you do it?" "Do what?" "You know damn well what you fucking did!" "Look, I just wanted to give my family a good life!" "While making sure mine was ruined? You disgust me!" "What are you planning?" "You don't need to know that yet. You're going to listen to what I have to say."

"Do you have a clue what I lived through? I was eleven years old when it started. The beatings hurt but it was what he said to me, how he touched me. It makes me sick." "I saw bruises. He told me that's just how Russia was. Not to judge how he raised his daughter." "I promise you, that is not what Russia was like." I wipe my eye off. "My aunts lived in fear until one was killed. And police treated her death the same way. They didn't accept money for it though. Heard she loved another woman, they looked the other way." "That sounds very difficult." "You don't even... you don't even know. The rage, the fear. My aunt was diagnosed with leukemia soon after. She died when I was eleven."

"What does this have to do with me? I didn't kill them!" "You have children?" "I told you, I have two! They-they're close to your age. Fourteen and fifteen years old." "You're despicable. How would you feel if that happened to your daughters, day after day, beaten and touched and made to feel like less than nothing?!" "Please don't bring them into this!" "The first day I got through his door he chopped me in the neck! Put me on my knees, brought down my dress!" "Stop! I'm sorry! Ms. Vedmid I'm so sorry!" "You could've put an end to it! And you didn't. Do your daughters know how you bought that house? Their cars? Their education? Do they know the filth on their father's hands?!" 

I wipe my face one last time, walking back behind the chief's desk. "Get on your knees. Now!" I point my brother's handgun at the chief's face. Tears fall down his cheeks. "Look at me." He refuses, shaking his head, sobbing like a child. "Look at me!" I scream. He slowly brings up his head. 

"You are the lowest of the low. Scum of the Earth." The chief brings his hands to his face, sobbing even louder. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, please believe me." "All the apologies in the world will not redeem your soul." I pull the wire from behind my back. "A gun is too merciful. And the suffering you'll feel these few seconds is nothing compared to what I've lived through."

I push the man to the ground, and thrust the wire to his neck. His screams are the loudest I've ever heard. The man makes a few final pleas for his life. I can hear the banging on the door. The others are here. The chief's screams quiet down, before they finally cease. I toss the wires to the side, before throwing my hands in the air. The door is kicked down. "Nicolette Vedmid you are under arrest on the charges of trespassing, taking a hostage, and the murder of a police officer." Handcuffs click on my wrists, as I'm pushed towards the chief's door.


	29. Salvation is Freedom

Aaliyah  
December 8th, 2014, 9:06pm

I pull my coat a little closer to me. Breathe. I have to remember to breathe. The cold makes it harder. It's something I'm just not used to. The only snow I've ever seen is maybe an inch. 

I don't know how long I've been standing here. I have to knock sometime. It just takes time to muster up the strength to do it.

The lawsuit trial started today. I doubt the judge will allow them to win a single cent. I'd prefer if he'd simply thrown out the lawsuit immediately. The reason he was found not guilty wasn't because he didn't do it. It was because even though he definitely did, the judges couldn't care less. He has no case to sue my family. The case shouldn't exist in the first place.

I finally force myself to tap twice on the door. His parents aren't home. They're probably meeting with his lawyer, getting a drink, who knows. There's no car in the lot.

I hear the tapping of crutches, and take a final breathe as he opens the door. He seems shocked at first, but it soon turns to a sick smile. "What are you doing here? Come back for more?" "Thought you were in a wheelchair?" "Yeah, my lawyer advised that. What's the point at home?" 

I hate him. I hate that sick smile. I hate that damn glint in his eyes. "You know sweetheart, I'm not exactly in the right place to give you more if that's what you wanted." "You're disgusting." "You know you love it. Here to get on your knees and beg me to drop the suit? I sure as hell won't do that, but I'm plenty down with having you on your knees."

I finally pull out the machete tucked away on my hip. Gabe steps back. "Woah, hey, I'm just kidding around. Don't gotta pull a weapon on me." "Really? I don't? Isn't that a little hypocritical of you Gabe?" "Wha- I..." "You pressed a knife against my boyfriend's throat. You were gonna kill him just because I kissed him." "Boyfriend?! You'd actually go out with that monster?" "Don't change the fuckin' subject." I point the sword an inch from his neck.

"What do you want Aaliyah? Wanna throw everything back in my face? Guild trip me or something?" "Are you seriously acting like you're the fuckin victim?!" "You have a sword pointed at me you psycho!" "You..." I stop to catch my breathe. "You raped me! You drugged me! You took my god damn eye!" "Yeah well your boyfriend shot me. I already got my comeuppance okay?!" 

I have to laugh at his words. "You... you think getting shot in the leg by someone who wasn't even me is equal to what you did to me?!" "I mean my doc says I'll never play basketball again! I was gonna play ball in one of the big ten schools! That's like, my whole future!" "You think not getting to play a fuckin game is equal to the lifelong trauma you gave me?! I... I've barely slept since what you did! I've lost half my vision! I had to drop out of school cause you got all your sick little fuckin friends to call me a liar! I've gotten threats against my life!" "Look, you and I know you're not lying, so what's it matter? Just, get over it Aaliyah."

I poke the sharp side of the sword right to his neck. Gabe slips on his own foot, falling to the ground and attempting to crawl away. "You're pathetic," I mutter. "You're fuckin pathetic. You act all tough but when push comes to shove you're nothing but a pathetic coward." "Aaliyah... oh god, Aaliyah I'm really sorry. I fucked up, I really did." "Fucked up? No you knew exactly what you were doing. 'Fucked up' means you made a mistake." "I did a horrible thing, okay?! It was really horrible and I knew what I was doing!" "I'm not falling for your bullshit Gabe. You don't feel an ounce of guilt. First thing you did when I knocked on your door was joke about what you did to me." "Please Aaliyah, I don't know what you want! Just... tell me, please! I... I'll admit it okay, I'll drop the suit, I'll admit what I did, I'll go to prison, just tell me what you want!" Gabe sobs, staring right at the blade pressed into his throat.

"I want justice Gabe. And you going to jail for a couple months isn't enough." I press my free hand to wipe off my face. "Please, I'll leave, I'll go to back the U.S, you... you'll never have to see me again! You won't have to think about it!" "That's the thing though. You see I haven't been able to get that disgusting smirk out of my head since that night. As long as you're still around, you'll still be in my head." "I'll do anything," Gabe sobs. "Please, please I don't wanna die. Think of what that would do to my parents, my sister..." "Oh you don't wanna die? And you think I did, when you had a knife to my throat for that whole drive? What about my mom huh? My sister?" "I'm sorry... I'm really sorry!" "No you're not. You'll never be." I twist my sword to have the sharp end of it poke him right in the neck. "If I let you live tonight, all you're gonna feel is sorry for yourself. Not me. Not anyone but you." I press the sword further into his throat, watching his blood trickle down his neck. "Way I see it, there's only one way for justice to be truly be served."

I finally thrust the sword right through his neck. Gabe gurgles as his airway is blocked by metal and blood. He chokes out pleas to let him live. I push the handle right up to the front of his neck, feeling warm blood fall down onto my hand.

His last gurgling, pathetic breathe sounds sounds like freedom. Like strength. Like I can finally sleep again at night.

———————-

I slowly take my steps up to the police station door. They'd find me eventually. I'm the one with the motive. The one with fingerprints on the sword. The one with red blood drying on my hands and coat and shoes. Eventually I'd be arrested. This way at least has dignity to it.

I push open the door with my clean hand. The officer at the desk doesn't look up with his computer. "Can I help you?" He speaks in a monotone voice. Other than him and me, the room is completely empty. Sterile, fluorescent light beams in the room. My heels click as I walk up to the desk. 

The sword clangs on the desk as I drop it from my hand. The officer finally looks up at the bloody sword. His wide open eyes meet mine with a semblance of fear. "Wha... did you..." His voice shakes. "Your system failed me. I got my own justice."

"Mi... Miss are you here to..." "I'm here to surrender myself. I'm not gonna be dragged anywhere in cuffs like my boyfriend was." I bring both my hands forward to the cop. "Arrest me." The cop slowly brings up a set of silver handcuffs, clicking them around my wrist, before standing up, calling for another officer on his radio. 

I don't care about prison. I don't care what anyone thinks of me. I'm free. I'm free of that son of a bitch living in my head with his sick, sadistic smirk.

That kid is right, in an odd way. Death is salvation. It's mine. I'm safe. Salvation feels like freedom.


	30. Not a Wonderland

Nicolette  
December 31st, 2014, 11:47am

Deadman Wonderland; what an odd name for a prison. I couldn't help but laugh a bit when I first heard it. It's absolutely massive. I didn't think it would be. I only ever visited the prison my brother was in once. It was more like a big, stone block. This place feels like some super villain's headquarters.

At least there's one person I know here. My brother was transferred here after he was sentenced. Don't really know why. Seems that this places has lately been a priority for transferring prisoners. Probably since this ones private. Can pay judges to put prisoners here. This is the only private prison in the entire country.

Other prisoners are already kinda scared of me, and I love it! People were scared of me at school, but it wasn't genuine fear. Just scared I'd be mean or something. But this is real fear! They honestly believe I'd kill them (which I would if not for being threatened with a week in solitary). I still haven't found Genkaku. Heard he got transferred here. I’ve hearing about him quite a bit. I haven’t heard his name, but I have been hearing about a teenage boy with a bindi on his head and blood red hair, preaching about Buddhism even in prison. I can’t imagine that could possibly be anyone else.

I soon hear my name across the room, and instantly I recognize who has called it. "Genkaku, is that you?" Finally! I can see him across the cafeteria, smiling as bright as the sun. He’s holding a lit cigarette in his right hand, despite the fact that he's only fourteen. I run to him and he picks me up off the ground. "Goddamn, you've grown," I exclaim. Genkaku laughs. "Yeah, I'm about 180 centimeters right now. Doctor says I'll probably stop around 190. I had a bit of a growth spurt since last time you saw me." He pats my head twice. If it wasn't him I'd definitely be annoyed. "You changed your hair! I love it," Genkaku continues. I got rid of my bangs and dyed two front stands blue before I went to the police chief. It's in a high pony tail today. "Thanks Genkaku, but don't get used to it. I gotta admit, I kinda miss my bangs."

He looks different in person than from behind thick bulletproof glass. His scars have mostly healed, but it seems he still can't completely curl his fingers. I don't think they healed correctly after they were broken. The last time I saw Genkaku in person, he was about 175 cm, but he's grown a lot since then. He's put on a slight bit of muscle. He'll probably be better able to defend himself. His hair is back to the length it was when we first met. He looks much more grown up now. I'll probably look this small forever. Maybe I can grow a few centimeters. Genkaku mentioned that I gained weight, and that he really likes it. I'm finally getting healthier. I can't see my ribcage anymore. I've mostly gained muscle. My legs and hips are bigger, as well as my arms, but not by much. 

I feel a sharp finger tap my shoulder, and turn around to see Shinagawa. "So," he says "this is your prison boyfriend huh?" "I'm in prison too. So are you. And he isn't my boyfriend." "He's why you're here." "He is not. I've made all my choices on my own." Genkaku grabs my wrist to ask for my attention. "Nicki, who is this?" "My brother." "Your brothers are dead." "He's my foster brother. I have two of them. He's just the one who got thrown into prison." 

Shinagawa rolls his eyes and goes back on his rant. "You better not try and convert my little sister to the insane thing you call your religion." "Shinagawa I've told you, I'm not religious." "I know that Nicole, I trust you. But he's clearly insane." "You're one to talk." "I just want him to stay away from you." "Oh my god, you act like I'm some helpless little kid!" Genkaku pretends to clear his throat. "Nicolette, freak, can you please stop talking about me like I'm not right fuckin’ here." "Nicole he called me a freak!" "Jesus Christ Shinagawa, what are you, five?" With that, Shinagawa just scoffs and walks away. "Isn’t he the guy who skinned 30 people and make clothes outta them?" Genkaku whispers to me "28, but yeah, that’s him." "Fuck, and he thinks I'm insane? What a dumbass!"


	31. First Meetings

Genkaku  
January 1st, 2015, 8:03am

The first thing I hear when I wake up is my cell door opening, and the clicking of dress shoes on concrete. I open my eyes and turn around to see a man in glasses and a gray suit with the dumbest hairstyle I've ever seen in my life. "Good morning. Genkaku Azuma, right?. Happy New Year," the man says in a fake polite voice. "Wha-... Who the fuck are you?” "I'm Promoter Tamaki, second in command of this prison. For now of course." "And what exactly do you want." "Why don't you come with me to my office, we'll discuss it there." The man waits outside my cell as I throw on my jumpsuit and shoes.

I follow him to a heavily armored elevator. It only goes to his office. Painted pink and covered in toys with multiple gaming systems. If I didn't know any better I'd swear it was his kid's bedroom. Shinagawa is sitting inside, attempting to solve a Rubix cube. "I'll be back in a few minutes, just have to find the others," Tamaki states with a smile. "Hey there jackass," Shinagawa snarls. "The fuck are you doing here? Did you snitch on me for sneaking into the girls' side?" "What? No! I didn't even know about that." A smile creeps onto his face. "But thanks for the info." Shit, why did I say that?! I should never tell anyone anything unless I know they know it.

"The fuck were you doing on the girls' side anyway? You don't target anyone." "Fucking your sister." The man jumps in surprise. "What?! She doesn't even like you! There's no fuckin way she'd sleep with you!" I laugh at his reaction. "No I didn't, I just went to talk to her. Just wanted to piss you off. But I have considered doing it in the future. I gotta make her my girlfriend first though." "I hate you." "Jealous?" "Fuck no! She's my sister! And unlike you, I actually have a girlfriend. She's just not in prison." I cross my arms smugly. "Yeah right, I'll believe it when I see it." 

Tamaki soon enters the room with a huge, tan, muscular man, at least 50 cm taller than me. Shinagawa jumps out of his seat. "Holy shit! Mozuri! You're here!" "Where else would I be?" "Mental hospital, nature reserve, I dunno."

Again, Tamaki brings in another prisoner, an average height black woman with an eyepatch and long braids. Shinagawa again reacts with joy. How the fuck does this guy know so many people in prison?! "A-Aaliyah?!" "Oh god! Babe I didn't know they sent you here!" He runs towards the woman and wraps his arms around her waist. "Wait, why are you here? You... please don't tell me you did something stupid because of me," He asks. "No, no it has nothing to do with you." "So what did you do to wind up here?" "I killed him. I'm free!" Shinagawa backs off his girlfriend. "Who? And what do you mean you're free, we're in prison." "Gabe! I killed Gabe! He can't get into my head anymore! I'm free of him!" Shinagawa shrugs, taking the woman into his arms again. "If you say so gorgeous. If you're happy, I'm happy."

The woman turns to me, taking my hands into of hers. "Thank you. I'm sorry, you don't know me, but you really helped me," she exclaims with joy. "Um... yeah we've never met, how could I have helped you?" I ask her. "You showed me what freedom can be." "How did I do that?" "I watched your trial. A lot of what you said, and what that blonde girl said made so much sense. You really helped me realize how justice can be served, even when everything else fails." I helped someone! I actually helped someone! I've never even spoke to her, but my words still got to her. I can't help but smile, even as her boyfriend scowls at me.

Finally, Tamaki brings in someone I recognize. Nicolette walks over. She brings her arms up around my shoulders, as I wrap my arms around her waist. "Good to see you again Genkaku. Any idea what we're doing here?" she asks. "No worries Miss. Vedmid, none of them do," Tamaki answers for me. "Why don't I tell you, since you're all finally here." 

The man takes the chair at his desk and proceeds to brief us on the situation. "You five have sort of become celebrities in the past year. You are a group of people who have been stated as "hopeless" for rehabilitation." "Hold on," Nicolette chimes in. "I was only arrested a week ago. How can they already say that?" "Miss. Vedmid, I overheard you telling Genkaku that you had killed the chief of police and that you wished you'd killed more." "I do." "So you see what I mean?" "No, I don't." The man sighs, before continuing. 

"You five are not only ruthless, insane, uncaring individuals, but you all show an amount of athletic ability that could prove useful to me. And I understand a few of you know each other, right?" A few nod. I only know one person here, what the hell?! How have all these four have met?! "Okay, Tamaki was it," Shinagawa says. "Can you please just skip to the point. I don't wanna be here any longer than I have to." The man before us frowns. "Of course, just stop interrupting me, and we'll get done a lot quicker." Shinagawa rolls his eyes.

"Do you five know why the prison has it's name?" Nicolette raises her hand. "Yes Miss. Vedmid, this isn't middle school. You don't need to raise your hand." "You're building an amusement park around the prison. Is that why?" "Sort of. You're the daughter of Demitri Vedmid, correct?" "Yes," Nicole mumbles. "Have you ever known what TZD was doing?" "They made medicine and medical equipment and jacked up the prices like crazy." "That, yes. But I was talking about it's experiments. You know, on animals. And people." "Of course I knew that. Human experimentation was one of the last things I saw the day of the earthquake" "So, perhaps you'll have some knowledge as to what I'm talking about." God damn, I knew Demitri was bad, but not bad enough to experiment on humans and animals. The more I hear about him, the more I'm happy he's dead.

The man leans back and crosses his legs. "Let's see, how do I explain this..." He thinks for a few seconds before giving an explanation. "The Undertakers are, well, you five. I've talked to a few other groups. Whichever one survives will be special guards of the Deadmen. We want the best of the best after all. But that doesn't mean you're protecting them. You're protecting everyone else from them." "So does that mean they're dangerous?" Aaliyah asks. "Very. Nothing you won't be able to handle." "Okay," I start. "What the hell exactly are they?" "Humans who have ingested the nameless worm virus, something TZD was working on before the earthquake. All we know so far about them is that they have a unique ability to control their blood." "Like blood bending in Avatar?" Shinagawa asks. "No. They use their own blood outside their body." "So... do we get to kill them?" I smile. "Of course, if they try to escape or threaten guards or something like that. Torture as well, if they deserve it." "Torture's not my thing. I want to save people." "Well, knowing your definition of salvation, all I can say is that you'll get to do plenty of that."

Tamaki stands up, and looks to his window. "I'll start training all of you next week, as well as the other forty-five people, all groups of five, competing. We want the best of the worst after all, if you know what I mean. Now, all of you can go back to your cells." Everyone gets up, and gets onto the elevator. Mozuri taps Shinagawa's shoulder and asks if he can help him find cell B27. "How do you not know where your cell is?" Nicolette asks, somewhat cold. "Nicole, he's blind." Shinagawa answers. "Hey Genkaku," he says. "Remember when you said you wouldn't believe I had a girlfriend till you saw her." He grabs Aaliyah's waist, pulling her close to him. "Right here! Suck it jackass!" Aaliyah just rolls her eye. "Yeah okay Shinagawa, I don't care. Just leave me alone." I take out a cigarette to light up, but Shinagawa quickly takes it. "I'm asthmatic. And you're only fourteen. Also it isn't safe to smoke in an elevator." "What are you my dad?" "Nope. Just the only responsible adult around here it seems." "Adult? You're what, eighteen? How old is... Mozuri is it?" Mozuri nods his head without a word. "Good question. I think the police thought he was born in like, 1990. So... like 25." "He's more of an adult that you are." "Mozuri do you think you're responsible?" Shinagawa asks. "Yeah actually I do. This is kind of insulting," the giant responds. "Okay, well shit, I'm sorry. Okay. Two responsible adults, but it's not you," Shinagawa says to me. "Oh my god, shut the fuck up,” Aaliyah finally pipes up. Shinagawa doesn't say another word. The rest of the ride down the elevator is silent.


	32. In Training

Shinagawa  
February 14th, 2015, 6:27pm

We've been training for a bit over a month now. There are only twenty of us left. When one person from a squad dies, or gets cut, the rest of their "team" gets cut as well. Usually just means they go back to Wonderland.

We've been at this military camp in Tokyo that was decommissioned after the earthquake. It was just too close to the epicenter. Other than that, don't see what's wrong with it. Maybe that's just me. I don't know much about, I don't know, military shit. Maybe Aaliyah does. I guess her mom was in the military. She might know something. 

It's definitely been interesting so far. I've never shared a room with anyone. Well, my sister, but we haven’t since we were about ten. In some cases I wish we still were when mom’s boyfriend moved in. She would've maybe been safer with her twin brother there. But yeah, it's odd while I'm an adult. Especially since it's co-ed. There are two bunk-beds, and one double size for Mozuri, since he's a lot bigger than all the other Undertakers in training. The girls sleep on the bunk beds, Genkaku and I have the others. It would be nice to have a bed to share with my girlfriend, but Tamaki didn't really consider that we're dating when this space was set up. At the least I can face her when we sleep.

Training in some ways has been almost fun. Nicolette and Mozuri are the only ones of us who had any idea how to fight before this point. Nicolette even knows some Russian martial arts, Systema, I think it's called. She's taught me a bit. Since we're both thin but flexible people, we'd probably mainly use the same technique. She's taught a bit to Genkaku too. Mainly kick and dodging techniques. Aaliyah used to be a cheerleader so she's pretty flexible her self. Nicolette is trying to teach her some quick thinking movements, since they'll likely use similar weapons. Nicolette is ambidextrous, so she's asked Tamaki if it would be a good idea for her to use twin weapons. She wants to use twin Shashka swords. An old Russian weapon that can be used as doubles. 

In some parts training is... I don't know how to describe it as anything other than horrific. None of the actual drugs that will genuinely change us have been used yet. Wonderland doesn't wanna waste time or money on it for Undertakers that won't be used. But they do wanna know that if we are fully trained, we'll be able to "handle it". Instead we've been given hallucinogenic drugs while in a bad mental state. Pretty much to make sure we don't, i dunno, die or something, or completely entirely snap. 

It's still terrifying. Seeing and hearing and having to face the most traumatic memories of our lives. Doesn't seem to do much of anything for Mozuri. Maybe he's hearing things, he seems to sometimes turn to random directions, as if there's sound coming from that direction. Nicolette seems to just be tense. She cries sometimes, tries to cover her face with her arms from nothing. Aaliyah sometimes will freeze up, grips onto my hand to ground herself. I think she's been the best at handling herself. Maybe since I'm there to help her cope. Genkaku is probably doing the worst. He already has to deal with hearing things, seeing things that aren't there. At this point it seems pretty obvious that Genkaku is schizophrenic. But he isn't coping well with whatever he sees or hears of feels. He freezes up sometimes, then moves on to sobbing. He’s thrown up a few times. I think I know what he's seeing. I don't think I should ever be the person to speak to him about it. To be fair, I don't speak much to Genkaku at all.

I know what I see. I hate it. It's not always the worst of it. Sometimes just hearing what I used to hear when my moms boyfriend would hit her and scream at her. Sometimes it's being alone, lost in the mountains in the middle of the night with the feeling that I'm going to die. Sometimes... I don't think about it if a don't have to. I have flashbacks of being on the drug sometimes. Like I can hear her voice, still asking me why I didn't protect her. 

Nicolette's heart hasn't been keeping up as well. With the drugs, the drinking, the smoking. She's been growing too. Not really getting taller. I think she started puberty a little late. She turned sixteen today. She's still so small. I don't think she'll ever grow up to be even average height. But her heart hasn't been doing as well with it all. It slows sometimes, leading to her sometimes have to sit down or pass out. I studied to be a cardiologist. I don't know, maybe her transplanted heart didn't fully grow with her. Hopefully she won't need another transplant.

I think Mozuri’s just glad to be back in the woods. I’ve never really felt, well entirely safe here. It’s not like it’s the same forest or anything. But once it gets dark out it feels like it may as well be. It’s February, so it gets dark out pretty quickly. At least Aaliyah’s here. I don’t think I’m afraid of the dark. I mean, I’m eighteen years old. Maybe it’s just the dense forest. We’re usually back to eat by 18:00, then we have some time to ourselves. Genkaku will normally paint or read. Nicolette usually practices her dancing or violin. Mozuri usually goes on a hike or something. He asks me to come along sometimes, but I’m usually not in the mood. I almost feel bad for it, ignoring him to hang out with my girlfriend. To be fair he doesn’t seem to care too much. Doesn’t care for people all that much, probably happy to be alone for a bit.

So, I normally hang around Aaliyah. Definitely a change of pace from what I’m used to, y’know being alone constantly. I’ve gotten pretty used to people being dead terrified of me those few months in prison. Honestly felt I should be more afraid of them than they were of me. I know what I did but without a knife of anything I’m pretty useless. Most of the people there were fully grown men. I’m just a teenager with asthma and elhers-danlos syndrome. The fact that Tamaki thinks I could ever be a fighter honestly feels crazy. I guess I’ve been able to lately, been able to use my agility and flexibility to an advantage. 

Tamaki wants us to be super humans, just like the Deadmen are. Maybe with that can be a higher pain tolerance, something to help with my hyper mobility. Anything like that would be great. I know there’s some like, brain stuff too. Talked about trying to remove or at least dampen our empathy. I don’t have much to begin with so. Doubt I have any. Obviously I still feel love and stuff to some degree. With Aaliyah, my siblings. But not empathy. Aaliyah’s cried to me before, but I’ve never felt what she’s felt. Just been around to hold her and let her vent. 

What is empathy anyway? I mean if I know someone with it they’ve never described it to me. I think I’ve read something about it being like, feeling what people around are feeling. Aaliyah doesn’t have ASPD or anything. She probably has empathy. I think maybe Genkaku does. Nicolette said while testifying that he was really compassionate and caring. That probably takes empathy. I wouldn’t be surprised if it got wrenched out of him. If it hasn’t been already, it will be. 

Maybe I’m biased but I feel like we’re the best candidates so far. Tamaki said he did unintentionally give us one advantage that no other team has. None of the others are as physically or mentally balanced as we are. Some are entirely focused on strength without an ounce of flexibility or actual strategy. Some are top weapon focused, but they’d all be completely useless without them. 

With us there’s some balance. Aaliyah and I are definitely book smart, and we could actually plan and strategize. I know for an absolute fact Mozuri could crush someone’s skull with just one hand, so he doesn’t have to be as reliant on his weapon. Nicolette and I are both incredibly flexible, with martial arts training on top of it. Genkaku is, well, I guess he’s pretty unhinged. For now he’s more reliant on weapons to fight, but he’s been working on his strength and techniques. Genkaku isn’t a plan guy but he’s unhinged enough to the point where you know he’ll probably to something horrible to you if you disobey him. Tamaki still hasn’t decided on things like, I don’t know military ranks. Seems that he likes the type to rush into things and do whatever they want to in the moment. I swear if Genkaku ends up leading us, I sure as fuck am not going along with it.


	33. Belief

Genkaku  
March 24th, 2015, 7:55am

"Genkaku, wake up already. We're gonna be late," Nicolette says, shaking me awake. "Late for what?" I groan. "We have a meeting. Remember?" "No. Meeting for what?" 

"The last group got eliminated last night. We're meeting with Tamaki to see where we go from here," Aaliyah answers for Nicolette. I sit up at the edge of my bed and pick up my hairbrush. I brush my hair out quickly before throwing it into a low pony tail. Nicolette shakes her head. "What?" I ask. "Put it in a top knot. We have to dress professionally today," she commands. "Why?" "We're not doing any training stuff today. Just, try to look good."

I walk out to the bathroom to use the mirror. Nicolette keeps some hair care stuff in her drawer. I open it to find pins and hair gel. I think the last time I had to do any of this was... oh wait, I've never done this. When I did have my hair long I always just threw it up into a hair tie. 

"Hey Nic," I yell out the door. "What?" She groans. "How do I put my hair up?" Nicolette walks to the mirror where I'm standing. "How do you not know how to do your own hair?" She asks. "Never had to. You must not have at some point." "I was taught pretty early. I had to be able to put it in a bun for practices even as a little kid." "Well can you show me."

Nicolette rolls her eyes. "It's easy. Just, start combing it back from your hairline. Gather it all into a hair tie." I do as Nicole says, using one her small black hair ties. "You don't have hair that can be put into a donut or twisted like mine, so you'd probably wanna try... Ugh, I don't know how to describe it. Just sit down, I'll do it." I sit down on my feet. Nicolette grabs a black ribbon from the drawer. I can't see what she's doing, but I can't feel her hands on the back of my head. "Stand up," she says after a few seconds. I stand up to see in the mirror that she's tied the ribbon around my hair, making a tight top knot. Nicolette hands me back my comb and her hair gel. "Just gel down the fly away hairs and you'll be good." "Thanks Nic." Nicolette nods before turning to the mirror to apply her eyeliner. I grab mine but Nicolette shakes her head. "Why can't I wear some?" I ask. "I'm doing mini wings. You just put it around your eyes. It doesn't look professional." I roll my eyes, putting my eyeliner back in my drawer.

Everyone else is already dressed. Seeing Mozuri in a suit feels odd. He definitely had to have it custom made. Aaliyah has on a green pencil dress with a brown belt around it. Her coily hair is pulled back into a large bun. Shinagawa hasn't done anything but throw on a suit. He has half his head shaved. I wouldn't call it professional, but I also can't think of a way to make it look professional.

I put on my red dress shirt and a black suit. Nicolette soon walks out of the bathroom with a full face of makeup done. She’s wearing light blue lipgloss, a light blue dress shirt, a black cropped suit jacket, a black pencil skirt, and a pair of black pumps with bows on the fronts . “Alright, lets go. There's a car waiting," Nicolette says, smoothing our her skirt. "Nicole how are you the first one up but the last one ready?" Shinagawa asks. "It takes time to look good," Nicolette responds. "Yeah right, Aaliyah had more to do than you. You're just slow." "Whatever, let's go."

———————-

Tamaki is on his phone when we get to his office. He motions us to sit down at the board table when we get there. He stays on the phone a while after, before slamming down the receiver. "Bad news?" Shinagawa asks rhetorically. "Yeah, like you wouldn't fucking believe," Tamaki replies.

"So, you're my last five? I guess in a few ways I'm surprised, considering most of you are teenagers," Tamaki states, waking to the end chair of the board table and taking a seat. "There's just a tad bit of an issue: The mental and chemical training is much harder to keep under wraps. With the military training, we were able to disguise it as cleanup work." "Why can't you disguise this as, I don't know, experimental treatment?" Nicolette asks. "For starters, treatment for what? None of you share any physical or mental ailments. Not to mention performing chemical experiments on even prisoners is illegal," Tamaki groans in frustration. "The government here has some obvious corruption, I've been able to use that to my advantage so far, but there are some things they won't overlook in this country."

"So, go to a different country," Aaliyah pipes up. "I mean, obviously the world is filled with corruption. Just find one where they couldn't care less about prisoner treatment." Tamaki looks up to her. "That... could work. The issue is, I mean it's not like we have any specific place to go." Nicolette raises her hand. Tamaki points to her, gesturing her to speak. "I own some private property in Russia, as well as quite a bit of inheritance money. If we went there we wouldn't even be subject to something like inspection." A curious smile spreads over the Promoter's face. "Russia could be a solution Miss Vedmid. We could likely even cover up that you're even prisoners, if we get the right person here in Japan to overlook it and allow us to book tickets for a flight," Tamaki exclaims. "We wouldn't need tickets. My father had a jet over there. We could have it transferred here to pick us up, and then fly back to Moscow," Nicolette says in response.

Tamaki slides back in his chair, mulling it over. "What kind of property is this? One of your father's office buildings?" Tamaki I asks. "It's our summer home. Relatively new too. Built in, I think 2012. There would be plenty of space for whatever training or experimental treatments needed," Nicole answers. "So a mansion I'd guess? And there's space for six people?" "It's a five bedroom. Who's this sixth person?" "Doctor Rei Takashima. She'll be overseeing everything, I have to stay and run the prison." "Shinagawa and I can probably stay in the same room," Aaliyah speaks up. "There'd be room for five then."

Tamaki mulls it over once more. "Give me a week. I'll talk to the senator I've been paying to look over everything during your training. We'll make sure this is something that can be ignored. There are only five of you, so that'll be much easier to overlook than fifty." Tamaki stands up to walk back to his desk. "You're all free to leave. Head back to camp, I'll let you know when I figure something out." The rest of us all stand to leave, walking to the door. "Oh, before I forget," Tamaki says. "Happy fifteenth birthday Genkaku." "Oh, thanks. See ya." 

"Genkaku, it's your birthday? Why didn't you say anything?" Aaliyah asks. I shrug. "Doesn't matter much to me." "I knew you were an Aries! I knew it!" The woman exclaims. "Seriously, you knew it?" Shinagawa retorts. "It's all there in his personality. Creative, passionate, moody, impulsive. It's obvious." "That's just how he is, doesn't have anything to do with his birthday." "No its makes sense for you, and me, and Nicki. Like, you're a Scorpio and all those traits are there. You're resourceful, and stubborn, and violent, and secretive." "Hey..." "And Nicolette is an Aquarius, and she's very independent, tech orientated, cold, temperamental." Nicolette looks over to Aaliyah with a slight bit of annoyance. "You can't say that isn't true blondie," I point out. "And I'm a Gemini and I mean I think I'm learn things pretty well, and I'm able to adapt, and I mean you probably think I'm pretty affectionate," Aaliyah starts again. "Alright Aali, if you really think you can know stuff like that from someone's birthday, when was Mozuri born?" Shinagawa scoffs. Aaliyah thinks about it to herself for a moment. "I think Taurus makes sense. I mean he would've had to have been born during a warmer month to have survived being thrown out in the wilderness." "So when is that?" Mozuri asks. "Sometime from the twentieth of April to the twentieth of May. You have the traits too. Like, you're reliable and stable, and patient." Shinagawa rolls his eyes. "You know I'm not a dick to you about what you believe," Aaliyah points out. "I don't believe in anything," Shinagawa responds. "Never have, never will. Makes life make more sense."

"How does that make more sense?" I ask. "Some of the things that happen, it makes more sense for fate to play a role in." "Yeah, well if fate played a roll in everything that's happened to you, then you must really hate the universe for the cards you've been dealt." "No, I'm where I need to be. I've learned the path to enlightenment and salvation. I may have had to learn in a difficult way but-" "My god, you're not enlightened Genkaku, you're insane." "And what's so wrong with that? Would you say you aren't?" "Yeah, cause I know what I did doesn't have a justification, and it doesn't need one. What you and Nicolette and Aaliyah did is different. Fate didn't play any role in what I've done." "You're here aren't you?" "What does that have to do with anything?" "I mean, you're with Aaliyah. Doesn't that seem too good to be true?" "Yeah, well that's got different reasons. Look, this isn't fate, or destiny, or gods playing the Sims with our lives. The world is chaotic, and what happens happens. Cause if some gods had something to do with my life and what I've seen, then I sure have a bone to pick with them."


	34. Tokyo to Moscow

Mozuri  
March 29, 2015, 1:31am

I've never been on a plane before. Neither has Shinagawa or Genkaku. Aaliyah told me she's taken a few, one to Japan, all the other ones to New York City. Nicolette says she's been on this one more times than she can remember.

I don't know if I trust them all yet. Shinagawa, obviously I trust, since I've known him since he was a kid. Nicolette I knew briefly, but she did almost shoot me when we first met. Aaliyah seems alright. Shinagawa trust's her. I guess I should too. Azuma is just weird. 

I can kind of see them. Just, colors pretty much. I mean I'm not completely blind. Just have bad enough vision to the point where everything is completely blurred even if it's close to me. Genkaku is the easiest to see, with that bloody red hair. Rei is too. It helps that she likes to wear bold colors.

Nicolette owns two planes apparently. One is for short flights. We didn't take that one but she says it has just regular chairs instead of the beds this one has. This is a seventeen hour flight. 

Aaliyah, Shinagawa, Rei, and Nicolette are all asleep. I think Nicolette actually passed out. She was standing up to grab a drink and she fell over. Was a bit startling. Would've been much scarier if this wasn't something that happens all the time. Shinagawa says something is wrong with her heart. It's too small for her, and she'll either need a pacemaker or a new heart. 

Genkaku is on his phone. He told me he's reading something. Rei wants me to learn to read Braille. I personally don't see the point to it. I don't feel like I'm missing anything but not reading. I know how to use text to speech on my iPad, and the buttons for calls are color coded so I can see them. 

Rei is definitely my least favorite person here. There's something just so off about her. The way she speaks, how she seems to enjoy injecting things into us and cutting us up. She seemed almost excited when Nicolette found out something was wrong with her heart. Said playing around with one of her organs sounded like fun. 

I'm trying to learn dynamics with all of us. Aaliyah and Shinagawa told me that they're "dating". I still can't really grasp how they described it. I think Genkaku wants to "date" Nicolette. He seems almost obsessed with her. Once we were talking and he said they "were meant to be". I can't tell what he meant by that. He stares at her a lot, touches her. She usually pulls away from him. Shinagawa called her "tsundere" once. He told me that it just means that she acts very cold and has a temper even though Aaliyah says she can tell she might "like" Genkaku back. Genkaku seems to think she does. 

People here do try to talk to me. Genkaku says he actually likes to, since I'm usually just willing to listen for a bit. Aaliyah is much more open and friendly than the others. Tries to explain things to me or just talk for a bit. Genkaku says it's cause she's starved for social interaction. She used to be a big party girl and was able to talk to as many people as she wanted to. Shinagawa is the opposite. Even though he did go to parties, he only did it to find victims. He told me he hates people and will do almost anything to avoid them. I guess I just don't care either way. I never saw a person until I was... maybe twelve. Scared the hell out of me. 

——————

I open my eyes to hear a loudspeaker, speaking words in a language I don't speak. Everyone else is awake. Nicolette is standing with Aaliyah. She seems like she's struggling a bit with walking. "Nicki, are you sure you don't want a wheelchair?" Aaliyah asks. "I... I'm fine," Nicolette was says in a weak, quiet voice. "I can get you one," Aaliyah says. Nicolette says nothing. Aaliyah walks to the back of the plane, soon walking back with a large black object. She motions Nicolette to sit down, before pushing it towards the door. Conversations usually happen behind me, or without me while I'm there. I'm used to it. 

——————

After maybe an hour, the van we're in stops at a massive, white and black building. There's greenery all over the place, but it feels too clean and fake. The shapes of the trees and bushes are all the same blur of color to the point where I'm sure they're all identical. 

Genkaku is the one to push open the front doors. Rei stops every one of us in the foyer. "Well, Nicolette, I think you've made a good choice on location for all this. We'll be here for the next, I suppose two or so years." "Two years?!" Aaliyah exclaims. "Yes, until the containment site for the Deadmen is complete. Not to mention there is a lot of physical, mental, and chemical training to undergo. Nicolette, something has to be done about your heart."

Rei stops herself. I hear the click of a lighter. I Guess she's having a cigarette. "The Deadmen are superhumans. You all, despite athletic ability, are not. Well, Mozuri maybe. In order to actually defeat Deadmen in combative situations." "So, what does that look like for us?" Shinagawa asks. "Well, obviously the human brain has limits. It's pretty much to keep you from hurting yourself, remind you to sleep, to not overwork yourself. That limiter, through well, drugs, exposure training, etc. Can be removed." Rei snuffs her cigarette on her coat. "We can also build up a pain tolerance. Though, you all seem to have quite a strong one. Most of you still have empathy to an extent. We can, well try to remove that. That's what Tamaki wants anyway." "Why remove our empathy?" Aaliyah asks. "You've killed someone right Aaliyah?" Aaliyah doesn't say anything, but her head moves up and then down. "Did they cry?" "Yes." "Did their crying force you to hesitate." Aaliyah is quiet for a moment. "To an extent. I thought about his mom and his sister for a moment. But then I remembered everything he did. How he hurt me without giving a single fuck about how I'd be affected." "Empathy will force you to hesitate on you actions. Hesitate too long, with the wrong person, and things could go south. Thus, we remove at least one possibility for hesitation."

"Anything else?" Genkaky asks. "Oh plenty dear, I've barely started. Genkaku, you know you're as weak as a kitten right?" Rei asks rhetorically. "Hey I wouldn't say that." "Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating. But have you ever punched a hole clear through a wall?" "I wouldn't want to." "You should. I want you all to be able to crack skulls with your bare hands by the time we're done. All but one of you are too reliant on your weapons. If you lose them, you're completely screwed. Enhanced strength is possible through things like weight training, but we can also remove certain mental limitations. Other than that, things like being able to go longer time periods without oxygen, ability to withstand extreme temperatures; I see it as pointless but we don't really know what we're dealing with here when it comes to the Deadmen."

Nicolette is slumped over again. Aaliyah shakes her awake. "Nicki, hey wake up girly. It's not that boring," Aaliyah jokes. Nicolette slowly opens her blue eyes. "Wha... sorry. I'm tired." Rei places her fingertips on Nicolette's wrist. "Nicolette, like I said. We've gotta do something with you're heart sooner than later. You absolutely cannot fall asleep in a fight." "I know." "I don't think you really need a transplant. I don't like the idea of a pacemaker, they're too weak. I'll begin working on something for you tomorrow." "Okay."

Rei stands back up to face the group. "Speaking on tomorrow, all of you will be doing a virtual meet with Wonderland's psychiatrist. Only Genkaku and Nicolette have ever seen one, and its becoming much more obvious that Genkaku has schizophrenia that still has to be diagnosed. If we know what's going on in your heads, we can either treat it, or use it to our advantage." Rei gestures her hand forward. "You can all go now. Explore, pick out your rooms, I don't care. Try to get some sleep tonight and get used to the time difference."


	35. Psychiatry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is long as fuck so just letting you know you won’t be missing all that much plot wise if you skip it or skip parts of it.

Manami Hayashi  
March 30th, 2015, 8:00am

Shinagawa Dokoku is my first case. I know exactly what he did and I have to try and get it out of my head before I speak to him. I couldn't look at him otherwise. I speak to a lot of people who have done absolutely horrendous things but... I just shouldn't think about it. The camera turns on. He looks already bored. "Good morning Mr. Dokoku." "Morning." "How's your first day in Russia been?" The man shrugs. 

"So, I know exactly what you did so that's not anything you'd have to explain to me, but obviously it's led me to question a case of Anti-social personality disorder." "Yeah, that wouldn't be surprising," Shinagawa responds in a monotone voice. "Can you tell me about how you feel about relationships you've had with other people?" "Be more specific." "Let's start with family I suppose. With your parents, siblings."

Shinagawa sighs in annoyance. "Do you mean before or after I went into foster care?" "Let's start with before." "Okay well, don't know my dad. My mom was... just fucking horrible." "How so?" "Beat us and screamed at us and neglected us. When my sister was raped she called her a liar. She was alright sometimes, but rarely." "So you had an abusive and neglectful childhood?" "Yup." "You don't seem very bothered by this?" He shrugs. "It's all I ever knew." 

"You said you never knew your father. Did you have any grandparents or a step-father to serve as a father figure?" "Never in my life would I consider that sorry excuse for a human a father figure. Sorry, I meant my mom's boyfriend." "How did he affect your life?" "Well he raped my sister, left me in the woods to die when I was like, twelve, killed my mom and sister. So yeah, I guess he affected my life," Shinagawa shoots back. "There's no reason to get defensive. So you're sister and mother aren't around anymore? Do you know about him?" "Executed. Serves him right." "How do you feel about his execution." "Sure wish I'd done it."

I scribble down the more violent remark. "Were you and your sister close?" "Close as twins usually are I guess." "So this was not just your sister, you were twins. You've always been together." "Yeah." "And she's gone now?" Shinagawa nods. "How do you feel about that?" "I feel like I should take a shot every time you say that." "Answer the question please."

He stays quiet for a few moments before finally speaking. "Angry I guess." "How so?" "Cause I should've been there! I should've been able to do something." "So your sister's death makes you angry?" "Yeah." "And you feel as though you wanted to be the one to kill the man who murdered her." He nods. "So you're response to all of this is to react violently." "I guess."

"Tell me about your foster family." I note down his last few responses as I wait for an answer. "A lot of kids coming and going. Some a few months, a year. They usually ended up moving." "Was there a reason for that?" "Just, foster care things I guess. I managed to stay from the time I was like, twelve and a half to the time I was eighteen. My foster mom was a saint I swear." "So you did form a bond with your foster mother." "Yeah. She hates me now. I know it. She said at my trial that she thought of me like a son. Said she felt betrayed." "So you believe she resents you now?" "I know she resents me." "What are your thoughts on that? That someone who loved and trusted you was hurt so much by your actions." "I don't see how that's my problem." "So even though you really, truly hurt someone who loved and cared for you, you don't care?" "Pretty much."

"Did you ever bond with any of your foster siblings?" "Most of em left too quickly. I only ever thought of three as well, my siblings. Maybe it's cause they were the last group I was ever with." "And who was all in that group?" "Umm, two sisters, one brother aside from me. One of em you're actually meeting today, Nicolette." "How old were they?" "Rokuro was eleven, Karako was thirteen, Nicolette when she first got there was fifteen." "So you're the oldest. Did you actually form relationships with any of em." He shrugs. "Rokuro was... he was alright I guess. Just so quiet. I got to kind of act like an older brother to him I guess. Karako and I both lost twin siblings. For her it might've hit worse, since they were identical. We talked a bit about all that. Nicki and I already kind of knew each other. Her I just kinda worry about since I actually saw what happened to her."

"How about romantic relationships? Have you ever been able to form those?" "I'm in a relationship right now. And I had one in high school that... well that sucked." "Why was that one difficult?" "Cause it was all lies. She went out with me as a joke." "How old were you?" "I was... fourteen I think. After her I killed my first. Wasn't her though. Just some random girl on the street." "Were you hurt by the fact that she did this all as a joke?" "Obviously. This time I wasn't angry though just..." "Sad?" He's silent. "You're allowed to be sad about things you know." He shrugs. 

"You're current relationship, how is that going for you?" "Great. It... honestly feels too good to be true. A gorgeous girl like her going out with a guy like me." Shinagawa actually smiles. "That's great! How do you feel about her?" "She's absolutely perfect! We have stupid little arguments every now and then but that's it. She's one of the few people that I actually wanna be around." "Would you consider this a healthy relationship?" "Of course. Would you?" "If the worst of everything is arguments, I probably would. Tell me, do you feel empathy for her." "Not one bit. I love her and I wanna be around her, but when she cries about her past, it doesn't make me sad. I still try to be there for her, but I don't feel what she's feeling." "I see. That was a very blunt answer. Does she know this?" "Yup, I've told her." "Did she seem hurt?" "Maybe. I think she knows I love her and she loves me. I'm just not an empathetic person. Ask her I guess." I go over my chart once more. I know his history. He's violent, he feels not a single ounce of guilt for the horrendous things he's done, he doesn't care if he hurts people. 

"So, Shinagawa, based on, just all these factors, the violent impulses, the clear lack of any empathy of guilt, the hostile tendencies, I think you know how I'd have to diagnose you." "Yeah, yeah I'm a sociopath." "No, you're not a sociopath. You seem to be able to form lasting relationships. You care about at least a few people very deeply, even though you can't feel what they feel. You have Anti-social personality disorder." "Alright, cool, thanks." "Wha- that's all?" He raises a brow in confusion. "What else am I supposed to say?" "Nothing," I sigh. "You know what, nothing. I guess you're treatment or lack of is to be decided by Dr. Takashima. Go get Mozuri Gazuchi. He's next."

——————

"Good morning Mr. Gazuchi." "Hey." "Why don't we begin right away." I don't think I could meet a single one of these people in person. This man... we all heard the legends as children of the massive man in the mountains who ate people. "I know what you've done, but I have no idea why. So let's start with that," I begin. "Ask away." "Well, why did you do it?" "Kill and eat people?" "Y... yes that." "Humans are just animals. Who cares?" "Yes but these were young men, who would've been around your age at the time." "So?" "Well they had families who grieved them. They had lives that you ended short. And you don't feel remorse?" "It's just survival. That's all it is."

"So, your feelings towards violence is... just apathy?" "I wouldn't even consider it violent. Do you think when a bear eats a rabbit, it's violent?" "So you don't feel anything about... just everything you did." "I lived didn't I?" 

I go over the DSM-V list for Schizoid Personality Disorder. With him being completely uncaring, apathetic, it's what's on my head right now. "Do you consider the people you live with to be friends?" "Maybe Shinagawa. Mostly just, they're, what's the word? Coworkers, roommates." "So one close friend. Do you like when people tell you you're doing well at say, your military training?" "I don't care. I do what's expected of me." "How about sexual or romantic relationships?" "I don't want a kid." "That wasn't what I was asking." "That's what sex is for right?" "I mean, yes in some ways, but it's also just something most people feel that they want just for enjoyment or being with another person." "Yeah, well that's not me."

"So you feel completely indifferent towards, violence, praise, social interactions, sex, romance?" "Yeah pretty much." "Can you recall any memories that bring strong emotions?" He thinks for a moment. "Nope, not really. I didn't like being locked up in a cage, but I kinda just don't worry about it."

"So, I think this is almost textbook Schizoid personality disorder." "I don't hear things like Genkaku does." "No, this has nothing to do with schizophrenia. You seem to feel completely indifferent to... just about everything. You've only ever made one close relationships in your whole life, and you don't seem to care for anymore." "Okay." A similar reaction to Shinagawa. I guess it's to be expected. "I... I guess go get Genkaku Azuma." "Alright." 

I can't help but shudder after the man leaves. He could crush my skull like it was a piece of paper and never think twice about it. It's almost scarier than the people who would do it with a laugh. Death and violence don't mean a single thing to him.

——————

Genkaku Azuma has been diagnosed with bipolar one disorder and rape trauma syndrome. Rei told me that schizophrenia was suspected, but never diagnosed due to his age. For him I'd suspect him to have another personality disorder.

Genkaku sits down with a lit cigarette between his fingers. Isn't this boy like, fifteen? "Genkaku, how old are you?" The boy rolls his eyes and snuffs out the cigarette. I guess he figured out what I was trying to tell him to do. "Alright Genkaku, lets talk relationships." "What kind?" "Your friends maybe. Do you have friends?" "Of course I do. There’s Aaliyah and... that might be bout it.” “You consider her to be a friend? How about your fellow Undertakers." "Shinagawa I think hates me. Mozuri doesn't seem to feel any way about me. Nicolette well..." 

The boy smiles as a slight bit of red coating his face. For a mass murderer, this kid is almost cute. "How do you feel about her?" "Fuck, where to begin." "Do you want a romantic relationship with her?" "I need her. And she needs me. She just doesn't know it yet." Okay, this went from a teenage crush to me wondering if he's stalking this girl very quickly. "Why do you think you need her?" "We're meant to be. A girl who holds death so close to herself, as a sense of strength and justice and salvation; she's meant for me." "What would you like about a romantic relationship?" "I just want her to be mine! I guess, what anyone would want in a relationship, I just want to share our miserable lives together, to always be with each other, to be close." "Do you feel some possessiveness over her?" "What's so wrong with that?" Quite a bit but it's not my job to pass judgement. "How about sex? Do you want a sexual relationship with her?" The boy nods enthusiastically with a bright smile. I won't ask further I guess. 

So he's able to form friendly relationships, and possibly romantic ones. I know his family history. I won't ask that. So, probably not ASPD. He comes off as too much of an extrovert for that. 

I probably should ask him about schizophrenia. I'll start with negative symptoms first. "You called life miserable earlier. Is there anything in life you enjoy?" The boy shrugs. "Music obviously. I play electric guitar. Kind of been trying to get back into my hobbies lately. Oh, painting too!" "So you do have things like hobbies that you enjoy. Do you ever have any difficulty with everyday life?" "I don't know what you mean by that." "Like, is it sometimes difficult for you to remember to eat or shower? Just, you know basically taking care of yourself?" "When I was training that stuff was all scheduled." "So you wouldn't really know?" "Guess not." "How about follow through? Are there any tasks that you start or don't finish? Or even projects like, I suppose your music or a painting." Genkaku actually thinks before answering this time. "If I get bored with it. Or sometimes I'll have an idea for something else and move on to the next thing. Nicolette does it too." "This isn't about Nicolette, Genkaku." 

I write down the symptoms he's presenting. At the moment he isn't struggling with speaking. He doesn't seem to have anhedonia. Right now his life won't be as scheduled, so I might have to check in on him in a few weeks. He does present some avolition.

I scroll down to positive symptoms. "Genkaku, Dr. Takashima told me that sometimes you hear things that aren't really there. That you'll look in directions as if you've heard something, or that you'll ask if someone said something even when the room has been silent. Can you tell me a bit about that?" Genkaku puts down the lighter he was playing with. "Oh. Like, what's there to tell?" "Would you consider that a true statement?" "Well yeah. I've kinda gotten used to it mostly." "Can you tell me about these hallucinations?" "Like, most of its nonsense. What's it called? Aphasia? Sounds like that." "Do you ever hear things that aren't even words? Sounds maybe?" He's quiet. "Genkaku?" "What? Shit, I guess. It's not really significant. A few times I've heard what sounds like explosions, animals." "Have you ever heard anything that feels more significant?"

Genkaku doesn't answer, instead picking the lighter back up. "Genkaku, don't play with the lighter right now. Can you answer the question?" He rolls his eyes as he puts the lighter down. "It isn't a hallucination to be fair." "What do you mean?" "It can't be a hallucination." I pick up my pen to write what he says. "Genkaku, have you ever heard a voice that maybe tells you to hurt yourself or others?" "I've never hurt anyone aside from what I've done in training." "Genkaku, you brutally murdered four people." "Murder is such a harsh word don't you think? No, I've saved those people. They won't have to suffer anymore." 

So he's delusional. "So, do you believe that what you did was a good thing?" "I know what I've done was a good thing. I've been shown the path to enlightenment." "Before the earthquake, you were training to become a Buddhist monk, weren't you?" Genkaku nods. "I don't know very much about Buddhism. Can you tell me a bit about your beliefs?" "Well, I do suppose my viewing is still considered quite unconventional." "Well, tell me what led you to view death as the ending of suffering."

Genkaku leans back into his chair. "Well, the four burdens of life are considered to be birth, aging, sickness and death right? But the Buddha has never experienced death, so how would he have known it as suffering?" "So then what do you believe about death?" "Simple. The Buddha's teachings were misconstrued. Death is not a burden. It is the end of suffering. And I have finally been able to find this." "Do you believe yourself to have perhaps been chosen to end this suffering?" "What else would my purpose be? Justice is strength, and salvation is death." His voice, despite how calm and composed he is, has this utterly eerie ring to it.

"Genkaku... could you go get Aaliyah Morgan for me?" "Oh. So you don't have a diagnosis for me?" "I'm going to speak to Dr. Takashima, and we'll set another appointment for you next week. Is that alright?" Genkaku nods, standing up and immediately lighting a cigarette.

——————

Aaliyah Morgan takes her seat, and for once my patient has the first word. "Good morning Dr. Hayashi. How are you?" Her smile is genuine and kind. A nice change of pace from all the either blank or sadistic faces I've seen all morning. "I'm alright. How are you?" "I'm good." "That's good. Let's begin alright?" "Alright."

"Aaliyah, can you tell me how you lost your eye?" The woman chuckles a bit. "I don't see how that would have anything to do with my mental health." "It does, trust me." The woman sighs. "I got stabbed last year. By my abusive ex." "That must have been a very traumatic event." "No shit." "How have you been coping with this?" "I'm fine. Honestly I'm fine. I took care of everything." "You did? Well how did you do that?"

"I guess I was kinda left to my own devices in that. Formal justice overlooked me. So I took my own justice." "What do you think justice is?" "An eye for an eye right? He didn't only take my eye though." "Your ex?" "He took my sanity. My ability to sleep at night, to not feel like I have to look behind me every few seconds. Everything good in my life was taken from me! I had to take it back!" "You killed him, didn't you?" "It's the only way I could've ever felt okay again." I write down her words. "Aaliyah, do you genuinely believe that you're okay now?"

"I uh... well I usually can sleep now." "Do you sleep the entire night?" "Who does?" "I do." "No you don't," Aaliyah laughs. "I do Aaliyah. Most healthy people do." "Well then I'm not most people am I?" "Do you ever have night terrors Aaliyah?" "Doesn't everyone?” “No. Nightmares happen sometimes to most people, but night terrors, waking up screaming and crying, not being able to fall asleep after, that isn't normal in adults."

Aaliyah doesn't say a word, twirling one of her braids instead. "So you do acknowledge that your ex was abusive towards you?" I ask. "Yeah well it took till after he..." She trails off. "You were sexually assaulted, weren't you?" She nods, pursing her lip. "Do you remember it?" "I mean... I remember before, and after." 

"Is there anything that you maybe do now that you didn't do before you were assaulted? Maybe avoiding certain songs, or drinking." "I guess I haven't touched a lime soda since. I tried to once, since my sister still had em in the cupboard." "So why did you stop after that incident?" "Cause it made me sick. My mom threw me away after that." "How about maybe the way you dress?" "I just don't like to wear gold anymore. Or heels. That's it." I keep my eyes to the screen as I write in my notes. 

"Do you think I have what Genkaku has?" "Genkaku?" "Yeah he has rape trauma syndrome. You don’t think I have that, do you?" "Well, how long ago was this? November right?" Aaliyah nods. It's been about five months. This would be the outward adjustment stage of RTS. She definitely doesn't minimize what happened, and she's willing to discuss it. "You said before you killed this man who assaulted you, you were hypervigilant. Would you say you still are?" "Oh no, I can protect myself now. And he's gone." "You seem healthy. Have you been taking care of yourself, showering, eating?" "Of course." "And you have a boyfriend don't you?" She nods enthusiastically. "Can you tell me about your sexual relationship with him?" Aaliyah blushes as her eye goes wide in shock. 

"I uh, I think it's great. I hope he does." She tucks a braid behind her ear, looking away from the screen. "So, would you say you've been able to have a normal sexual relationship?" "Yeah, I think so." So she doesn't avoid sex. "How about hypersexuality? Have you experienced that?" "Nah that's Genkaku. He's... Yeah he's definitely got issues. It’s clear he wants Nicolette bad but the way he acted around camp seemed like he's fuck just about anyone. Makes people uncomfortable honestly." "But you don't feel that way, do you?" "Oh god no! I just want my boyfriend." So she isn't hypersexual either.

"Aaliyah, I don't think you have RTS." "Oh. That's good I guess." "I think you have Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome." The woman raises a brow, laughing it off. "No I don't. I... I'm perfectly fine." "But you aren't fine. You have flashbacks, night terrors, you're in denial." "Wouldn't anyone who experienced that have all that?" "No. And I want you to be treated for this." "I don't need any treatment!" Aaliyah jumps up from her seat. "I'm fine! I am perfectly fine, I took care of everything."

"Aaliyah, I'm going to tell Dr. Takashima to set you up another appointment next week." "There's nothing wrong with me!" "Yes, there is." "There isn't!" "I can help you Aaliyah." "No you can't! I already helped myself!" "Just because he's dead, doesn't mean that what your abuser did didn't affect you." Aaliyah scoffs. "Just... get Nicolette Vedmid. She's my last appointment. I'll talk to Dr. Takashima." "Yeah, whatever."

——————

Nicolette is thankfully my last appointment. She sits down, crossing her legs and folding her hands. "Good morning Nicolette." "Good morning Dr. Hayashi." Nicolette has seen a psychiatrist once in Moscow, when she was nine years old. She was diagnosed with ADHD. She’s never been medicated.

"So Nicolette I mean, everyone knows your story. Well, actually there's one thing that since you killed the chief of police has been on everyone's mind: Did you kill your father?" "Duh." "And you used electricity too for that? A live wire supposedly 'fell' on his head." "Yeah I carried it there." "You seem to have an affinity for electricity." "I suppose." "Do you a reason for that?" Nicolette smiles. "Electricity has such a beautiful irony to it, don't you think? One touch of a wire and you could be dead. But, it brings life as well. Hell, they're preparing some sort of pacemaker machine for me right now. My foster sister's mother died because the power went out in Tokyo. Electricity both gives and takes life." 

"How do you feel about killing people? Do you feel any remorse?" "The people I've killed had it coming." "You know Nicolette, corruption and child abuse don't normally lead to the death penalty." "Yeah well they didn't even get prison time. The world's current position on justice is far too limited." "So you see this world as unjust?" "Do you not?" I don't speak. Openly agreeing with her only enables her. 

"Doctor, today you spoke with two people imprisoned for killing the men who raped them. There are countless people imprisoned for that. Human trafficking victims locked up for prostitution they were forced into, addicts being treated as criminals rather than sick people who need help. Is that justice to you?" Nicolette asks. Of course not. Yesterday I talked to a woman on death row for killing her incredibly abusive husband. "Nicolette, the only opinions I should be passing off as a psychiatrist are medical ones." "So you do agree with me?" 

"I've saved myself you see. No one else was willing. I spent so many years weak and afraid. Justice is strength." She's quoting Genkaku. So was Aaliyah. He's influenced them. So she's likely delusional. As much as I think she makes a point, she'll take it too far. Killing the man who abused her is one thing. But her obsession with death means she'll kill more. And she won't regret it for a moment.

"Nicolette, can we meet again next week? I'm afraid we're out of time." Nicolette still smiles. "That's the thing, I don't need you. Nothing is wrong with me." She's psychotic. What I want to know is how. But that takes time that I don't have. But on top of that, I don't ever wanna speak to any of these people again. They make too much sense when they speak, and I don't wanna hear it anymore.

"You... you know what, you're right. You're fine. Everything is fine." Nicolette stands up to leave. "Think about what I've said doctor. Think about that every time you speak to the people placed in this prison." I turn the camera off before she can say another word.

The scariest people I meet here aren't the total sociopaths, the people who know what they've done is wrong and simply don't care. They're the ones who I can't help but agree with, but in the end will take it all way too far.


	36. House Party

Genkaku  
July 5th, 2016, 9:35 pm

"You really should go, c'mon it'll be fun!" Aaliyah exclaims. She's wearing a white, short, tight dress with a Chanel logos patterned on it. Her braids are styled into a large bun on top of her head. "I literally hate being around people, especially annoying ass rich kids," Shinagawa argues. "Please! Trust me rich kid parties are usually crazy fun!" "Are they?" "Okay, that was like an upper middle class party. These are a bunch of millionaire's and billionaire’s kids that Nicki went to primary school with." "How did you even get permission to go to this?" “Easy; Rei's sick of us. She would probably like a few hours with all the teenagers out of the house." Shinagawa rubs his temples. "Why do you even want me to go?" "Cause you're my boyfriend, and we never go out." "Normally we can't go out." "And tonight we can! Please!" "If I go will you shut up about it?" "Duh." "You're not gonna run off with Nicki's friends?" "I'll stay with you. Otherwise, hang out with Genkaku."

Shinagawa looks over to me as his girlfriend walks upstairs. "Why the fuck are you going?" He asks. "What do you mean? I love parties. Been way too long." "Genkaku, this isn't one of your little middle school parties where you just pass around a blunt and drink some beer someone stole from their dad. There’s gonna be like, coke and champagne and stuff like that" "Sounds fun." "You have to wear a suit." "Nicolette already found me one of her brother's old Chanel suits. Normally something I wouldn't wear but-" "Oh my god are you just going cause of Nicolette?" I shrug. "Maybe." "You do know she's gonna go off and just get completely wasted right?" "Sounds like a plan." "She's not just gonna let you follow her around." "Why does she need to let me?" "Stalker." "I live with her I wouldn't consider it stalking." "Yeah well I can't think of anything else to call you." 

Aaliyah comes back into the with a black garment bag. She hands it to Shinagawa as he stands up off the couch. He leaves to get dressed as Nicolette's heels clicking on the marble floor are heard behind me. She enters the room soon in a long, tight black Chanel dress. "Nicki, you look so hot!" Aaliyah squeals. "You're one to talk Aali! Gonna have all the guys drooling over you in that," Nicolette exclaims with a smile. She turns to me, handing me another garment bag. "Get dressed, we'll leave once you're ready to go," Nicolette says to me, before walking to the foyer to grab her car keys.

——————

Nicolette's father wasn't exactly a car collector, but he did own five luxury cars that he kept in the garage. Nicolette decided that tonight we'd bring her dad's custom Rolls Royce Phantom, painted with black and gold leaf. It costs more than I think my dad ever made in his whole life, and it was barely a scratch of her father's wealth. I think Shinagawa just about fainted the first time Nicolette let him drive it.

The car finally pulls up to a modern style white house, surrounded by a massive silver gate. There's a massive window showing the party inside. A tall brunette girl runs off the lawn the moment she sees the car. Nicolette opens her door, runs up to this girl, and immediately hugs her and kisses either side of her face. "Oh my god Nicole! It's been too long!" The girl squeals. "Who'd you bring with? Any of em cute?" She asks. Aaliyah walks up to meet the girl and is met with similar excitement, a tight hug and two kisses. 

"Anya, this is Aaliyah," Nicolette says. "Wow you look great! I love your hair, your dress," Anya says with a smile. "Thank you! I love your outfit! What label are you wearing?" Aaliyah asks. "It's a Dior skirt and top from 1999! One of my favorites, but so hard to find."

Shinagawa finally gets out of the car. "You coming Genkaku?" He asks. "Yeah, of course." I open the door and climb out. "I told you, this isn't one of your little middle school parties." "There's gotta be like... a hundred people here!" "Yeah, that's a conservative estimate. It's probably like three hundred some. Probably every ultra rich kid in town is around here." "Fuck well that's definitely not us..." "Yeah well put on a front at least."

——————

It's almost 23:30. Shinagawa and I have just been sitting on one of the couches. Nicolette and Aaliyah are drinking and talking to some of Nicki's old friends. Aaliyah seems to have figured out how to fit in with these super rich kids. I guess she was upper middle class, with her dad being a university professor with a salary of $220k a year.

Shinagawa comes back, holding a beer in one hand and a cola in the other. He hands me the beer bottle. "You didn't want it?" I ask. "Nah, I'm the designated. If I crash that Rolls Royce I don't think Nicolette will ever let me forget it." Shinagawa clinks his bottle against mine. "За дружбу," he says before taking a sip of cola. "So you do consider me a friend?" "Might as well. Aaliyah does I suppose."

"Are you surprised that Aaliyah immediately ditched you?" I ask. "I can't say that I am honestly," Shinagawa answers, staring at his girlfriend from across the room. "So if you thought she would, why'd you even agree to come with?" He shrugs. "It makes her happy. She seems like she's having fun. 'Sides, I'd rather she didn't wrap one of Nic's cars around a tree tonight." "So pretty much just to be a chauffeur?" "More I guess a chaperone. Make sure she's safe and all. Nicolette too. How about you? Nicolette hasn't said a word to you all night." "I guess I don't know. I just like being around her."

I keep my eyes on Nicolette as she downs another shot while talking to a group of guys and girls. "Why do you think Nicolette needs to be protected?" I ask. Shinagawa chuckles a bit. "No offense to her, but my sister is a god damn idiot." "Hey!" "No seriously. I mean, I know Aaliyah is there to kinda help moderate her drinking but even she gets lost in the moment. I guess she's with people so it's not as bad as when she gets blackout drunk in her bedroom all alone. I’d still prefer she didn’t get entirely wasted.”

Aaliyah makes her way back to us, holding a white wine glass in her hand. Nicolette walks off with a person I can't really see. I get up to see who it is, but Aaliyah pushes me to sit back down. "What was that for?" I ask. "Don't bug her. Come on, I haven't talked to you all night. How's it been?" Aaliyah sits down, snuggling up to her boyfriend and taking a sip of wine. "Boring. It's been like an hour and I'm not even drunk yet." "Aww, well you gotta put yourself out there. You've been too focused on Nic." "Well what else am I supposed to do?" "Drink a few shots, do some coke, hook up with someone! It’s a party, there's so much more to do other than sit on a couch and people watch. You know, a lot of those girls kinda thought you were hot." "I don't think they're my type." Aaliyah laughs way too loud. "Whadaya mean not your type? Those little blondies are all just knock off clones of Nicolette with maybe some bigger titties on a few." "You're plastered aren't you?" "Hey I'm just trying to have some fun. Why aren't you?" 

Aaliyah lays on her stomach across her boyfriend's lap. "You know, that girl Nadia there with the short platinum blonde hair, she would totally hook up with you." "I dunno Aali..." "Go, seriously. I wanna be alone with my boyfriend." I roll my eyes, stand up, and walk over to Nadia.

"Hey," I start once I reach the girl. "Hi. Genkaku, right?" Nadia asks. "Yeah, how'd you know?" The girl giggles a bit. "I asked Nicolette about you a bit. You just stand out a bit, y'know." "Is that good or bad?" "I'd say it's good. The red hair definitely isn’t a common trait, and well, I'm a slut for a mysterious loner type." "Hm, not sure I'd call myself a mysterious loner. I just don't know anyone here besides the people I came with." "Okay well, I just though you were kinda good looking, so I asked Nicolette about you." "What did you ask?" "Just who you were, what you were wearing, if you had a girlfriend." "Oh. I guess I don't." I look around a bit to see where Nicolette went.

"You're so tall," Nadia points out. "Heh, yeah I guess I am." "How tall are you?" "About 185cm." "Goodness. You must be in some sports. Hockey, basketball." "I've actually never really been into sports. I play electric guitar." "Ooh, a musician!" Nadia squeals. "Yeah, uh, I paint too." "I'd let you paint me sometime you know." The girl puts her hands on my chest, looking me dead in the eye. "Like a portrait?" "Hm, I guess if you'd consider painting me naked a portrait."

Aaliyah wasn't kidding I guess. This girl definitely wants to hook up. Nadia runs her hand through my hair. "Such a nice color. What is it naturally?" She asks. "I don't dye my hair. This is my natural hair color." "It certainly suits you." "Thanks." "Are you alright? you don't seem as enthusiastic as I thought you'd be." I wrap one arm over the girls waist. I suppose maybe a hookup wouldn't be so bad. "No, no. You're just really pretty, that's all." "You wanna get outta here, red head?" "I..." This is stupid. This is a stupid idea. The last thing I should even consider doing is running off and bedding some girl I've only known a few minutes. "I'm actually gonna run over and get something to drink. Want anything?" "Maybe a glass of red wine, or champagne if there's any left." I back away from the girl, heading back towards the kitchen to see if I can find Nicolette.

I finally hear Nicolette’s laugh nearby. Well, not her's. It’s the fake one she does around all her rich friends. It's too short and controlled and bubbly. I round the corner to find her with her arms wrapped around the neck of someone not far from the couch Shinagawa and I were just on.

Seriously? Is that girl seriously gonna... "Nicole!" The girl turns her head to my voice, her flirty smile turning to a scowl. I walk over to her and turn her back around to face me. "What the fuck do you want Genkaku?" Nicolette grits her teeth. "Are you seriously gonna fuck that guy?" "Genkaku, let go of my wrist!" "Are you?!" The guy laughs behind her. "I sure hope so. Definitely a ten if I've ever seen one." I drop Nicolette's wrist, instead cornering the guy she was making out with. I don't say a word. "Hey, what's your problem man?" The guy asks. "She's mine! That's my problem!" "Genkaku, I'm not anyone's!" "Oh well you seem pretty attached to this guy you just met!" "It's just a hookup you fucking moron! I'm not attached to him!"

Nicolette glares daggers at me. How does someone so much shorter than me manage to make me feel that small? "You can go Erik. Sorry about this," Nicolette speaks past me. "Yeah, no problem." I can hear footsteps retreat into to kitchen. "I thought you were into me Nicki, what gives?" "Ugh, I never said that. And, you know what, I was. I liked you a lot, but you ruined it!" "The fuck did I do?!" "How about kissing me without even asking? Or... or telling me my girlfriend was either dead or would hate me? How about all the jealousy and anger? It's like you're stalking me!" "We live in the same house!" "Yeah well then how about you talk to me, instead of just staring at me and touching my knee or grabbing my waist?! Why can't you just..."

Nicolette stops herself. "I like you, Genkaku. I think you're great, and you've helped me a lot. But this whole delusion you've built up as if nothing ever happened, it's so not it." "So what do I do? Cause, I've felt this way for over two years and I've tried to let you know." "Just... talk to me. That's all I want is for you to just talk to me." Nicolette turns away from me, taking a slow sip of her champagne. 

Just talk to her? That's it? "So, what does that look like. Y'know, talking to you?" "Well, for starters, I know you've been watching me from afar all night. If you wanted to be around me, I would've liked it if you'd said something. My friends would probably like you." "Okay. What else?" Nicolette shrugs. "That's pretty much what I mean. It’s odd how you’re both so distant and so clingy at the same time. It feels like you never want to say a word to me and yet you need to be around me at all times. You talk about me to other people, you watch me all the time. It’s just bizarre. I’d much rather you actually speak to me." 

Nicolette turns back around to face me. "I mean," she sighs. "With everything we went through together, with everything we believe, it seems like once we came to Moscow, you didn't wan to say a word to me. Even before that, it kinda seemed like you'd only talk to me if you had to." She takes another sip. "I'm sorry Nic. It's just... I didn't know how to really talk to you anymore. It felt so... just awkward. I guess I sorta made it awkward." Nicolette gives a melancholy smile. "What?" I ask. "That's what I mean, just... I feel like it's why Aaliyah and Shinagawa are able to do well together. I think if there's a single thing my brother feels sorry for, it's when he does stupid things that hurt her. And they talk about it. They understand each other because they actually talk about things that bother them and why it did." "But I don't?" "No. And I guess I don't much either."

I take Nicolette's hand, but she quickly takes it back. "Genkaku..." "What? Sorry I thought-" "That's the problem, you just assume things. It's just... so impulsive." "Oh..." "Genkaku, I do like you, but do you think we can take things slow? And maybe, ask if things are okay to do? I'll do the same for you." I nod. "Yeah. I guess that could work. And, I probably should ask you if something is okay to do." "Sorry, I know with Shinagawa and Aaliyah they were able to just jump right into things. That's just kinda not me. I took things slow with Nara too." "It's alright." 

Nicolette places her half empty drink on the nearby coffee table. "How about we go home? I feel like my poor brother has had enough of the torture of being around people for one night," she laughs. "Yeah, this place just feels so plastic. You know what I mean?" Nicolette nods. We start the walk back to the couch. "Hey, Nicolette?" "Yes Genkaku?" "Could I maybe... hold your hand?" Nicolette looks up to me. "You know what Genkaku, go right ahead." I smile as I take her hand into mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> За дружбу Is a Russian toast that means “to our friendship”


	37. Leadership

Rei Takashima  
July 22nd, 2016, 8:00am

Genkaku is always the last one to show for practice. I'm not surprised by it. I don't think I would ever have considered him to be a responsible person.

Most of the military rankings have already been decided. Aaliyah is the third squad captain, Shinagawa is second squad lieutenant, Mozuri is second squad captain. The only two who haven't been decided are Nicolette and Genkaku. They don't know it yet, but they've been competing for either captain or lieutenant of the first squad. 

Nicolette has much more natural leadership skills. She's boastfully confident, strategic, and somewhat cruel to say the least. I'm not sure if it's the icy cold glare or the bold speech. Unfortunately though, her small stature makes her much less physically frightening. She's only 151cm, and only weighs around fifty kilograms. I don't think she's likely to grow all that much more, maybe another centimeter at the very most.

Genkaku on the other hand is much more physically intimidating. At only sixteen, he stands at 185cm tall. He's a good thirty kilograms heavier than Nicolette, which is pretty much all muscle. He seems to have an incredibly high pain threshold, which makes the promise of such a thing far less frightening to him. It’s odd but it almost seems like he enjoys pain, whether or not it’s his or someone else’s. He doesn’t fear death, so you can’t even hold that against him. At least, he claims to not fear death. Unlike Nicolette, he's less likely to hold back in terms of violence. However, he's much less of the strategic type. He's definitely smart, considering he speaks three languages and is learning a fourth. Of course he's also incredibly impulsive, which as much as Tamaki believes it to be a good trait as an Undertaker, I don't believe it's a good trait for a leader.

Today's fight certainly won't set things once and for all, but it might help me to see whether Nicolette's strategy or Genkaku's physical strength will be more useful in actual battle. The rules are simply that they can't kill each other. Whoever is the first to incapacitate the other wins. Neither of their weapons have been prepared yet, so this is simply a physical fight. 

"Dr. Takashima, are you sure this is safe?" Aaliyah asks. "Why wouldn't it be?" "You know exactly why. Genkaku is so much stronger than Nicolette. He could easily kill her." "For starters, I can't imagine he would even want to do that. And if he did, well..." "You can't lure death over his head as a punishment. That's exactly what he wants." I take another drag of my cigarette. "I'm not using his life as collateral. If he doesn't wanna spend a good eight or so years in solitary confinement back at Deadman Wonderland, then he'll follow the rules." "Well is this even a fair fight?" Shinagawa asks. "I'm confident in Nicolette as a strategic type. As long as she's smart, there's no guarantee for either to win or lose.

They're both smiling, even as they throw calculated jabs and kicks at each other. It's odd that they actually have fun doing this. They’re both incredibly cocky and power hungry. Both believe they could win. Nicolette is a lot lighter on her feet. She's never had much of an attention span, but she does have a faster reaction time. Genkaku however is just so much stronger than Nicolette. 

Nicolette takes another kick at Genkaku's head. Only this time, he's able to predict it and grabs her ankle just before it can reach his jaw. She wasn't fast enough. Genkaku pushes the blonde girl to the ground, before pinning her chest with his boot. 

"I win right?" Genkaku asks. "Nope, Nicolette is still plenty able to fight," I answer. "Only way to win is to knock her out, or get her to admit defeat." "Knock her out huh?" Genkaku moves his boot to press down on the girl's neck. Nicolette is gasping for air now. "Rei, he's gonna kill her!" Mozuri yells. "No he isn't. Genkaku is smart enough to not actually crush her neck." "He's literally thirty killos heavier than she is!"

Nicolette suddenly grabs Genkaku's leg, and yanks it to her right. He's on the ground now. Nicolette sits up, gasping to catch her breathe. "You sick fuck!" She screams. "You could've killed me!" "Hey, you could've broken my neck!" Genkaku groans as he rubs the front of his head. Nicolette pins the red head by the shoulders. "You literally could have crushed my throat you goddamn idiot! That's a way bigger risk!" 

Genkaku rolls the two of them over, this time pinning Nicolette by her wrists. He's smiling again. "I'm gonna win this Nicki. You know you're completely fucked! This fight was rigged, and you and I both-" Nicolette reaches her head up, and kisses Genkaku on the lips.

Genkaku removes his grip from Nicolette's wrists. He leans back to sit on Nicolette's hips. Genkaku slowly brings the tips of his fingers to his lips. He's blushing almost as bright red as his hair. Nicolette sits up and looks into his eyes for a second with a sweet smile, before pushing Genkaku back to the ground. She's putting a lot more pressure on his shoulders now. "God, that's not even the first time I've kissed you," She laughs. "Sorry Genkaku, but you're right! This was rigged, but not in the way you think."

Nicolette raises the boy's shoulders, before slamming his head into the floor as hard as she can. Genkaku is knocked out now, which means Nicolette wins. Aaliyah is the first to run to Nicolette. She brings Nicolette's fist straight up into the air. "We have a winner!" Aaliyah yells out. "Nice trick blondie! How'd you know he'd actually fall for it?" "I didn't," Nicolette admits. "Like I said, I've kissed him before. Maybe it was just because we were in a fight and he didn't expect it. It was a bit of a risk, but in the end it worked!" Aaliyah hugs her friend as the two girls share a laugh. "I can't believe you actually won!" Shinagawa exclaims to his sister. 

———————-

Genkaku is awake now. Nicolette and him are talking to each other in the hallway by the basement stairwell. He's leaning against the wall, playing with Nicolette's blonde hair. I swear, that kid thinks he is such a stud. "That was a dirty trick, y'know that girly," Genkaku coos. "Well you somehow fell for it. I have kissed you before after all." "Mm, yeah you have. Still quite a shock. Especially while we were in such a suggestive position." "Oh stop!" Nicolette giggles and pushes the boy off of her playfully. "Hey it was kinda fun. Maybe we could get into a little wrestling match like that again sometime," Genkaku laughs. 

I finally walk up to the two. "You two really remind me why I hate teenagers so much," I tell them as I puff my cigarette. "Aw C’mon Rei you must've done a little flirting with guys or girls back in the day," Genkaku jokes. "Just guys, Genkaku." "Sucks for you. Girls are pretty cute, aren't they blondie?" Genkaku pulls the girl's waist next to his. "I'm kinda surprised you're not completely pissed at her. Instead you're being all affectionate," I point out. "Nicki knows how I feel about her by now. Plus she's given me some fun ideas." "Alright Genkaku, knock it off before I add chemical castration meds to your drug cocktail."

I take a look at my chart. Genkaku is in the lead. They know it wasn't just between today's fight. It just showed me a bit about how the two of them think. “Tamaki and I have discussed both today and the past tests we’ve run. His conclusion is that Genkaku will be the first battalion’s captain,” I state as I look over my chart. “Wait, but I won the fight,” Nicolette protests. “Yes you did, however we’ve concluded that you won simply by luck.” “Excuse me?! Luck?!” “Nicolette, as pretty as you are, even you know that playing off of romantic feelings isn’t gonna work for every inmate. I’m sure you have other strategies for winning fights, especially with your knowledge of systema. However, we haven’t been able to observe that. It’s much easier to rely on Genkaku’s natural strength.” “Well what else makes him more qualified than I am?” “Nicolette, looking over you, I’d say you’re about as intimidating as a newborn kitten.” “Seriously?! his voice still squeaks!” “Yeah, no shit. He’s sixteen, he’ll grow out of that. However, I don’t see you being able to pick up another thirty kilos of muscle by next year. Hell, I don’t even see you growing another couple centimeters.”

Genkaku grabs Nicolette’s waist once again, but this time she backs herself off of him. “C’mon blondie,” Genkaku teases. “We’ll still be working together. You’ll be my lieutenant.” “Oh great, the boy with a crush on me now has command over me!” Genkaku raises a brow. “I was being sarcastic,” Nicolette says under her breathe. “Oh! You’re kinda terrible at that,” Genkaku laughs. Nicolette groans in frustration before storming up the stairs.


	38. Electric Lady

Nicolette  
July 19th, 2016, 8:00am

I'm way too used to shots by now. Wires too. Just, being poked and prodded on the daily with drugs and electrodes has become my new normal. Every now and then Rei will tinker with my new circuit system. It feels weird, but calling it that feel more correct than calling it my circulatory system. Obviously I still have blood and a pumping heart. But it's different now. 

There's an electrical port attached to my spinal cord. It leads both up my brain stem, and to my heart. I have wires inserted around the bones in my arms and legs. They bring electricity to my hands and feet. It feels like something straight of a science fiction film; a pacemaker powered by my body's energy. Powered by both my pumping blood and the heat of my body. I'm trying to learn more how it works. Especially the electricity in my hands and feet. There must be a way to utilize that energy in combat. If a wire can be used to keep my heart beating, then it surely must have the power to stop one! Or, at the least knock someone out. Rei has been trying to figure it out, since the idea excites her boss as well. 

I have to go under the knife again today. It's my hands this time. Rei wants to place a few chips, or buttons or something in both of them. A large one in my palms, and a few small ones in my fingertips. They would connect to the cord in my brain, so that when I wanted to I'd be able to utilize the electrical power externally. The tech has been proposed for things like artificial limbs, to be able to move fingers and wrists and ankles. It's a brain-computer interface that would allow me to control the implant with a thought. The chip would pick up the electrical signals in my brain, and would act accordingly. The main disadvantage is that this does take energy. But, so does doing things like running or weight lifting. As an Undertaker, I have plenty of extra energy and endurance.

——————

When I wake back up, the lights in the room have come back on. Rei is reading a magazine and smoking a cigarette on a nearby chair. She smiles once her eyes meet mine. "Oh good, you're awake," she says. "Ready to get started Nicolette?" I nod silently. "Alright. Let's begin."

I sit up, as Rei brings me a lightbulb, connected to a power cord. "Alright Nicolette. We've programmed to chip to respond to voltage commands. Basically the thought to power it would be 'x volts'. Do you understand?" Rei asks. I nod. "Alright. Let's start with seventy volts." I press my right pointer finger to the cord. Seventy volts.

The bulb glows softly. I take my finger back, gasping in surprise. Rei smiles. "Good! So to an extent, the chips work! Wanna try something bigger?" "Yes!" "Alright. This time we'll try with a small animal? That alright?" "It's fine by me."

Rei brings me a pigeon with clipped wings. "Alright Nicki. Kill it." "Kill it?" "Yes, it's a winged rat, you talk about shooting these all the time!" "Alright. How many volts?" "A typical police stun gun takes eight hundred thousand. You'll never get anywhere near that so don't even try. Hell, you'd probably kill your self. Try one thousand. That should knock out a human, but it'll probably cook this thing." I bring the tip of my finger to the bird. One thousand volts. 

The bird convulses for a moment, before it's heart stops. Rei looks positively giddy now. "Alright! You'll definitely be able to knock out a human with a voltage like that! But the question is, can you kill one?" "I'd say so. Do I get to kill someone?" "Not today. If you wanna test that out so bad, how about we drive to a farm and kill a lamb or something." "I'm good. If it can get that high, and I barely feel like I've even run a lap, I'm sure it can kill no problem."

——————

It's almost 20:00. Surgery took a few hours. Waking up took some more. I haven't really spoke to Genkaku yet today. I guess he should. I still don't really know what we are yet. If we're "just talking" or if we're actually like, dating. I think he thinks the second thing.

I knock on the door to Genkaku’s room. It's right across the hall from mine. Genkaku opens the door in a red tank top and black sweatpants. "You're awake?" He asks. I nod. "How was the surgery?" "It went well. I mean I'm alive right?" "I guess that's a good thing." "Yeah." 

It still feels awkward speaking to Genkaku. Why does this feel awkward? I talk to Aaliyah about way more awkward things than just my surgeries. "Nicki?" Genkaku asks. "Yeah?" "You alright? I know you're not a super talkative type but-" "I'm perfectly fine, Genkaku." "Anything you wanna do, talk about?" "Any ideas?" "How about we just lie down for a bit. You do seem kinda tired." I don't give him an answer. "Cmon, we've slept in the same bed before," Genkaku infers. "Not, you know, like romantically." "So you do consider us to be in a romantic relationship!" Genkaku is beaming now. 

"That’s what you wanted right?" "Of course, I just... sorry I know it's what we've been talking about. You've just never referred to it that way." "I know." "So why not?" "Sorry?" "Why don't you ever refer to me in a romantic way? Like, I don't know, calling me your boyfriend." "Genkaku, I'm just not super comfortable with romantic relationships. I mean, I like them, and I've been in one. It's just difficult at first." "Well, how about we lay down together. That kind of gets something physical out of the way." I shrug my shoulders, keeping my arms crossed. "I suppose."

Genkaku leads me back to his bed, a black and red king sized bed, with black wooden bed side chests on either side. He lays down first on his side, and pats the space next to him. I lie down, only for Genkaku to immediately wrap his arms around my waist and rest his head next to my shoulder. "So, that's your last of your surgeries right?" Genkaku asks. "Should be." "And that's the one that lets you electrocute people right?" "I guess. It can be used for other things I'm sure." "Like what." I think to myself for a moment. "Well, I'm not really sure yet. But I was able to light up a light bulb!" "So, it'll let you charge your phone," Genkaku laughs. I roll my eyes.

"Sorry, baby girl I'm just teasing." I don't respond. "Cmon, sweetheart. Sorry, babe I'm sure it's really useful. We just don't know much about it yet." Genkaku snuggles up closer. "You okay?" I finally tune back in. "Wha- yeah, no I'm fine." "Just in your own little word?" "Just... processing." "Can I kiss you?" "I guess." Genkaku kisses my cheek before laying his head on my shoulder. I lay my hand on top of his. "I really need to get some sleep, Genkaku." "Stay with me." "Genkaku..." "Please. Please stay with me. You have before." I sigh in defeat. "Fine. We can sleep together." 

Genkaku sits up and pulls off his tank top, before crawling on top of me to straddle my waist. "Even better!" "Genkaku, get off of me!" I quickly shove him off. “You know damn well that isn’t what I meant," I scold. "Sorry babe, I just can't help myself." "Yes, you can. You know better." "Well you're just so gorgeous and-" "That's not an excuse." "I love you."

I once again don't respond to him. "Nicole?" "Genkaku, I'm sorry." "Oh... you..." "No, it's not that. I do have feelings for you but-" "But you don't love me." "It's not that either. Genkaku, this just feels really new to me." "Loving someone?" "Yeah, a little." Genkaku lays back on his side. "You've loved someone before." "Yeah. I have. And it's always ended badly." "But it didn't end badly because she left you! Nara just died!" "Oh yeah, that’s so much better." "I... I didn't mean it like that. I mean that you don't have to be afraid of me leaving you." "Why not?! What if you-" "If I die, then I'll have finally found my salvation. Don't mourn for me when I'm gone." "But that's where that logic is flawed. If you'll die I'll miss you a lot." "And I'd miss you. But that's what you have to understand Nicolette."

Genkaku angles my chin to face him. "When we die, it's because our time is up. And the way it'll go, it will either mean that we'll have lived a long life together, or if it's sooner, then it was just my time." "But I don't want to lose anyone else." "Then you have to detach yourself from the idea that their deaths are simply your loss. Death is salvation. You believe that don't you dear?" I nod. "We're still suffering my love. We're still in great pain, mentally and physically. When I die, don't think of it as my leaving you. I'd never leave you." 

Genkaku kisses my lips softly. "You're tired, aren't you my love?" He asks. I nod, feeling my eyelids become heavy. "Sleep next to me tonight. I won't try anything anymore. I just wanna be next to you and hold you." I turn over to face Genkaku, and let him wrap his arms back around my waist. "I won't be here forever. But I'll never leave you my love." Genkaku kisses my forehead, before I finally close my eyes.


	39. A Diamond Ring

Shinagawa  
March 29, 2018, 3:15pm

Genkaku has been staring at the ring for the past few minutes. I don't blame him, it's definitely a beautiful ring. I think it's quite a bit much, but I guess he's been better with his money. I guess it isn't his money. Nicolette gives everyone an allowance of 74000₽ a month. She's always said she may as well spend the money, since she doesn't know whether or not she'd have access to it in Deadman Wonderland. Genkaku has held on to it a bit more than the rest of us.

"Hey, are you sure about this?" I ask the red head. "Incredibly. I'm sure she'll love it," He answers with a bright smile. "Have you two ever even said a word to each other about marriage?" "I can't see her ever saying no to this." "Okay, but it's 920600₽!" "And I have that and more. We have two more days before we go back to Japan. Might as well spend the money I have." "Yeah but that's a lot of money! There's not even a guarantee she'd say yes!" "It's her favorite collection. I think she'll be able to see that I put thought into it." "Okay, but the consultant even told you there are other options in that collection that cost way, way less." The boy shrugs. "I already ordered this one, had it shipped to the store from New York. This is the one, I know it!" 

I pick up the ring from the table to look it over. The band is covered in tiny diamonds, and has a bow attached to it covered in even more diamonds. Nicolette has plenty more pieces from the Ruban collection. Two pairs of earrings, a necklace. Her most expensive piece out of all her jewelry is an 18k white gold bracelet filled with diamonds. It was a birthday gift from her great aunt that she got for her fifteenth birthday. I think she once told us it costed 47,500,000₽. Genkaku told us that was nearly double what his father made in a year, which is why I can't see how he justifies a 920600₽ purchase for his girlfriend.

Genkaku leaves me to bring to ring to the counter. I can't tell hardly a word they're saying. Unlike Genkaku, I never bothered to learn Russian. I didn't see a point. When we did go out, Nicolette has always been able to translate things like menus, trains tickets, stuff like that. Now that we're leaving Russia, I'll never need it again. I suppose Genkaku can still use it to speak to Nicolette in private. Of course he could also use French. Probably not English, since Aaliyah and I both speak it. 

———————-

We've met back up with the girls at the mall pavilion. Both of them are holding garment bags with the Dior logo printed in gold. "New outfits?" I ask. "Nope, gowns," Aaliyah answers. "Gowns?" "You didn't forget did you? The gala for the amusement park's first anniversary is in two days." "Ugh we actually have to go to that?" "It'll be fun! One night of living like Nicolette Vedmid." "I don't remember ever wanting that."

Nicolette points at Genkaku's Chanel shop bag. "What's that?" She asks. "It's a surprise." "Ooh so it's for me?” "There's something for you there." "So you bought yourself something too?" "Can't I treat myself every now and then?" "Can I at least know what you bought?" Genkaku fakes a sigh of defeat, before pulling out a rectangular black bottle. "Cologne and aftershave." Nicolette takes the cologne bottle from her boyfriend. "Antaeus? Very nice. How long do I have to wait to know what else you bought?" "You'll see it at the gala. When do I get to see that new dress. Wanna try it on for me tonight?" "Absolutely not, you'll see it when everyone else sees it." 

———————-

I am so glad to finally be back at Nicolette's house. That's always how I've thought of it. Not my home, but someone else's. Technically it isn't even hers anymore. She sold it to a thirty-eight year old multimillionaire last month, furniture and all. She doesn't have any plans for what she wants to do with the money. It's roughly twenty million USD. To her well, it may not be pocket change, but it isn't a massive, life changing amount.

Nicolette is cooking a Roquefort with a caramelized onion tart right now. We take turns cooking usually. Aaliyah is obviously the most skilled, considering she was planning on perusing a culinary degree. Personally I prefer the two takeout days and one day we eat at a restaurant every week, mainly because it means not having to eat vegetarian. 

Genkaku is sitting on the couch, staring at the engagement ring in it's box. I take a seat next to him. "She'll say yes. I know it," Genkaku muses. "Have you two ever once talked about getting married?" I ask. "I know I want to." "Do you know if she wants to? Cause I cannot remember a single time my sister has ever said she wanted to get married." "C'mon, if you were a girl and you saw this beautiful ring, you’d say yes wouldn’t you? Heh, not that I’d ever propose to you. How could she say no." "I don't know how that makes a difference." "Well people say that gifts are an expression of love. I remembered her favorite ring in her favorite collection." "Or, hear me out, she could see you spending this ridiculous amount of money as proof that you don't have an ounce of impulse control." "Ha! Did you conveniently forget that she’s the one with no impulsive control. I go out shopping with her at least once a week and see her splurge far higher amounts of money." 

Genkaku's eyes go back to the ring. "What will you do if she does say no? You have to prepare yourself for that possibility," I tell him. "She won't say no." "Genkaku, I am dead serious. That is a 920600₽ ring! I know it technically isn’t your money, and I know you’re only eighteen, but you know that is a lot of money.” “She won’t say no.” “Genkaku... you can’t ignore the fact that this isn’t a guarantee.” “She’s gonna say yes.” “Maybe, but she also might-“ “She has to!” Genkaku suddenly yells. I jump back a bit. I swear it feels like he’s trying to burn me with his eyes. 

I stand back off the couch as Nicolette walks in to the living room. “Genkaku, sweetheart, is everything alright?” She asks. Genkaku stands up, and looks to his girlfriend with a genuine smile. Night to day, just like that. “Of course, my love. What could possibly be wrong?” “Well you were shouting at my brother.” “It’s just a religious argument, that’s all blondie.” Genkaku cups his girlfriend’s face with the palm of his hand. “Alright, well dinners ready. One of your favorites.” “We’ll be there in just a moment.”

The moment Nicolette leaves the room, the kid turns back to me. He’s unstable enough that I know if not for the threat of six years in solitary confinement, he’d certainly be more than willing to put a knife through my chest. “So, are you just that good of an actor or can you genuinely change your mood that quickly?” I ask rhetorically. “Both. I did briefly attend an arts and performance school after all.” “Yeah for what, two weeks?” The kid’s irritated frown has changed to a full on death glare now. 

“Why won’t you even think about her saying no?” I ask Genkaku. “Because she can’t! She can’t say no to me!” I have to stop myself from laughing. “What makes you think she can’t? She’s a grown woman, she can make her own decisions.” “She can’t say no!” I look down to Genkaku’s hand to see him anxiously playing with the ring. “Okay, why do you think she can’t? Do you mean she literally is incapable, or because you can’t handle the idea of her turning you down?” Genkaku doesn’t respond. “Well which is it.” “Leave me alone! Why won’t you leave me alone?!” Genkaku shoves me to the floor as hard as he can, before crouching to the ground and covering his head with his hand.

Nicolette, Aaliyah, and Rei run in to room. “What is going on with you two?” Rei asks. Aaliyah picks me up off the ground. “Are you alright? What happened?” “Genkaku- ow!” I bring my hand to the back of my head. “Are you bleeding?” Aaliyah asks. “Fuck, I guess I am. The red head pushed me.”

Nicolette is crouched down next to her boyfriend, holding his head to her chest. “Poor baby, what happened?” The girl coos. “Seriously Nic, he blew up,” I shout at her. “Well you clearly set him off,” Nicolette shoots back. “Nicole, are you serious?” Aaliyah exclaims. “Look at him, he’s crying.” “And my boyfriend is bleeding!” “It’s his own damn fault. Baby, what happened, you can talk to me.” “Nicki, he’s eighteen years old, stop babying him.” “He’s only been eighteen for five days.” “Even if he was still seventeen, hell even if he was twelve, it doesn’t excuse him becoming violent whenever he’s upset!” 

Rei has a cloth held to the back of my head now. “Lets get you patched up. Nicolette, think you can calm down your boyfriend?” Rei asks. “I’m sure I can. Sweetheart, let’s get you something to eat, alright?” Genkaku doesn’t say a word.

———————-

Nicolette is smoking a cigarette in the hallway next to her room once I come upstairs. “Were you able to calm down your psycho boyfriend?” I ask the girl sarcastically. “I don’t think you have any right to call him a psycho, considering your body count, Nicolette scoffs. “Where is he?” “He’s in bed. I just came out for a cigarette. How’s your head?” “I probably just cut it in the grooves of the marble floor.”

Nicolette takes another puff from her cigarette. “Didn’t you sell the house? Don’t want it smelling like cigs do you?” I ask my sister. “Why do you think I’m in the hall? No soft surfaces. Besides, I have a cleaning service coming by after we leave.” I shrug in response. “Alright then.” “What happened with Genkaku anyway? I’ve asked him, but he shuts down whenever I do.” “You really wanna know?” “Yes, I know I do. If I know what’s going on then I can help him calm down better, and we can work through this.” “What exactly do you think is wrong?” “I’m not sure. He isn’t having any new delusions, or anything like that is he?” “No, he’s not delusional. Well, I mean there a few things where he definitely is, but this isn’t that.”

I think to myself about how I can tell Nicolette what’s happening without ruining the surprise. I’m not sure if the main problem is with them getting married, or with his impulse control. I guess, thinking about it now, he did manage to save up all that money for over a year now. He’s been sure to put a certain amount into a nest egg every month. So he’s probably not as spontaneous with his money as Nicolette is. “Well, he was mad about some uh, commitment issues,” I tell her. “I’ve never cheated on him, why would you say that? Of course he’d be mad!” “Hey, hey not like that. Nicolette do you know one-hundred percent that you would want to be with him forever?” Nicolette ponders the question a minute. “Well I don’t know what our future holds.” “Okay, well you and I both know that Genkaku is a bit possessive when it comes to you.” “I know, we’ve talked about it.” “Well we were having a discussion that led to me asking him what he would do if you were no longer with him.” 

Nicolette takes another drag off her cigarette. “Why exactly are you meddling with our relationship?” She asks in an emotionless tone. “Whoa, hold up I was not meddling.” “I know you don’t see it like that, but you really had no reason to force him to contemplate that.” “It wasn’t forced...” “Well he must have been upset before, I actually know he was, but you kept pushing. Why didn’t you let it go?” “Look, there was something going on, more than that, but I can’t tell you. I just can’t.” “No I’m worried now. He isn’t delusional right?” “I already told you no. It’s not a harmful secret, trust me.” “How can I trust you? You... you’re causing problems in my relationship, you’re keeping secrets from me.” “If you want to know, you’ll have to ask him.”

Nicolette drags off of her cigarette one last time, before pointing the end at me as she opens her bedroom door. “Just... stay out of my relationship. Seriously.” “Nic...” “I love my boyfriend. I wish you would see that. I know we started rocky, but I’m grateful for him. So stop telling him things that hurt him, and stop budding in.” Nicolette leaves on that word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.chanel.com/us/fine-jewelry/p/3599591587351/ruban-ring/ The Chanel Ruban ring
> 
> https://www.chanel.com/us/fine-jewelry/p/J3882/ruban-bracelet/  
> The Chanel Ruban Bracelet
> 
> https://www.chanel.com/us/fragrance/p/118460/antaeus-eau-de-toilette-spray/ Antaeus Cologne
> 
> 920600₽ Is roughly $12,500 and 47,500,000₽ Is roughly $64,400


	40. The One Year Gala

Nicolette  
April 1st, 2018, 9:12pm

We got back to Japan last night. We have rooms in G-Ward, but Tamaki didn't want to open it yet, so we just slept over in his office. It was actually kinda fun. After they took off our brains limiter, we can all go long periods of time without sleep. That is, we can stay awake and walk around and stuff. Eventually though, our bodies become too fatigued. In our brains we won't feel this, but sooner or later, after days without sleep or hours or nonstop running, we just pass out. 

The amusement park is absolutely gorgeous. I've always preferred cities and lights over forests and cliffs. The stars over the cloudy blue skies, the northern lights over waterfalls. Tamaki's office overlooks it all. There's a nice balcony outside, but Genkaku has kind of developed a fear of heights. A mix of seeing his sister dead over the balcony, and this irrational phobia his schizophrenia kind of created. He always hears that sick part in the back of his head telling him to jump. He almost listened once, while we were watching the northern lights over the front balcony on his eighteenth birthday.

Tamaki is holding some one year anniversary party. He invited the shareholders and various government bodies and their spouses. To an extent I'm sick of galas and balls after having to attend so many with my father so he could show of his "lovely children". I guess it was an excuse to go shopping. Aaliyah says she missed her senior prom, which I googled and it says it's like this huge dance in the U.S and Canada at the end of high school. I guess that's why she's so excited for this. It's nice that she is. Having someone to shop with and try on dresses is always more fun, and she's more honest with me than any store clerk would be. For starters, I guess yellow is not my color, and I gotta say I agree with her. She looks gorgeous in yellow, but she chose a green Dior dress instead of the golden one we found. I was thinking of this vintage pink Chanel gown, but Aaliyah said blue brings out my eyes really nicely, and pink doesn’t pop as much with my skin tone.

We have to wear these anklet versions of the collars. Turns out, the whole collar thing worked so well on us during finals, that now all the prisoners wear them. Some just don't have the poison in them. Our anklets don't have the poison, but if we leave the park or try to run, they constrict and can break our ankles. There are blades on them too in case that doesn't work.

Our meeting is in Tamaki's office at 10:00, so we have to head out at 9:45. Aaliyah and Shinagawa are continuing off a conversation from last night. Something about what the Deadmen actually look like. Unfortunately for Aaliyah, her boyfriend is a complete nerd, who currently believes the Deadmen look like some fucked up monsters in some horror anime he watches. I've mostly just been trying to get drunk, but it's hard to do off of little glasses of champagne without looking like an alcoholic. I swear to God they're watering it down or something. "Hey Nicki," Genkaku chirps up. "How about one last look of the outside?" "The only way we can do that is on the balcony, Genkaku." "I won't jump as long as you hold my hand, blondie." "Fine. Just, stop calling me blondie"

The park is even prettier at night, all lit up in bright pinks and blues. Genkaku is gripping my hand like a vice. "Baby blue, what do ya think the Deadmen are like?" His voice is a little shaky, but he's trying to stay calm. "I know exactly what they're like. I saw the first one right before the earthquake." "No shit, really? What did it look like?" "It was all armored up, but it looked like it was just a little kid." "So either all Deadmen are really small, or Demitri was allowing for the eggheads to experiment on a little kid?" "Probably the second one." A new look of horror takes over Genaku’s face. "I swear every time I learn a new piece of info on this guy he turns out to be more disgusting than I thought," he cringes.

Genkaku drops my hand and pulls my waist in next to him. I press my head to his chest. He's so much taller than me now. The top of my head just barely reaches his collarbone, even in stilettos. He's 190 cm now. I'm only 155. He's more muscular now too, since he’s been working out like crazy. I have too, but I haven't bulked up as much. Should I tell him I like how he looks? He especially looks good in a suit. I think his hair looks nice. It's tied half up tonight.

"You look great tonight," Genkaku says with a smile. "Thank you, so do you," I respond. "For real?" Genkaku asks. "Yes, for real. You always do." "Oh?" "You do, really." Genkaku sighs pulling me in even tighter. "Why are we like this," he laughs. "Like what?" "Just... you know awkward. We’ve been together two years, known each other for almost three, and talking still feels like talking to a crush, y'know?" "Yeah, I suppose." "Think things will get better?" "We're still just teenagers." "So, you think we'll always be together? Cause I really want that.” "That'd be nice."

Genkaku turns his head to look at me. "So, you love me then right?" He asks. "Yes, of course I do." "I really am in love, baby blue." "I know you are." "And I never want to be without you, you know?" "Genkaku, is something wrong?" "Wrong? No, nothing is wrong my love. I'm just nervous." "Do you wanna go inside?" "No, that's the last thing I wanna do right now."

I look back up to the sky. After tonight, I likely won't see it again for a very long time. G-Ward is build five stories into the ground. The Undertaker's HQ is at the bottom of it. Tamaki told us it's low enough into the ground and well sealed enough to serve as a bomb shelter. I don't know if that's much of a concern nowadays, but I suppose it's useful. I wonder if Genkaku is thinking about this as our last time outdoors. I've always been much more of an inside person than he is. Genkaku always wanted to bring me along for nature hikes or to go to the lake. I always wanted him to come shopping with me. 

"What are you thinking about baby blue?" Genkaku asks. "Not much," I respond. "Just about how we aren't gonna get to be outside again for a while. What are you thinking about?" "Heh, nothing really. Wanna dance?" "Sure. Do you know how?" "I looked up some online lessons. I'm pretty sure you do right?" "Of course. I pretty much had to learn." I turn to place my hand on Genkaku’s shoulder, while he places one of his on my waist and takes my other hand into his.

Genkaku begins to lead. I count in my head. It's become second nature to me to count rather than actually listen to music. The music playing indoors is light. It almost feels like we're the only two people here. "What time is it, Genkaku?" I ask. Genkaku glances at the watch on his left wrist. "It's 9:33, love. Why?" "I just like to know time so I can keep track of it." "Gotcha." "You're pretty good at this, you know?" "I suppose. Probably would be better if I'd taken actual lessons." "You're doing well, don't worry." 

Genkaku suddenly stops and stands back to look at me, keeping both my hands in his. "You're so gorgeous, you know that?" He muses. "By now, I have a good idea of it," I giggle. "You love me right?" "Of course I love you. I've told you that." "And you know, we're gonna be in the same place together for, well probably the rest of our lives." "Yeah, I suppose we are." "So, do you think we'll always be together, sweetheart?" "That'd be nice. Didn’t you just ask me that?" "Nicki, do you ever see the two of us getting married?" "Married?" 

Genkaku moves his left hand to my waist, reaching into his jacket pocket to pull out a white Chanel ring box. He clicks it open with his thumb, revealing a Ruban Ring. "Nicolette Czarina Vedmid, I want to spend the rest of my life with you," Genkaku gushes. "Do you want that my love?" "Genkaku... you should've talked to me about this." Genkaku’s smile slowly falls. "So... you don't want to marry me?" "I don't know. Genkaku, we're eighteen and nineteen years old. I don't know what I want out of life yet." "Nicki, our lives for the most part have been decided. We'll live and die in this place. I just wanna spend this life with you." "And I do too but-" "So why not make it official? I'm not saying we have to get married tomorrow." "I mean... we've talked a bit... I didn't expect you to go out an actually buy a ring. Especially not one as expensive as this!” "Well I did. I really want to get married."

I don't respond for a moment. I don't know what to do. Growing up, marriage always was sold to me as a negative, a threat. Marriage was my greatest fear growing up. I suppose that would've been an arranged marriage. It would've been to someone I'd never met, who would want me to have their children and be a trophy wife to them with no life outside of housework and talking to the wives of his friends. It was my mother's life. I question sometimes now if my birth was her salvation. After I was born, she never had to suffer Demitri's abuse ever again. Never had to live a life that wasn't meant for her. I can't imagine Genkaku would ever treat me that way. He mostly just wants to be close with me. He says my partnership and support make his life a bit more bearable. I guess he does the same for me. 

"Nicki?" Genkaku interrupts my thinking. "You know, if you don't want to, if marriage wouldn't make you happy, that's fine. And if you don't really know yet, then we can talk about it. This isn't something we have to rush, or put a time or date on. I just really wanna be with you, that's all." "Genkaku..." "Yes lovely?" "I... I think, right now it's too soon. But that doesn't mean I don't want to." "Like I said, I don't expect us to marry tomorrow, or next month, or even next year. This isn't even saying you will. If you'd ever want to break of the engagement, I'll never hold it against you." "So why make me your fiancée?" "I don't wanna make you anything. All this is, is saying that right now it's what we want. That we see marriage as a possibility in our future. But if it's not what you see then-" "Genkaku... I think I do want to get married."

Genkaku’s smile finally comes back. "Are you sure?" He asks. "Yes, I'm sure. I want to be with you. I think you're the only person in this place that could ever be the one for me. And like you've said before, you don't expect anything from me. And honestly, I don't expect anything from you. You just enjoy having me with you, and I like that too." "So... you really, actually want to marry me?" "Yes, Genkaku, I really do."

Genkaku places the ring on my finger, before meeting my eyes again. He quickly kisses my lips, before pulling my head to rest on his chest. "I love you, Nicolette Czarina Vedmid." "I love you too, Genkaku Azuma." "What time is it?" "Why are you asking me. You have the watch." "Oh, right." Genkaku glances at his watch. "Oh fuck, we gotta go sweetheart." "I wanna stay." "Me too, but Tamaki'll have our necks if we don't show up." 

——————

Tamaki is standing by the door to the bridge of G-Ward when we arrive. "Oh good, right on time!" He exclaims. "How was the gala? I had to leave in a bit of a hurry." "Fun!" Aaliyah responds. "Would've thought you'd cheap out on it, but it was actually a lot of fun." "Never put me in a space with that many people again," Shinagawa groans in annoyance. "Nicolette, you enjoy events like this don't you?" Tamaki asks. "Of course. It was great!" "Oh good! Genkaku? I'm guessing this wasn't really your cup of tea?" "No, but it was still great! But that's for other reasons," Genkaku responds excitedly. 

"She say yes, Genkaku?" Shinagawa asks. Genkaku holds up my hand with his to show the ring on my finger. "Congratulations! Thought she would," Aaliyah exclaims. "Wait you two knew?" I ask. "I bought the ring with him," Shinagawa answers. "And he tells me everything," Aaliyah points out. “Wait, was that what the two of you were fighting about?” I ask Shinagawa. He stalls a moment before he answers. “For the most part, yeah.”

Tamaki pretends to cough into his hand to get our attention. "Congratulations Nicolette and Genkaku, but there are greater matters at hand," Tamaki interrupts. "Are you all ready to see your new domain?" Tamaki doesn't wait for a response, before opening the door to the bridge.

Tamaki leads us over the bridge. I can't see the bottom of the drop. It just leads to darkness. Genkaku has has a tight but shaky grip on my hand. "Are you alright?" I ask him under my breathe. Genkaku nods with his eyes screwed shut. 

The door opens to a rounded corridor, lined with numbered cell doors. Tamaki takes us to an elevator in the center. Once we get in, he presses a button labeled 0. The elevator ride down is long and quiet. The elevator finally reaches the bottom, and opens to another split corridor. Tamaki points to the right end of the hall. "That leads to carnival corpse," he says, before pointing left. "This way, leads to the Undertaker's base." Tamaki continues to lead up left. The corridor is long, and ends at a door with the symbol of the Undertakers painted on it. 

The door slides opens to a massive room. Tamaki allows us to walk past us to explore. On one side of the room is a wall of television screens and a control console. On the other, a room with tables covered in weapons. Door in the room lead to a locker room, three barracks for the Underlings, and the entrance to the Undertaker's living space. In the back of the room, there is a set of large wooden doors. I don't know what could be there. Genkaku ends up being the one to ask.

"Hey Tamaki, what's with the big wood doors?" "A multipurpose room I suppose. Do what you with with it. Though, my intentions for it are that you'll likely use it for torture," Tamaki answers. "Why would we need to torture anyone?" Aaliyah asks. Tamaki shrugs. "For fun, I suppose. No, I'm kidding. Information for the most part. Within prisons little groups tend to form. Those groups usually intend to take over, or threaten the prison, or even escape. I'm sure it will come in handy." 

Genkaku takes my hand back into his. "I guess this is home now huh?" "Yeah. I guess it is." Genkaku has his eyes set on the door. I wonder what he's thinking about.


	41. Welcome to G-Ward

Genkaku  
April 9th, 2018, 9:47am

I love this place! No better way to put it. We've been here only a week, and three people tried to escape, which meant I got to save them! There's an entire group of like, forty people trained, well, more programmed, to protect and respect me. I'm almost exempt from all the rules of the outside. I'm only eighteen, and if I wanted to, I could drink, smoke, and shoot up as much as I wanted.

I do miss the sun, and animals. Well, pretty much all nature. But this place is made of criminals. There are people like me. Ones who don't judge me for what I do. They'll be dicks to me about other stuff, but not saving people. And the worst ones, the truly sick people, the rapists, the abusers who were thrown into Deadman Wonderland only to find they were Deadmen, I get to put as many of those people in the dirt as I want.

There aren't too many Deadmen just yet. The Earthquake was only four years ago, and there are so many more to be found. There are maybe, ten or twenty for now. Most had been in Wonderland for years, kept in solitary, just waiting for G-ward to be built. A few are pretty messed up. Can't say I blame them. Being in solitary that long must have truly been hell.

The Undertakers have a six bedroom residence in the basement. Tamaki wants a sixth person to join us someday, but for now he's still looking for someone on par with the rest of us. Nicolette does have a room of her own, but she always stays in mine. She pretty much just uses her room as a dance studio, and a space to practice violin. She has a lot of closet space in there too, since there's no way my room could have the space for all the clothes and shoes and bags she owns. Nicki’s talked a bit about buying a pole to learn pole dancing, and to say that I’m on board with it would be a hell of an understatement.

Nicolette and I chose a date for the wedding: April 4th, 2024. It’s years away, but it does mark a special anniversary; Ten years after the Great Tokyo Earthquake. Ten years after over a hundred thousand people were saved in only a matter of a few minutes. Ten years after I first told Nicolette that I love her. I'd rather marry at twenty-four and twenty-five rather than eighteen and nineteen. It just feels too young.

Nicolette is laying next to me right now in bed, scrolling through her Instagram. She stops at a photo of her from last month, when she was she was shopping at Aviapark mall with Aaliyah. Nicolette brings her phone in front of me. "Do I look good in this?" She asks. "You look good in everything, baby blue." "Yeah but I look so short." "That’s because you _are_ short. You look cute, don't worry."

Nicolette puts her phone on the nightstand next to her, before snuggling up to my chest. "What are you thinking about?" She asks. "Nothin' really. I'm just bored," I answer. "Can you get me a drink?" Nicolette asks. "Why?" "I just really want a drink. That's all." "Do you wanna go to a bar maybe?" "Bar?" "Yeah, there's a bar here. It's not too late to go down." Nicolette sighs. "I guess. Just let me get dressed and put on a little makeup." Nicolette crawls out of bed to leave for her room.

——————-

I hold the door open to the first floor bar. Nicolette walks in past me and immediately heads to the counter. She hands the tender her cast card before ordering. "Vodka, I'm guessing? How about a White Russian?" The bartender jokes. Nicolette glares daggers at him. I push past her to make sure she doesn't do or say anything. "Wine. Just, white wine," I order for her. "Genkaku, I can speak for myself. Could I have a Bishop Cocktail?" Nicolette orders. "Of course, and for the gentleman?" "Just a Sex On the Beach cocktail." The bartender scoffs. "That's a girl’s drink." "It's just a fuckin’ drink." "Yeah, okay. Hey sweetheart there are plenty more real man to go on a date with around here." "I'd prefer my fiancé. And don’t call me sweetheart,” Nicolette responds, before continuing to sip her drink.

"You're marrying this guy?" The bartender chuckles. Nicolette holds up her left hand, still sipping. "Damn, that's a pretty spendy looking ring? How'd he manage to get that?" The man asks. "Got it before we came here," I answer. "And they let the lady keep it?" "Well we're pretty special, so." I shrug. "Yeah, everyone thinks they’re so damn special here. We can all move our blood, buddy." The man across the counter rolls his eyes. "No, I can't. Neither can she," I bring up.

The man's raises a brow. "You shouldn't be here then." "Someone has to control you freaks." "And that's you?" "You haven't noticed the lack of collars yet on the two of us?" "Oh... shit yeah. So you two are guards then? Didn't think they'd wanna come around here?" "I guess we're that, but we're prisoners too." "They force you into this?" "It was our choice. Seemed better than prison." Nicolette has walked off, talking to a man in the corner that I swear I've seen before. "So, I mean I think I've seen you around before. But you never wear armor. And you're usually by yourself. How on earth does this place expect you to be a prison guard. You could never stand up to us." "I'm sure I could." "Heh, sure buddy." "I could. Don't really feel like proving it but I'm pretty sure I could break off your arm with one hand if I felt like it." The bartender laughs out loud at the notion. "Yeah right, I mean you look like a strong guy but not that strong." "Hey don't test me. You already got on my nerves a bit and I don't quite feel like causing a scene." "Y'know I don't feel like testing you breaking my arm off, but at this point I'm ready to wager something." "Oh really?" "Yeah I think it'd be funny. See this cocky guy brag about being able to break my arm with one hand completely bomb at it." "Ask me to break something else then. Doesn't have to be your arm." "Alright." The bartender scans the bar, looking for something to break. "I bet I can snap one of these bar stool legs in half," I wager. "Alright, you wanna put anything on it?" The bartender asks. "I'm not much of a betting type, but my fiancée might be." "Heh, alright." "Hey baby blue, come over here," I call. Nicolette walks over, stumbling just a bit. "Whadaya want, Genkaku?" Nicolette asks. "Your fiancé is saying he could snap one of these barstools of. Wanna wager on it?" The bartender speaks over me. "Oh, I know he can. Can I have another one o' these?" Nicolette brings up her empty glass. "I'll give you one on the house if he does it," The bartender answers. "Ok."

I lean down, bringing my hand to the leg of the barstool. It's a bit of strain, but the metal soon gives way. I push it to its edge until it finally gives, snapping off in my hand. The bartender doesn't say a word as I hold it up. He stares at me in complete confusion. "Can I have my drink now?" Nicolette breaks the silence. "Yeah, sure thing, just a sec. What the fuck are you on?! Coke? Meth? Steroids?" The bartender asks in shock. "I don't remember what they gave us exactly, but humans sure can do amazing things when they don't have a limiter on their brains." "What do you mean?" "I mean that Undertakers don't have the limits normal humans do. We aren't normal human beings, same as you guys. Hell, blondie over here can electrocute people with her hands!" I answer. "Can I please have my drink now?" Nicolette asks again. The bartender takes her glass, mixing her another Bishop Cocktail. "Here you go, Miss." "Thanks!" Nicolette walks back away from us.

"So... if I ever see another person just walking around here without a collar... they can do what you do?" The bartender asks with a shake in his voice. "That and more. The big guy could've crushed your skull with one hand before all this even. He could probably crush a car now!" "You mean that giant that's been walking around here?!" "Yup, that's him." "So you aren't normal humans?" I pinch the bridge of my nose. "That's what I've been saying man."

"Can I get one more of those cocktails that my girl likes? I'm sure she's done with hers by now," I request. "No problem, but are you sure she hasn't had enough? That’s three parts rum and one part wine. Quite a bit for someone as tiny as her." "Hey she's tough as nails she can handle it." "Alright, whatever you say. You want another of yours?" "Nah, just give me some water. I'm not much of a drinker." "Thank god. Wouldn't want someone like you drunk and reckless." The bartender stirs up another cocktail and pours me a glass of water.


	42. What The Future Holds

Aaliyah  
May 25, 2018, 7:48pm

I can’t say I ever genuinely saw myself spending my twentieth birthday in prison. Well, I can't say I ever saw the last four years of my life going the way they have. Moving to Japan was already pretty out there. 

Tonight Nicolette and Genkaku went out for dinner, and let Shinagawa and me have some time alone. I take a long sip from my glass of wine. Shinagawa laughs a bit across the table. "What?" I ask. "Nothing, just that that's your first legal drink," Shinagawa answers. "Oh. Yeah, I guess so. Would've been next year if I'd still been home." "Yeah, in Japan it's considered the year you're a 'real' adult." "Technically twenty-five is the year your brain is considered fully matured." "Heh, I guess."

I take another sip of wine. "So how's your first month been?" I ask Shinagawa. "Good, I guess. I'm just a lieutenant so you've probably had a lot more work than I have," he answers. "How's yours been?" "Actually pretty uneventful. Genkaku and Nicolette usually have to break up fights. Third squad is mostly around if we have large scale breakout plans." "And no ones trying?" "Other than trying to rush out, not really. I haven't had to kill anyone yet." "Oh, well that's too bad." I shrug slightly. "Hey I won't complain." 

"Hey, so what do you think about Nicolette and Genkaku?" Shinagawa asks. "Hm? Oh, them getting married? Good for them I guess." "Yeah. Ever thought of us maybe getting married?" I place my drink back on the table. "Sorry, what?" I ask. "Just... you're probably the only person I'd ever wanna be around. I don't really know if that's how you feel about me." "Romantically, I don't think I see myself with anyone else." "So, to reiterate, would you ever wanna get married?"

I laugh a bit to myself. "Well... do you want to?" I ask. "Well I don't wanna ruin anything, so that's why I'm asking you before I ask anything else," Shinagawa responds. "You aren't trying to propose, are you?" "I just don't know if I should. Maybe I'm just too impulsive." "Well I know you're impulsive," I giggle. Shinagawa doesn't say anything in response.

"You didn't... like buy a ring or anything, did you?" I ask. Shinagawa reaches into his pocket, taking out a black box. Inside is a silver ring with a square cut emerald on top. "Sorry, like you said, I'm impulsive. I should've talked to you first." "So, you really do want me to marry you?" "I honestly can’t see myself with anyone else." "But why get married?" "What do you mean?" 

"I just... I don't see any reason to. Not like we have to file taxes, raise kids, any of that stuf," I point out. "Sentiment I guess. It's not possessiveness or anything like that." "Just... sentiment?" "Hey, who knows what the future holds. I never thought I'd live to be eighteen. Now I'm turning twenty-one in just a few months." "Why didn't you think you'd live to be eighteen?" "Who knows, suicide, death penalty, shot by a cop, just didn't see it happening. Only thing I know now about my future is that I'd like you to be part of it."

"I guess I always did wanna get married," I start. "I didn’t think it would be in prison, or Japan even." "And I never thought I would, but the way Genkaku talked about it after we got home our first night... guess it kinda has me convinced. I bought the ring online later that night." "What if something happens though?" I ask. "What do you mean?" "Well, my parents didn't exactly have a knight saves the princess romance, they met in the Air Force after all. But everyone always thought it was fate, meant to be, whatever you wanna call it." "Yeah?" "Like, mom clearly loved him enough to head back to Miami just to be with my dad. And I remember my dad used to love mom to the point where I hoped I'd have a marriage like theirs someday. But even they drifted apart." "Oh, so you're worried we'd divorce?" "I guess. Isn't it like, half of all marriages end in divorce?" "I think that's just a saying." "Well... if we divorced, I can't do what mom did. I can't pack up and take my kids eight thousand miles away. I can't even move out of the space we live in." 

There's a silence between us for a moment. "Hey Aaliyah?" Shinagawa asks. "Yes?" "Why did your parents divorce. I don't think you ever told me what happened." "I... I don't even know. Dad worked a lot. Mom became a reserve after she had me, so she mostly was home with her kids." "Okay?" "Well, I think it started getting bad when she started bringing up how he never was around his kids anymore. I think he wanted little kids, but not teenagers. So he got more into work. Stopped spending time with even our mom. I heard some stuff around from like, neighbors about dad sleeping with one of the seniors at the university. I don't know if that's true." "So some home-wrecker got involved?" "Nah, I don't blame her. My dad chose to seduce a twenty-two year old that he was teaching. That's why I probably didn't hear anything besides rumors. If it was cited in the divorce papers, dad would lose his job. Mom was hurt and mad, but she's not a vengeful type." "What do you mean?" "She told me once that she wasn't going after anything besides custody of us. She didn't wanna see him lose money, or his job, or his house."

My boyfriend takes my hand from across the table. "What?" I ask. "Just... you're my girlfriend, and I can't really tell if you're upset or not, but I guess these would be upsetting topics." "Oh." I smile a bit. "So you're okay?" Shinagawa asks. "It's just nice that you're being supportive and all." "You've always been there for me. It should go both ways, shouldn't it?" 

I stare at the open ring box, and then back up at mine and Shinagawa's hands. "Y'know, I think we do pretty well together," I point out. "Yeah, well, why do you think I wanna marry you?" Shinagawa asks rhetorically. "You make a good point, I suppose." "So, do you want to get married?" I look back down at the emerald ring. "Do you really think it's something we should do?" I ask. "Well, I did ask so obviously I do. But do you?"

I nod as I look up into Shinagawa's eyes. "Lets do it!" I exclaim. "Let's get married!" Shinagawa beams as he places the ring on my finger. I stare back at him, with a smile on my face.


	43. Morning

Genkaku  
May 26th, 2018, 7:00am

My phone's alarm blares for the third time, which means I finally have to get out of bed. Nicolette is already up, popping her Concerta into her mouth before swallowing from her glass of water. I lean over the bed to grab my phone and shut off my alarm. I sit up, grab my contact case, and place my two lenses into my eyes.

Nicolette stands up, stretching her arms. "Morning lovely," I groan. "Good morning," Nicolette responds. "Did you sleep okay, sweetheart?" She asks. "Yeah, just fine." "No nightmares tonight?" I shake my head. "Nothing I can remember." I take a cigarette in between my fingers to light it. "You slept alright, right blondie?" "Oh, I only slept... maybe two hours." "The hell were you doing?" "Practicing. And I had a drink or two." "Practicing what?" "Just my routine." 

I stand up, lighting the cigarette in my mouth. Nicolette is pulling on her leotard. I gotta admit, her undertaker get-up looks kinda cool; a black turtleneck leotard, covered in marks of blue lightening, a blue, long open skirt that she's tattered and cut up, long black gloves, and her black dance shoes that go up to her knees. She always wears blue lipstick, and draws on marks of lightening on her face with her blue eyeliner. Nicolette learned to do a Russian braid when she was young. She wears one with two blue ribbons tied in it, which she says is a symbol for engagement. I thought it was kinda odd at first, but it's grown in me. I know it's like one her old dance costumes, but she kinda looks like some sorta super villain if you ask me.

I pull my robe over myself. Nicolette soon comes to tie my sash around my waist. It's like instinct for her at this point. I used to help her with her zipper, before she finally just got the hang of it herself. "What would you do without me?" Nicolette asks unprovoked. I laugh a bit at her. "Dunno. Probably just tie this in the front and twist it around." "I don't think that would look as good." "Hm, I'm not too worried about that." Nicolette stands en points to kiss me.

I walk out of the room, letting Nicolette step into the en suite bathroom to do her hair and makeup. Aaliyah, Shinagawa, and Mōzuri are already in the dining room when I get there. "Mornin," I yawn. "Good morning Captain," Aaliyah says, not looking away from Shinagawa's eyes. "Captain? Damn you in a good mood or something?" I laugh. "What makes you say that?" Aaliyah asks. "You'd normally call me, I dunno Fire Crotch, or Ginger Snap, or Strawberry Shortcake before you'd ever call me your captain," I point out. Aaliyah laughs loudly at that. "Ha! Strawberry Shortcake! That's a good one, I gotta remember that!" "I don't think it works that well. Only way it does is cause I have red hair. I'm also allergic to strawberries and I'm also nearly a foot taller than you." "Yeah, that's what's so perfect about it! Works on an ironic level, y'know?"

I take a seat at the table, and grab a mango from the basket of fruit in the middle. I take a bite out of it. Aaliyah and Shinagawa are still just staring at each other. "So you gotta answer my question now," I tell Aaliyah. "What? Oh yeah, I guess I am." "What about?" "Cause we're getting married," Aaliyah answers completely nonchalantly. "You and Shinagawa?" "Yeah." 

I look down to Aaliyah's left hand. There's an emerald ring on her finger. “Congrats, I guess," I say before taking another bite. "Hey we were more enthusiastic about you and Nicki," Shinagawa points out. "Yeah well it's seven in the morning, I'm tired." 

Nicolette finally walks in, coming from the kitchen with a chouquette and a sweet sunrise cocktail. Aaliyah clicks her tongue at her. "Drinking at seven in the morning, huh Nicki?" Aaliyah scolds. "Oh shove it." Nicolette rolls her eyes, sipping her drink. "Okay, in all seriousness babe, you really shouldn't be drinking right now," I bring up as I place my hand on my fiancée's shoulder. 

"I'm a grown woman, I can do what I want," Nicolette protests. "Okay well, you're also an Undertaker, which means you start your shift in an hour," Shinagawa tells his sister. "You let Genkaku smoke his cigarettes," Nicki pouts. "Hey he's the captain I don't have any control over him." "Well I'm higher up in the ranks than you are! Why do you get to tell me what to do?!" "I don't get to tell you what to do. But I am your older brother, and as your older brother, I think it's in your best interest to stay sober for your shift." 

Shinagawa takes Nicolette's drink far away from her. "Isn't it in Genkaku’s best interest he doesn't smoke first thing in the morning," Nicolette taunts. "Hey leave me alone," I tell her before taking a long puff. "Yea, obviously, but Genkaku’s the captain and he's not my brother." "He's younger than you." "Yes but he is the captain, and he is not my brother," Shinagawa says, enunciating each word.

I take my final bite of mango before leaving the group behind to throw out the pit in the kitchen. I can still hear the siblings bickering from the dining room. Aaliyah soon walks in after me to rinse her cereal bowl out. "How are we marrying those two?" Aaliyah laughs. "I don't know about you, but as for me it's cause she's absolutely perfect," I gush. "Ha! That moody alcoholic?" "Hey she's moody but I don't think it's fair to call her an alcoholic." 

Aaliyah raises an eyebrow to me. "Genkaku, you're kidding right?" "I mean she drinks every now and then, everyone does." "Are you delusional?" "Not about this." "Yeah, you definitely are." I slam my hand on the counter. "Nicolette is fine, Aali." "Man, you should've seen her last night! That girl was throwing back champagne like it was water." "So what, she's just a rich type who likes to show it off." "We weren't at a party or something, it was in the kitchen. You wouldn't say that if it was vodka or beer." I roll my eyes. "My Nicki is perfectly fine. Let the girl live." "She keeps drinking like that, she'll go before you even succumb to lung cancer." "I don't need your judgment, Aali." "Whatever, dumbass. Keep lightin' em up if you want."


	44. Rosé

Nicolette  
May 26th, 2018, 7:00pm

I’m beginning to hate this bar. I have to feel all my worst emotions in this place. If we met in Nagi’s cell, it would look to suspicious. So instead, I meet him here. My dead girlfriend’s brother is the closest person to a therapist in this place, even though he only ever made it through his first year of getting his psych degree.

Thankfully other patrons leave us alone. Nagi and I both speak English, so no one understands us. The only other people that speak it here that I know of are Genkaku and Aaliyah. Shinagawa has been learning from his... well I guess she’s his fiancée now. No one knows I come here. 

“Nicole?” Nagi speaks up. I look over to him. I’ve learned to look towards the space above people’s heads. Eye contact just feels forced and unnatural. “Last night, you told me a bit about your birth,” Nagi reminds me. “We talked about the few things you could vaguely remember, and the stories your aunts told you. How about today, we talk a bit about your aunts.” I nod before I speak. “Tante Simóne was my mother’s sister. Tetya Khristina was her girlfriend. They raised me until I was eleven years old.” “And you were raised in Moscow, weren’t you?” “In a large, beautiful home, with a huge garden, and a duck pond. My Tetya had a three pet ducks.” I smile slightly. “Knopki was my favorite duck. I made him a little bow covered in buttons. He was the only one I trusted around my hamsters.” Nagi chuckles a bit. “The Electric Lady had pet ducks and hamsters? That’s quite something to picture.” “It’s true! Zizi and Mimi were my pet roborovski hamsters.”

“So, other than that, how was your childhood with them?” Nagi asks. “They always did their best to be good adoptive parents to me. They both had wanted children, but in Russia, that isn’t possible. It wouldn’t be possible in France until 2013. They loved me as if I was their daughter, and I loved them as my mothers.” “I’m glad you were able to have them.” “If not for those two women, I would’ve been dead by the time I was three. That’s when my kidney failed.” “Your tante donated her kidney to you?” I shake my head. “No. Despite being my mother’s sister, she wasn’t a match. Her girlfriend donated.” 

I twist the ring on my finger before I continue. “She had no blood relation to me. Tetya Khristina was an HLA match to me by pure coincidence. She was not under a single obligation to donate to me, and yet she still did. A kidney when I was three. A lobe of her liver when I was five. She saved my life twice for no reason other than that she loved me, and she loved my tante.” Nagi smiles a bit. “She sounds like an amazing woman.” “She really was. An absolute saint.” I don’t return Nagi’s smile.

“She isn’t around anymore, is she?” Nagi asks. I take in a deep breathe. “No... no she was shot when I was seven.” I take another pause, letting the only noise around us be that of other bar patrons. “A man shot her outside the church she attended. Everyone knew that her and tetya Simóne lived together, but rumors had gotten out that they were romantically involved.” “The man shot her because she was a lesbian?” “Exactly... he shot a woman with the qualities of a saint. He called her a sinner.” I look away from Nagi and take a sip of rosé. “He murdered a kind, loving woman outside a church in the name of God... and had the audacity to call her a sinner.” 

I stare down into the glass of pink liquid. “How about your tante?” Nagi inquires. “Is she alive?” “Nope. Two months after she lost her girlfriend, she was diagnosed with leukemia. They treated her with everything they could. It barely made a dent. She died four years later.” “Nicole, I’m so sorry.” I take a swig of wine before I continue. “She knew... she knew exactly what kind of man my father was. She fought so hard for me, and was still taken away.”

“Nicolette, have you discussed this with your friends? Or with your fiancé?” Nagi asks. “No, no I couldn’t. Genkaku has enough to worry about. He knows a few things, but I don’t go into details if I don’t need to.” “What are ‘details’ to you?” I shrug. “He knows my tante was shot. He knows my tetya died of cancer. He knows I ran away twice. He knows I had a suicide attempt. The rest is details.” “He at least knows about your organ transplants, right?” “Well, I can’t exactly hide that. Genkaku likes to trace my scars sometimes when we cuddle.” “I can’t decide if I find that sweet or morbid.” 

Neither of us speak. We simply look out towards the bar. There are around fifteen to twenty others here. Some at the bar, some playing games, some just drinking and talking with their friends. “What are you thinking about?” Nagi finally breaks the silence between us. “I don’t know. I guess getting a refill on this glass.” “Weird question, but I’ve always wondered. I’m bilingual, but Japanese is my primary language, so my thoughts are usually in Japanese. But you speak seven languages.” “Are you asking which language my thoughts are in?” “Yes.” “Depends. Usually not Spanish, Latin, or German. I only speak those because I just felt like learning those languages. I haven’t used them in conversation in years. Usually it depends on the language others are speaking around me.” “So what about right now?” “English.” “Hm. Alright then.” 

I don’t really feel I see the conversation going anywhere else, so I stand up. Nagi grabs my wrist. “Where are you going?” He asks. “I’m getting another drink.” “Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” “I’ve only had one glass of wine.” “Expensive wine.” “I have plenty of cast to back it up.” “Tell me, how does accessing outside money work for you? I can’t access my bank account on the outside, but you’re an Undertaker. So is it different?” “I have access to my account in Russia, but only to make online purchases outside the prison.” “Does that make much of a difference?” “I suppose. I can still buy all the clothes and makeup and jewelry and everything else I want on the outside.” 

I sit back down again. It seems Nagi is trying to keep me here. “So there must be benefits to your job right?” Nagi asks. “Of course. Prisoners here can obviously participate in Carnival Corpse and random jobs to make cast. I make 100,000CP per week. I think Genkaku, Mozuri, and Aaliyah make 1,000,000.” Nagi’s eyes widen a bit. “That’s... that’s a lot.” I shrug. “I guess to you. I don’t have much else to spend it on except booze. If I want anything else, I order online. I don’t have to pay for mortgage or antidote.” “That certainly seems like a perk.” “It’s not like I don’t risk death. This is a dangerous job, and I have a target on my back at all times.” “You can win though can’t you? I mean you can electrocute people with the touch of your hand.” “It’s not like I can electrocute Dr. Takashima, or The Promotor.”

The Owl raises a brow. “What’s it like? Everyone knows you’ve been experimented on. The only reason you can do what you do is because of wires connected from your brain to your heart to your hands.” I gulp down the final drops of rosé. “There’s a massive scar in the center of my chest. It goes from the top of my sternum to the bottom. It’s Genkaku’s favorite.” “And that confirms it. That’s definitely morbid.” “No, no it’s nothing weird. That scar is why I’m still alive. Before the surgery I was in heart failure. All the scars I have are from life saving operations.” “I see. And yet, you still seem troubled by it.” “I suppose.” “Why is that?” I scoff at the question. “Because it... it didn’t have to be this way. It didn’t have to be so painful.” “Nicole, you’re shaking, is everything all right?” 

The glass in my hand drops to the floor and shatters. “For the surgery on my heart... I was asleep... but they never gave me any numbing agent. It... it was like being trapped in my own head in agony.” My stomach is in knots. “I remember... I remember being cut into... my rib cage was cracked open... she cut into my heart and put into those wires.” I can’t look up from the floor. “I couldn’t scream... she said she wished she could’ve heard my screams... I felt sick after that... I want to forget I ever heard her say that!”

I jump up and run to the counter. “A glass of rose, mix in three shots of rum!” I demand. Kosugi laughs a bit. “Trying to go blind tonight, Electric Lady?” “Make it fast and there’s a 100% tip in it for you.” “Ha, you got it blondie.” I take the drink as soon as it’s done, hand Kosugi my cast card, I gulp down half the glass. “So, 100% tip?” “90%. Don’t call me blondie.” “I’ll make sure to remember that.” Kosugi hands me back the card after it’s swiped. 

Nagi walks up next to me. “Are you going to drink that much, Nicki?” He asks. “Obvi... obviously.” “Hm. Alright then.” The owl turns to Kosugi. “Could you do me a favor and call her fiancé down?” Nagi requests. “No!” I interject. “No! Don’t do that?” “I have a difficult time trusting you to get yourself home Nicole.” “Then call A...” “Call who?” “Aali... Aaliyah Morgan. She’s... she’s the third squad leader.” The Owl nods. “Alright. Let’s go sit down them and wait for her.” 

———————-

Aaliyah has me slung over my shoulder. “How much did she have to drink?” She asks Nagi. “A glass of plain rosé wine, and another glass with three shots of rum,” Nagi answers. “Damn Nicki, that’s a lot even for you.” 

Aaliyah tilts my head up to face her. I feel like I can hardly stand. “Nicki, you know I’m gonna have to report this,” she tells me. “Wha... no you... you can’t... you...” “I won’t say anything about you meeting with Nagi, don’t worry. I understand he’s your friend.” “No the... please don’t say anything...” “Nicolette Vedmid, you are an alcoholic.” “You’re just sayin’ that cause I’m-“ “Nicki, I’ve know you for years. You’ve gotten worse and worse every year.” “I’m fucking fine!” “No the fuck you aren’t, Vedmid! You’re killing yourself!”

Aaliyah holds me to her shoulder. “Nagi, how often does she come here?” Aaliyah asks. “I only come once a week to see her, but Kosugi told me she’s here at least once or twice a day.” “стукач!” I yell before Aaliyah brings me back to her shoulder. “What does that mean?” Nagi chuckles. “Snitch. Damn, I didn’t think it was even that bad.” “Kosugi told me that he’s always just thought of her as tough,” Nagi says. “So did I. I told Genkaku this morning that I thought she might have been an alcoholic but-“ “я не алкоголик!” I scream. “Yes you are Nicki!” Aaliyah yells in response. 

“I told him, and he denied it. He got defensive though, so I’m pretty sure he’s well aware,” Aaliyah continues. “It’s difficult for loved ones to face, I know,” Nagi responds. “Yeah, no kidding. And the thing is... I don’t know what to do...” Aaliyah’s voice breaks slightly. “I’ve wondered ever since we moved in together. And I never wanted to say anything cause the fact it... I’m lost. She can’t go to rehab. I don’t think we can help her.” “What do you mean?” “I mean that I don’t know how to deal with this, and my fiancé doesn’t know how to deal with this, and her fiancé... he’s a bipolar schizophrenic with a nicotine addiction. Of course he’s not gonna acknowledge it, he knows he can’t do a damn thing.” 

Aaliyah moves me to lean against her. “What are you gonna do?” Nagi asks. “I dunno... this place doesn’t care about her,” Aaliyah tells him. “It doesn’t care about any of us. So for now... I think I’m stuck.” “Let her sober up, talk to the other Undertakers. Maybe Tamaki will give her time to detox if you frame it as keeping her in good shape.” Aaliyah throws up her hand. “I guess I can try. Right now I just gotta make sure this little lady doesn’t die of alcohol poisoning.” “Hey,” Kosugi speaks up. “I can cut her off. It’s not a guarantee, but if you think she’s addicted, then it’s probably best to make it as difficult as possible for her to get alcohol.” “предатель!” I scream. “He is not a traitor Nicki,” Aaliyah scolds me. “He’s trying to help you.”

Aaliyah drags me out the door of the bar. “Come on Electric Lady, let’s get you back to your fiancé.” “He’s gonna be... gonna be so mad.” “No he won’t Nicki, you know that.” “My brother... he’s gonna...” “Shinagawa won’t be mad at you either. You’re sick blondie. We’re all gonna try our best to get you some help.”

———————-

I don’t remember blacking out of course. I just remember waking up at one in the afternoon with the absolute worst headache I’ve ever had, and my fiancé holding my head on his lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Tante is also the Dutch word for aunt, which is my second language. Finding out that it’s also the word for aunt in French was a bit of an interesting find.


	45. Detox

Genkaku  
May 27th, 2018, 3:03pm

Nicolette finally brings her head up a bit. I put down the controller I have and pause my game. “Good morning my love,” I say soft as I can. “I was so worried about you.” Nicolette let’s out a tired groan. “Wh... why would you be worried about me?” She asks. “Are you kidding? Aaliyah told me you passed out in her arms.” “My head really hurts.” “I’m sorry sweetheart.” 

Nicolette crawls out of bed, but nearly collapses. Before she does I pull her back into my arms. “Where do you think you’re going my love?” I ask. “I need a drink.” “No.” Nicolette turns to me with a look of fury on her face. “What do you mean ‘no’?!” She nearly screams. “Nicki, Nicki, calm down. We all talked-“ “Who the fuck is ‘we’?!” “Me, Aaliyah, Shinagawa, Mozuri, Rei, and Tamaki. You’ve gotta get sober Nic.”

Nicolette laughs nervously. “She... she roped you into this didn’t she? Aaliyah, she told you all that bullshit about how I’m an alcoholic?” “Nicolette, I’ve seen it before. I shouldn’t have denied it.” “лицемер.” “How the fuck am I a hypocrite?” “You act like you aren’t killing yourself with all those cigarettes.” She has her hand on her hip now. “Nicki, you’re just as much addicted to nicotine as I am. Only difference is that it’s in some fancy gizmo that smells like raspberries.” “So what?!” “So you can’t act like my smoking is somehow a gotcha. Vape as much as you want, that’s not the issue here.” “So why can’t I drink?!” 

“It’s three in the afternoon, Nic. Did you know that?” I ask my fiancée. “So fucking what?” “You overslept by eight whole hours. Your drinking is impairing your ability to work. You’ve also started your shift drunk on more than a few occasions.” “And?” “What do you mean and?” Nicolette doesn’t answer. Instead she sits back down on the bed.

“So this is a detox?” Nicolette asks. “Yeah, pretty much.” “How long till I can drink again?” I shake my head. “You’re done, Nic. No more drinking.” “Not even a little? You drink all the time!” “Yeah, because I’m not addicted. I know how to moderate it. And I actually was very much in defense of letting you have a little after a few months.” “So why can’t I?” “Because your brother gave me evidence to show that it wouldn’t be a good idea. You’ve been getting worse and worse over the last three years. It’s likely moderation is out of the question.” 

Nicolette pouts. “What if I’m different?” “Ha! You absolutely are not! The fact that you’re clearly just waiting for me to give you a time where you can drink again is proof of that.” “So what are you gonna do?! Just keep me locked up at home forever?!” “No, just two weeks. The first battalion is out of commission till then.” “What happens after that?” “The first floor bar is cutting you off, you’re not gonna be allowed to purchase anymore alcohol online, and we’ve already removed any trace of booze from the residence.” 

“So all of you are gonna stop drinking?” Nicolette’s voice is start to tremor now. She’s becoming desperate. “Yeah. That’s pretty much it. Mozuri has never had any, I barely touch it, since my father was an alcoholic.” “What about Aaliyah and Shinagawa?” “If they want to go to the bar, fine by them. But they’ve said they won’t until we have a plan in place to maintain your sobriety.” 

“Why wasn’t I involved in this?” Nicolette asks. Her hands are starting to shake. “Because you’re manipulative, and because you passed out.” “Why are you so calm?” “Why shouldn’t I be?” “You... you said I’m sick right?” “Yes, you are very sick.” “What makes you think you could possibly do anything about it?” “Why couldn’t I? I may never have gotten my dad to detox, but I did have to learn how to take care of him when he was hungover.” “Ha! You’re eighteen years old, and you’re almost completely off your rocker. You can’t help me.” 

I take a seat next to my fiancée, and wrap an arm around her. She doesn’t look at me. “Nicolette, you’re shaking, you’re sweating, you have a headache, you’re clearly very anxious.” “So what?” “You’re going through withdrawal. You’re very sick, and you need to get sober.” “Get me a drink.” “No. It’s only gonna get worse from here.” “So you’re just gonna make me suffer through it?!” “If you don’t, you’re never gonna get better. You’ll just keep withdrawing and going right back to drinking.” “I’m fine with that! Why aren’t you?!” 

I take out a bottle of pills. “Take one,” I tell Nicolette. “They’re thiamine supplements. They’ll help with your symptoms.” “Just a glass of wine could make them all go away.” “Nicki, the fact is I was fine with the cycle. Aaliyah talked me out of that.” “Why would you listen to her?” “Because she’s right. You’re clearly gaining more of a tolerance, which is gonna make you have to drink more to get drunk.” “So?” “So as that tolerance builds, you have to drink more and more, and eventually you’re going to poison yourself.” “No.” “You weigh 57 kilos, and you’re only nineteen years old. Aaliyah told me how much you drank last night. You’re at your limit Nicki, but your body doesn’t know and doesn’t care, and you’re going to end up pushing that limit even further.” “And what happens then?” “Alcohol poisoning.” “I can limit myself, it won’t happen.” “You’re just kidding yourself Nicole.”

Nicolette suddenly shoves me off her and runs to the bathroom. I get there just it time to hold her hair up before she throws up. There are tears running down her face now. I can’t remember the last time I saw her cry. “Why do you hate me?!” Nicolette sobs. “I don’t hate you Nicole. I love you more than anyone on Earth. That’s why I’m helping you.” “If you wanted to help me you’d let me out!” “That would only be enabling you, and it would probably get you killed.” “What if this kills me?” “It won’t, if you take your supplements.” “What if those kill me?” I bring my hand to my forehead in frustration. “Nic, do you think you’re doing yourself any favors?” Nicolette doesn’t answer. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Take your pills. I wish there was more that could be done, but this is all we’ve got. Deadman Wonderland doesn’t have a rehab center.”

———————-

Nicolette has been picking at her supper for five minutes. She hasn’t taken a bite yet. “Blue, you’ve gotta eat something,” I tell her. “I’m not hungry.” “It’s a crépe, you love those.” “I’m just not hungry.” “C’mon, Nic. You’re supposed to be the strong one of us.” “That’s you and Mozuri. Always has been.” “I meant mentally.” “What the fuck convinced you that was me.”

I pull Nicolette’s head against my chest. “I think the last time I saw you cry was about three years ago,” I tell her. “Yeah cause I never had a reason. Anything that would’ve hurt I could easily avoid thinking about.” “Cause of the alchohol?” “Yeah.” “You know that isn’t a good way to cope with your problems.” “Not like I have access to any of those good coping mechanisms. No therapy, no counseling, no skills training.” I don’t respond.

“Why did I do this?” Nicolette asks after some silence. “Do what, my love?” “Why did I agree to come here? I would’ve been out in ten years.” “Nicolette, don’t talk like that.” “I would’ve had access to therapy, medication, proper care. There’s no way Gen Pop would’ve allowed me to buy alchohol at fifteen.” “Baby girl, I miss it too, but we can’t talk like that.” “Why not?” “That kind of talk is gonna get us in trouble.”

No more words are exchanged between us. I simply hold my fiancée’s head as she cries into my chest.


	46. Locked Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so quick note; I’ve started a discord for Deadman Wonderland fans! Here is the link for anyone who would like to join https://discord.gg/PmSrTxtW2F

Shinagawa  
May 28, 2018, 10:32am

Genkaku finally wanders out of his bedroom. “It’s about time you got up,” Aaliyah tells him. “Why’d you let me sleep so late anyway?” Genkaku asks as he rubs his eyes. “And where’s Nicki? Who shut my alarm off?” 

Aaliyah looks to me to answer Genkaku’s question. I guess that’s fair since I’m the one who found her. “Nicki’s gonna be kept away in a separate room for a while,” I answer. “Sorry red head, this just wasn’t gonna work.” “Wha... what the fuck made you think you could decide that?!” Genkaku almost yells. “I didn’t decide it. Dr. Takashima did.” “This could’ve worked... you didn’t have to-“ “No it couldn’t. Genkaku, I found her passed out on her practice floor this morning. We should’ve checked her room a bit more closely.” “Nicole must have hid some bottles in her closet. She knew this was gonna happen eventually,” Aaliyah interjects.

Genkaku sits down against the wall, holding his head in his hands. “But I locked the door...” He says quietly. “You shouldn’t have made your passcode 2000. People gotta stop making passcodes their birth year,” I scoff. “Shinagawa, don’t pester the poor thing,” Aaliyah tells me as she places her hand on my shoulder. “He’s an idiot! We never should’ve listened to him! Nicki could’ve died!” “What?!” Genkaku yells. “You... but you said she just passed out... she...”

Aaliyah sits down next to Genkaku by the wall. “It was a bit more than that,” she says. “Nicki kinda poisoned herself.” Genkaku breathing starts to speed up. “It’s okay, it’s okay, she’s gonna be fine,” Aaliyah assures Genkaku as she places a hand on his back. “Don’t touch me!” The red head screams. Aaliyah stands back up. “Do you know what to do?” Aaliyah asks. “Nope. Nicki’s the one who handles him,” I say with a shrug. “She doesn’t ‘handle him’. She’s just good at consoling him to an extent.” 

Genkaku stands back up and begins pacing around the hall, muttering to himself in Russian. “Do you know what he’s saying?” I ask Aaliyah. “Just kinda asking himself how he fucked up this bad,” she answers. “Cause he’s a fucking idiot and cause he’s incompetent.” “Will you shut up? You’re just gonna make him feel worse.”

Genkaku finally stops his pacing to ask “Where is she?!” “In a standard cell. Dr. Takashima is observing her,” I tell him. “Can I see her?” “No.” “Why not?!” He screams. “No one can. She’s doing this alone,” Aaliyah answers calmly. “But... but she needs me!” “No she needs to get clean, and she’s gonna do it in a controlled environment.” “When can I see her?” “Two weeks.” 

Genkaku sits back down again on the floor and buries his head in his arms. “That’s like forever!” he whines. “It’s two weeks, and then two weeks here. It’s for her own good.” “But...” Genkaku stops his sentence. “If you were gonna say some bullshit about how you need her I swear,” I scoff. “What?” “You’re being selfish.” “How am I being selfish? She needs me too!” “No, she doesn’t. Not right now. You’re too much work.” Genkaku doesn’t say anything.

“With you I swear it’s a damn light switch! You’re depressed as hell for like a month straight to the point where it’s like impossible to get you out of bed, then it’s like you lose any common sense at all, you don’t sleep, and you just make everything a mess for her!” “Shinagawa, shut the fuck up!” Aaliyah suddenly yells. “Wha-“ “You’re not helping! He’s not gonna suddenly be cured just cause you’re yelling at him about things he can’t control.” “Well what’s it gonna take?! He’s so unstable!” “He needs actual help. Not from you, or Nicki.” “So why doesn’t he get it?” “Because he can’t. Why do you think Nicolette is the she is? The only reason she’s getting treatment is so she can go back to work.”

Aaliyah stops up. Almost freezes. “Babe, you okay?” I ask. “I hate this place,” Aaliyah says without a hint of emotion to her voice. “What?” Aaliyah walks away back to our bedroom. I don’t follow her. Instead I pick up my phone and call Genkaku’s corporal. He picks up after two rings. “What do you want?” He asks. “Come supervise Genkaku. He’s panicking.” “Again? That’s the third time this month.” “I know, I know. Just get over here. I’m leaving.” “You can’t wait a minute for me to get there?” “Nope.” The corporal groans in frustration. “Fine. I’ll be over soon as I can.” The hang up tone pings before I shut off my phone.

I walk a few feet down the hall and open the door to mine and Aaliyah’s room. She’s sitting on the bed, staring at the ground. I sit down next to her and wrap an arm around her back. “What’s going on, Aali?” I ask. “I hate it here.” “Why? We’ve got so much freedom that we couldn’t have as regular prisoners.” “We can’t even see a therapist. Genkaku needs medication and he can’t get it because even though he’s either in pain or he has almost no impulse control, Tamaki thinks the later somehow makes him a better fighter. Nicki doesn’t have any sort of healthy outlet so she has to turn to liquor. They don’t care about us.” “What about you?” “Huh?” “Something’s bothering you, isn’t it? It’s not just Nicolette and Genkaku who’ve got problems.”

Aaliyah leans in closer to me. “I’m sick of seeing his face,” Aaliyah mutters. “Who? Gabe?” Aaliyah suddenly becomes tense. “It’s okay, babe he can’t hurt you. He’s dead.” “I know... I know he’s dead. I watched him die. I killed him.” “You’re not like, having any regrets, are you?” “No, no. I did what had to be done. That son of a bitch would’ve done it again. He never would’ve felt any remorse for it.” “So what’s wrong?” “I...” Aaliyah pauses. “I still have those fucking nightmares. I’m still afraid of him.” “Why haven’t you told me about this?” “Cause I don’t know what to say, and I don’t wanna make you feel like you have to take care of me.” “Hey I’m here now aren’t I? I’m more than okay with taking care of you.” 

Aaliyah buries her face in my chest as I run my hand over her head. “I really hate this place,” she cries. “I know, I know. Aaliyah, you know you can’t talk like that in front of the guards or anything, okay?” “I know.” “It’s just not safe.” “I know.” I kiss the top of my fiancés head, as I run my thumb over the ring on her finger.


	47. Reunion

Genkaku  
June 4th, 2018, 3:00pm

Nicolette has been locked up for a week. She’s halfway done I suppose. Once again Dr. Takashima has recommended I be medicated, and once again Tamaki refused. Therapy was refused too. He told her to stop asking, told her it’ll never happen. I’m not sure if he actually thinks the lack of impulse control makes me better at my job, or if he just wants to keep me unstable. After all, the Deadmen aren’t his only experiment. More and more, I’m starting to think the rest of us are too. Have a bunch of unstable super-humans lead an army against a larger group of super-humans, see what comes of it. He’s always called this place “his game”. I’m not sure what kind of game he means. A strategy, a simulation, a horror. I know he’s a big video game nerd. He likes RPG’s the most. He once called Deadman Wonderland “a massive, horrible game of The Sims”. Tamaki has never played any of The Sims games though. Maybe the actual games are too boring for him.

I wonder to myself if that’s why he let Nicolette get as bad as she did. To see how near death he could get her, to see how far down the gutter she could get. Maybe to him it was a fun game to see this wealthy, composed woman hit rock bottom. On the other hand, maybe he wanted to see how we would’ve dealt with it. I guess that’s why he allowed me to keep her home. Everyone else was against it, but Tamaki has the last word. The only reason he finally allowed Dr. Takashima to keep her under lock and key. He finally got to see her near death. 

I’ve been sitting on a bench about four cells down from Nicolette’s for nearly fifteen minutes now. I haven’t looked up from my boots since I got here. There are two Underlings guarding her door. I haven’t heard her once. There’s been this damn voice on repeat, whispering to me that she’s dead. Everyone else is lying. Nicolette died last night. It’s all my fault. That’s why Shinagawa was so mad at me. His sister died. It’s my fault. 

“Are you alright?” A voice that sounds distant asks. I don’t answer it. It sounds familiar. The familiar ones are never real. It’s something Nicki taught me. If I recognize a voice, but can’t name it’s user, it’s probably a fake. “Sir?” The voice is closer. It could be real. It really sounds familiar.

There are small, quiet footsteps coming closer towards me. So it’s real! It has to be! I look up, and meet a long old memory. I immediately look back down. “Fuck,” I whisper under my breathe. “I’m sorry?” “God can’t my Damn head just leave me alone!” “What do you mean?” “Stop talking. You aren’t real.” “Genkaku?”

I look up under my eyebrows. I don’t want to see her face. Faces always looked warped and nightmarish. I guess my brain isn’t all that good at simulating faces. “Are you... you can’t be him.” “Am I who?” “Sorry, it’s just the red hair.” “What about it?” “The color is familiar. But you can’t be him. He’s been missing since after the earthquake.” “Who are you talking about?”

She sits down next to me on the bench. “I’m not sure I want to tell you,” she says. “Just do it. I’m starting to think you’re probably real.” She laughs. “Of course I’m real. Why wouldn’t I be?” “Tell me who you thought I was first, then I’ll tell you.” She sighs. “I thought you were my son. He’s been missing since the earthquake. I guess to him, I’ve been missing too.” “Why would you think I’m your son?” “He had bright red hair, just like yours!” “I can’t be your son. My mother ran away years ago.”

The woman gasps. “Genkaku?” I don’t respond. “Genkaku, look at me, please.” Aimi angles my chin up to look at her. I pull away, but not quick enough to avoid meeting my mother’s eyes. She’s smiling. She has nothing to smile about. “I... I can’t believe it! I can’t believe it’s even possible!” Aimi tries to hug me, but I push her away before she can. Her smile fades.

“Genkaku, what’s wrong?” Aimi asks. “What the fuck do you mean ‘what’s wrong’?” You know.” “No, I don’t. I... I thought you’d be happy to see me.” “You fucking abandoned me, and my sister, and my brother. You are out of your damn mind to think I would ever forgive that.” “Genkaku, I’m sorry. I did the only thing I thought was right.” “So many things would’ve been different if you had been there for us. She didn’t blame you, you know? You didn’t have to leave.” “Who?” “Miyako. She... she broke after Nicolette told her you had abandoned us.” “I know about her, Genkaku. Not a day has gone by when I haven’t thought about you three.”

I still don’t look at her. “Where’s my brother?” “Gin?” “Yeah. Where’s Gin?” “I don’t know. I’ve looked up his name so many times. Thankfully nothing has ever come up. As far as I know he’s not missing, or dead.” “What did you know about me?” “You went missing after the earthquake.” “Yeah, that’s bullshit.” “But after all these years, you weren’t ever declared dead. I never knew why.” “What do you mean?”

“It’s been four years since the earthquake. Most of the missing people who were declared missing were found, one way or another. It was just... bizarre.” Aimi hasn’t stopped staring at me since we started talking. “What was so odd about it? Thousands went missing.” “Yeah, most were elderly or children. Most lived in the middle of the city. But you... you were a teenager, and you lived in a temple. The only way that made sense was if you had chosen to gone missing or...” “Or?” “You know, there are a lot of opportunistic scumbags in this world. A lot of those children and teenagers that had gone missing, the Tokyo PD had determined that a lot of them had likely ended up victims of human trafficking. I was so terrified to think of that.” 

I finally look at my mother. She looks the same as she did all those years ago, only with shorter hair. She isn’t wearing her makeup anymore. I guess I’ve changed a lot in these four years. “I got arrested mom,” I tell Aimi. “Yeah, I kinda figured. But you don’t wear the collar.” “Nope.” “I’ve heard stories about you... all of you. You’re the worst of the worst. They’ve called you the damned and irredeemable.” “That’s what they told us.” “Who?” “Wonderland.” “What do you think?” “I don’t know what to think.” “Why are you here?” “Let’s... I’d rather discuss that later. It’s a long story. Why are you here?” Aimi sighs. “I held up a shop with my Branch of Sin. I’d never met a person I would’ve described as both slimy and a weasel until I met that Promoter. He sent me here immediately.” “Yeah he’s... well he’s my boss so I can’t talk to much about him.” 

Aimi stands up in front of me, before pulling me up by my hands. “Look at you,” she says with a smile. “You’re so tall!” “Heh, yeah. I’m about 190cm.” “You look a lot like your father.” “I always have.” “Yeah. I remember when you were born, it was all anyone was talking about. That bloody red hair.” “Is it true that i was almost stillborn?” Aimi looks away. “Who told you that?” “Miyako.” “Yes, that’s true.” 

I don’t say another word. “Genkaku, is something wrong?” My mom asks. “You don’t need to know what I’m thinking.” “Well you’re worrying me.” “Don’t. I’m perfectly fine and I’ve got a lot more important things to worry about.” “I know, I know. Your job must be pretty tough.” “No, no fuck that. My job-“ “Hey don’t talk to me like that! I’m you’re mother.” “Aimi, I’m a grown man!” “You’re eighteen, you’re hardly grown.” “Whatever. Anyway my job isn’t what I’m worried about. No one’s planning any breakouts as far as I know so it’s fairly easy for now.” “So what’s going on?” 

I sit back down on the bench. “My fiancée is real sick mom.” “You’re engaged?! Oh my god, who are they?” “Mom, that’s not really the take away. She’s sick.” “Is she going to be alright? It isn’t fatal, is it?” “No, no she’s addicted to alcohol and she’s not doing very well with her withdrawal.” “I’m sorry about that. At least she’s probably going to recover.” My mom sits down next to me. “I’m not sure about that. It’s been years. We just kinda didn’t see the issue.”

My mom tries again to hug me, and again I pull back. “Aimi, it’s gonna take me some time to process this again, okay?” “I’m sorry.” “It’s just not the best timing. Once Nicole is-“ “Nicole? Is that your fiancée’s name?” “Sure is.” “Didn’t a girl named Nicolette take you in when you were younger?” “Yeah that’s her. I just like usin’ nicknames with her.” My mom doesn’t say anything. “Is somethin’ wrong mom?” I ask. “No, it’s just a bit unexpected, that’s all. Have you two been together through all these years?” “Uh, sorta. We had a bit of a rocky start.” “What was the problem?” “Just... I may have said somethin’ a little fucked up after the earthquake and she kinda held a grudge. It’s probably more than that, but I’d rather not get too into it.” 

“Hold on, hold on, Nicolette Vedmid, the billionaire’s daughter? The one who started all that backlash against the Tokyo PD?” Aimi asks. “That’s her. Surprised you didn’t mention her killing the chief of police,” I chuckle. “She did what?” “You dunno about that?” “No, the news said he was shot by some maniac. They never said he was killed by Nicolette.” “Huh. Guess her lawyers got it out of the press.” “I suppose.” “Wait, you said you never heard about what I did either, right?” “No, and I looked you up quite a bit. Twice a week at least after... maybe around 2015. Internet access was a bit tough to come by for a while.”

That doesn’t make sense. I know a lot of people were killed after the earthquake, but my trial was published. Aaliyah said she’s seen it. “Mom, have you ever heard of Aaliyah Morgan?” “Um... I can’t say that I have.” “I guess her case wasn’t as extreme as mine. What about... there’s no way they covered him up.” “Who?” “Shinagawa Dokoku, you’ve heard of him right? The serial killer from Nagasaki?” “I think I heard his name for a while, but the story was published later on as being a hoax.” “That’s fucking impossible.” 

Tamaki covered us up. He must have. I’m sure people have heard of us, but they probably forgot our names if they were erased from media. Shinagawa I guess was published, but Tamaki must have had the media rewrite it as a hoax. “The bear man in the mountains. You’ve heard of him at least? That was so many years ago.” Aimi laughs. “Oh my god, that old legend? You’re kidding right?” “No, mom he lives here! He’s the commander of the second Undertaker battalion.” “Really? Wow, I always figured that was nothing but an old wives tale.” “He’s not that old mom. Mozuri’s only twenty-eight.” 

I stand back up one last time. “‘Mom, I gotta go. I’m not even supposed to be here right now.” “Im so sorry.” “Bout what?” Aimi sighs. “A lot of things. I’m sorry I left you. I’m sorry about your fiancée. And I’m sorry you’re in this awful place.” I laugh a little. “It’s not so bad here, mom. Well, for me anyway.” “I guess you are the chief of the Undertakers. You probably have a lot of privileges.” “Mom I seriously gotta go.” “Alright, alright. Stay safe.” “You too, Aimi.” 

I take a final look at Nicolette’s door. One week to go. After that, she’ll be home another two weeks. After that... shit, I don’t know what happens after that. Hopefully she’ll start work again, and stay sober, and hopefully that’s not a pipe dream.


	48. Back to Work

Nicolette  
June 25th, 2018, 7:00am

My alarm doesn’t go off. Instead Genkaku shakes me awake. “Nicki, time to wake up,” he drawls. “No way.” “It’s your first day back, c’mon.” “Can’t we put it off for one more day?” Genkaku clicks on his LED lights. “Get up, blondie. You take the longest out of all of us to get ready.” 

I step off the bed and onto the floor. My clothes are already laid out on the ground. Genkaku is fully dressed. “You didn’t sleep last night, did you?” I ask. Genkaku shakes his head. “Just didn’t feel it. If I’m tired I’ll take a nap after work.” “You know that’s not good for your sleep rhythm.” “So what? I’m not all that stuck up on health.” “Fine, fine, just get some sleep tonight.”

———————-

All the other Undertakers are already in the dining room. “Nicki, congratulations! You’re finally back on the force!” Aaliyah exclaims as soon as I enter the room. “It’s not like you haven’t seen me at all these past two weeks, Aali,” I groan as I take my seat at the table. “Well we’ve missed having the Electric Lady’s power on our side!” Aaliyah says with a smile. “Not to mention with the First Battalion out of commission, we had to pick up the slack,” Shinagawa adds. 

“What’s on the agenda for today?” Genkaku asks after swallowing a bite of papaya. “One sec.” Shinagawa pulls out his phone to check the schedule. “You and Nicolette have a meeting with Tamaki.” “Ugh, kill me now!” Genkaku groans. “Hey if you drop the ball on the meeting bad enough, I bet Tamaki will do it himself,” Mozuri says. “Really?” Genkaku asks excitedly. “Sarcasm.” “You’re so bad at that.”

———————-

Tamaki’s office almost makes me sick. I swear he secretly runs a daycare here. Like he’s got a secret kid or something. “Ready, baby blue?” Genkaku asks. “Of course, are you?” “Why wouldn’t I be?” “You can’t be that oblivious. He doesn’t like you. “Whadaya mean? Why wouldn’t he like me?” “So you are that oblivious.” I walk past Genkaku towards the elevator. “Wait, seriously why doesn’t he like me?!” Genkaku asks. “You annoy him. You really can’t tell?” “I can’t see why anyone wouldn’t like me.” “Do you want me to tell you, or would you rather enjoy the bliss of ignorance.” “Tell me!” “Let’s see, you smoke for starters.” “You vape.” “He hates your music, you’re kinda... how do I put this?” “Put what?” “You’re a bit ‘carefree’ when it comes to our job. I’ve hardly seen you take any part of being an Undertaker seriously.”

The elevator dings once it comes to Tamaki’s office. The second it opens, Genkaku runs out. “Tamaki, do you not like me?!” He just about yells. “Oh my god, don’t just ask that!” I nearly shout. “What on earth are you talking about?” Tamaki asks. “He isn’t talking about anything,” I interject. “Now what do you want?”

Tamaki offers me his hand to shake. I don’t take it. He puts it back down. “I simply wanted to welcome you back Lieutenant,” Tamaki says. “How have your two weeks at home been?” “Boring. Really, really boring. Can I get to work now?” “Why so anxious to head back?” “Because I’m bored.” “Eager to kill, Lieutenant?” “Kill, injure, electrocute, anything!” 

Genkaku raises his hand to speak. “What do you want, Genkaku?” Tamaki grumbles. “Why am I here?” “Well it is your first day back too, isn’t it?” “I’ve been doing some light work, so not exactly.” “You’re also Lieutenant Vedmid’s commander. I thought it might make sense to have you with her.” 

I push Genkaku off to the side. “You better not have him babysitting me today!” I shout. “You’re in no position to make any demands, Lieutenant,” Tamaki reminds me. “And I thought you enjoyed spending time with your fiancé?” “Of course I do, but I’ve been around him almost nonstop for two whole weeks. Not to mention I don’t enjoy being infantilized.” “You need a supervisor, at least for a day.” “Fuck that! I’m not a child!” “I certainly wouldn’t consider you an adult. You’re only nineteen.” “He’s eighteen! This isn’t fair!” “Mind your tone, Lieutenant Vedmid. I’m your boss. If I want my commanding officer supervising you, then he will be supervising you.”

Tamaki sits back down at his desk. “You two can leave now. I have work to do, and do you.” He’s stopped smiling. Genkaku pulls my wrist to lead me back to the elevator. As soon as the door shuts, I slam my hand into the wall. “God fucking dammit!” “You okay?” Genkaku asks. “I’m fine.” “You’re not mad at me are you?” “I’m mad at him. I fucking hate this place!” “He’s probably just looking out for you.” “No, he’s treating me like I’m some fragile child!” “He’s worried about your stability.” “I swear he gets off on it!” “On what?” “On making me out to be some fragile, helpless thing! He knows what I’m capable of!” “I don’t think it’s like that, Nicki.” “God, you do the same fucking thing!” 

Once the elevator opens, I walk right past Genkaku. “Wait, do what?” He asks. “You handle me! It’s all anyone’s done for the past month instead of treating me like an adult!” “Well you scared the fuck outta everyone!” “I can handle myself!” “Yeah, you probably can. You can probably take on this whole damn prison as long as you can keep one hand on whoever you’re fighting for a few seconds.” “So why does no one treat me like-“ “Because you were really, really sick! No one knows how this is gonna turn out. Tamaki doesn’t want you unsupervised for that long, because then he loses the Undertaker that he probably invested the most of his resources in!” 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I mumble. Genkaku holds my arm up by my wrist. “Do you know how much that all cost?” “What cost?” “Your electrical system. Your battery, your wires, your mental attachments, all of it?” “I’ve never been given a number.” “Look, I’m not defending him, but he’s put a lot of time and money into just you that he didn’t put into anyone else.” Genkaku drops my wrist. “You’re a machine to him. He doesn’t want you out of commission.” “Aren’t you one too?” “To an extent, but he can find others with my uh, killer instinct. You on the other hand, you’re unique. If he loses you, then he’s gotta start all over again with creating well, one of you.”

“So is that how you see me?” I ask. “As what?” “As a machine. What am I to you?” Genkaku smirks. “I see you as a lot of things. In most, you’re my partner.” “In what ways?” “Sex, romance, day to day life, stuff like that. Usually you’re by my side. In most things, we’re paired as equals.” “And in other ways?” “You’re literally my second in command. You’re the next word after mine.” “So you don’t view me as your equal?” “Hey, I said in most things you are. But I am the leader of the Undertakers. Usually though, I’ll listen to your input. Unfortunately this time, the final word has told me I’m not allowed to do that.” 

I don’t add anything for a moment. “What’s wrong?” Genkaku asks. “Nothing, nothing’s wrong.” “I could be wrong but I think you look unhappy.” “I’m just sick of feeling... I don’t know... helpless?” “You’re not helpless. The boss just wants me to keep an eye on you, just for one more day.” “Maybe that’s not the right word...” “You’re just being overwritten. Doesn’t happen often, but today the Promoter’s word is gonna trump yours.” 

Genkaku pulls me close to his side. “I’m so bored!” I whine. “Let‘s go do something then.” “Like what?” “Who knows. Might run into a fight that needs breaking up.” “Okay.” “Alright blondie! Let’s go knock some heads!” Genkaku cheers. “Stop calling me that!” “Ha! That’ll never happen, love!”


End file.
